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Lettre à une famille (correction)
Message de ragiel posté le 05-02-2009 à 22:10:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjours à tous,
Je vous plante le contexte :
Je suis un étudiant étranger, je dois envoyer une lettre à ma famille après être arrivé dans un nouveau pays pour poursuivre mes études.
Bon le "problème" c'est que je ne suis plus habitué à faire ce genre de sujet *en carton* type bac et que je n'ai plus d'exemple de certain truc...
Voici la base de la lettre :
---------------------------------------------------
Hi mom.
My travel wasn’t that bad. I had no problem to take the plane. First I had to find the right gate and plane but I succeeded. After that some children were crying. During the whole flight I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. That was horrible and I got a huge headache. If only I had sleep the night before it wouldn’t be that much annoying.
After that I took a bus to reach the campus. That was pretty easy thanks to the person who informs me at the airport.
When I arrived I was a bit stressed because I was in a foreign place. That was weird. During the first day I felt alone. Then everything stated. All the students arrived and filled up the entire campus in less than 3 hours. It was amazing. Every part of this little city became alive as if it was a big organism. It was a bit messy but still amazing.
Each student was looking for his room; each student was trying to find back his friend from last year. That’s made me understand that I arrived too early.
In the Evening everybody came to the main building to eat and present himself to the rest of the campus.
I will start school in less than a week; I hope it will be the same ambiance.
What about you? Everything is alright? Didn’t bob cry too much when I left home?
Please give me some news…
You miss me so much…
Joe
---------------------------------------------------
Est ce que pourriez y jeter un coup d'oeil afin de m'y montrer les différentes fautes ...
Et est ce que vous auriez des conseils au niveau de la mise en forme pour que ça ressemble vraiment à une lettre... (les petits détails comme une expression de fin qui irait pour une lettre "familiale" [un équivalent de "Regards" en quelques sortes]...
Merci beaucoup
Bonne soirée
Message de ragiel posté le 05-02-2009 à 22:10:36 (S | E | F)
Bonjours à tous,
Je vous plante le contexte :
Je suis un étudiant étranger, je dois envoyer une lettre à ma famille après être arrivé dans un nouveau pays pour poursuivre mes études.
Bon le "problème" c'est que je ne suis plus habitué à faire ce genre de sujet *en carton* type bac et que je n'ai plus d'exemple de certain truc...
Voici la base de la lettre :
---------------------------------------------------
Hi mom.
My travel wasn’t that bad. I had no problem to take the plane. First I had to find the right gate and plane but I succeeded. After that some children were crying. During the whole flight I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. That was horrible and I got a huge headache. If only I had sleep the night before it wouldn’t be that much annoying.
After that I took a bus to reach the campus. That was pretty easy thanks to the person who informs me at the airport.
When I arrived I was a bit stressed because I was in a foreign place. That was weird. During the first day I felt alone. Then everything stated. All the students arrived and filled up the entire campus in less than 3 hours. It was amazing. Every part of this little city became alive as if it was a big organism. It was a bit messy but still amazing.
Each student was looking for his room; each student was trying to find back his friend from last year. That’s made me understand that I arrived too early.
In the Evening everybody came to the main building to eat and present himself to the rest of the campus.
I will start school in less than a week; I hope it will be the same ambiance.
What about you? Everything is alright? Didn’t bob cry too much when I left home?
Please give me some news…
You miss me so much…
Joe
---------------------------------------------------
Est ce que pourriez y jeter un coup d'oeil afin de m'y montrer les différentes fautes ...
Et est ce que vous auriez des conseils au niveau de la mise en forme pour que ça ressemble vraiment à une lettre... (les petits détails comme une expression de fin qui irait pour une lettre "familiale" [un équivalent de "Regards" en quelques sortes]...
Merci beaucoup
Bonne soirée
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de isaboysband92, postée le 06-02-2009 à 00:11:52 (S | E)
Cher ragiel,
Je n'ai pas assez de temps pour vous faire des suggestions plus poussées mais j'ai essayé de corriger ce qui me paraissait trop incorrect ou mal dit.
Ce qui est modifié est en général en majuscule pour que vous puissiez comparer avec votre original : il faut bien sûr remettre en minuscule.
Best of luck,
IsaBL
____
Hi Mom
I had no problem CATCHING the plane. I MANAGED to find the right gate and plane RATHER EASILY. BUT THE FLIGHT WAS NOT THAT GOOD. Some children were crying. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. That was horrible and I got a TERRIBLE headache. If only I had SLEPT the night before it wouldn’t HAD beEN that much annoying.
