Correction/looking at me

Correction/looking at me (1)

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Correction/looking at me
Message de helia85 posté le 01-12-2008 à 15:11:03 (S | E | F)
bonjour,
J'ai un devoir de traduction à rendre et cependant j'aimerai que vous m'aidiez en le corrigeant afin que je sache si j'ai pas fait d'énorme fautes
merci
She is looking at me and her look is the one she must have that evening(son regard est celui qu'elle devait avoir ce soir-là). A look which can’t see anything(un regard qui ne voit plus rien). I serve her some tea again. "You are very tired" I told her. You can tell me the rest later. She drank slowly. While I was getting ready to drive her back home, she indicates her refusal to me .She raises her head and resumes her story.
“The next morning, I called my parents: jean died of a heart attack. He has been found in the hotel where he stayed Tuesday night. No one knew where he was."
All the colleagues of jean heard it at that moment. In the evening as soon as my parents left or barely my parents left(mes parents à peine partis), a friend of mine of long time(une de mes amies depuis toujours), a friend of Jean’s also, calls me: at this moment she hears by a famous radio that a scandal has just burst.
PS:j'ai mis entre parenthèse les phrases en français que je devais traduire car ce sont celle que j'ai pas vraiment réussis à traduire en anglais.
merci

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Modifié par lucile83 le 01-12-2008 15:13
titre

Réponse: Correction/looking at me de azer3, postée le 02-12-2008 à 22:24:05 (S | E)
Salut helia85; voici mon approche merci de vérifier; mais je tien a te dire que c'est mieux de poser le texte original car parfois on arrive pas a tu comprendre.
She is looking at me.she has the blind look that she must have that evening.
I serve her some tea again.
- "You are very tired".I told to her.
- "you can tell me the rest later".
She was dranking slowly. While I was getting ready to drive her back home, she indicated her refusal to me .She raises her head and resumes her story:
“The last morning, I called my parents. they said that jean died by a heart attack. He has been found in the hotel where he stayed Tuesday night. No one knews where he was."
All jean's colleagues heard that at that moment. In the evening as soon as my parents left or barely my parents have left, an old friend of mine, and of Jean’s also, called me: at this moment she hears by a famous radio that a scandal has just burst.
Attention au fautes de structuration de conjugaison et surtout n'essaye pas de traduire mot a mot.
Bon chance dans tes études.

Réponse: Correction/looking at me de helia85, postée le 03-12-2008 à 18:14:32 (S | E)
slt merci d'avoir répondu oui t'as raison c'est je vais mettre le texte a traduire comme ça sa serait plus claire
elle me regarde et son regard est celui qu'elle devait avoir ce soir-là.Un regard qui ne voit plus rien...Je lui reverse du thé.
-"vous êtes très fatiguée,lui dis-je.vous me raconterez la suite plus tard."
Elle a bu lentement.Alors que je m'apprête à la raccompagner,elle faits signe que non.Elle relève la tête et reprend le récit.
-"Le lendemain matin,j'ai téléphoné à mes parents:"jean est mort d'une crise cardiaque.on l'a retrouvé à l'hôtel ou il était descendu mardi soir."
Le soir, à peine mes parents partis,une de mes amis depuis toujours,amie de jean également,me téléphone:elle apprends à l'instant par une grande radio qu'un scandal vient d'éclater.
voila j'espere que c'est plus compréhensible
MERCI

Réponse: Correction/looking at me de azer3, postée le 03-12-2008 à 18:25:32 (S | E)
OK; c'est plus clair maintenant, mais ça implique des modifications a faire.

Réponse: Correction/looking at me de azer3, postée le 03-12-2008 à 19:17:39 (S | E)
voilà ma nouvelle essaie avec un peut de modifications.
She is looking at me.she has the blind look that she must have that evening.
I served her some tea.
- "You are very tired".I told her. "you will tell me the rest later".
She drank slowly the tea. While I was getting ready to drive her back home, she indicated her refusal to me .She raised her head and resumes her story:
“The next morning, I called my parents. they said that jean died by a heart attack. He has been found in the hotel where he stayed Tuesday night. No one knews where he was."
All jean's colleagues heard that at that moment. In the evening, whene my parents has just left, an old friend of mine, and of Jean also, called me: "at this moment she hears by a famous radio that a scandal has just burst".
Bon chance.
cordialement.

Réponse: Correction/looking at me de lucile83, postée le 03-12-2008 à 19:29:02 (S | E)
Bonjour helia,
En relisant votre texte je pense que vous avez utilisé un traducteur électronique.
Si oui mettez tout à la poubelle et reprenez la traduction sur de bonnes bases.
Best wishes.

Réponse: Correction/looking at me de helia85, postée le 06-12-2008 à 23:17:24 (S | E)
Bonjour,
voila ce que j'ai fait à nouveau et j'ai un doute concernant le temps par lequel on doit traduire vu que le texte de départ est au présent de narration en anglais je dois le traduire par un présent ou un prétérit??

She looked at me and her look was the one she must have had that evening. A look which could not see anything. I poured her some tea again. "You are very tired" I said. "You can tell me the rest later". She drank slowly. whereas I was about to drive her back home, she nodded her refusal. She raised her head and resumed her story.
The next morning, I called my parents: "Jean died of a heart attack. He was found in the hotel where he had put up on Tuesday night".
In the evening,just after my parents had left, a long time ago friend of mine, a friend of Jean’s too, called me: she'd just heard on a famous radio that a scandal had burst.
MERCI de corriger

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