ONCE IN THE (ville) AIRPORT, I took a bus to reach the campus. That was pretty easy thanks to A person who informED me at the airport.
When I arrived I was a bit stressed because I was in a foreign place. That was weird. During the first day I felt alone. Then everything staRted. All the students arrived and filled up the entire campus in less than 3 hours. It was amazing. Every part of this little city became alive as if it was a big organism. It was a bit messy but still amazing.
EVERY student was looking for his room AND was trying to MEET UP WITH THE PREVIOUS YEAR. That made me understand that I HAD arrived too early.
In the evening everybody came to the main building to eat and present himself to the rest of the campus.
I will start school in less than a week; I hope it will be the same ambiance.
(I hope the ambiance will remain the same)
What about you? IS everything alright? Didn’t Bob cry too much when I left home?
Please give me some news…
I miss YOU so much…
LOTS OF LOVE
Joe XXX
(en anglais, les croix dans une signature représentent des bisous ; je les ai souvent trouvés par 3 dans les lettres des mes correspondants)
)
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de isaboysband92, postée le 06-02-2009 à 00:25:00 (S | E)
hello again ragiel, en relisant j'ai vu que j'avais oublié ou effacé par erreur le mot FRIENDS à la fin du groupe nominal THE PREVIOUS YEAR
to meet up with the previous year friends.
et plutôt que "everybody CAME to the main building" il serait peut-être plus efficace de dire "GATHERED"
"present himself" est mal dit mais je ne vois pas trop ce que vous voulez dire...
selon votre intention, peut-être "to eat and get acquainted to the rest of the campus"
it's time for me now to take my beauty to sleep ;o)
IsaBL
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de ragiel, postée le 06-02-2009 à 01:10:14 (S | E)
Merci IsaBL
---
"present himself" est mal dit mais je ne vois pas trop ce que vous voulez dire...
---
L'idée c'était de se présenter à chacun. J'aurais peut être du utiliser "present each other" ?
Si il y a mieux je suis preneur ^^ je sens que c'est pas encore exactement ça...
Il y a une forme mais la j'avoue ne pas m'en rappeler ... peut être que demain ça sera revenu ...
Bonne nuit et merci
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de ragiel, postée le 06-02-2009 à 01:17:16 (S | E)
Je repost la version avec les modifications... je mets en rouge/gras ce qui me semble bizarre...
---
Hi Mom
I had no problem catching the plane. I managed to find the right gate and plane rather easily. But the flight was not that good. Some children were crying. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. That was horrible and I got a terrible headache. If only I had slept the night before it wouldn’t had been that much annoying.
once in the airport, I took a bus to reach the campus. That was pretty easy thanks to a person who informed me at the airport.
When I arrived I was a bit stressed because I was in a foreign place. That was weird. During the first day I felt alone. Then everything started. All the students arrived and filled up the entire campus in less than 3 hours. It was amazing. Every part of this little city became alive as if it was a big organism. It was a bit messy but still amazing.
Every student was looking for his room and was trying to meet up with the previous year friends. That made me understand that I had arrived too early.
In the evening everybody gathered to the main building to eat and present himself to each other.
I will start school in less than a week; I hope it will be the same ambiance.
(I hope the ambiance will remain the same)
What about you? Is everything alright? Didn’t Bob cry too much when I left home?
Please give me some news…
I miss you so much…
Lots of love
Joe xxx
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de ragiel, postée le 08-02-2009 à 20:08:48 (S | E)
up
Personne n'a d'autre idée ?
*merci encore*
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de linsey34, postée le 08-02-2009 à 20:29:28 (S | E)
What about "introduce" ?
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de linsey34, postée le 08-02-2009 à 20:34:10 (S | E)
"it wouldn't HAVE been", not "had" !...and introduce themselves to each other
Bye.
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de hugotachini, postée le 08-02-2009 à 20:47:18 (S | E)
Salut,
Les fautes en rouge et les pas vraiement des fautes en bleu mais peut mieux.
Hi mom.
My travel wasn’t that bad. I had no problem to take the plane. First I had to find the right gate and plane but I succeeded. After that some children were crying. During the whole flight I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. That was horrible and I got a huge headache. If only I had sleep the night before it wouldn’t be that much annoying.
After that I took a bus to reach the campus. That was pretty easy thanks to the person who informs me at the airport.
When I arrived I was a bit stressed because I was in a foreign place. That was weird. During the first day I felt alone. Then everything stated. All the students arrived and filled up the entire campus in less than 3 hours. It was amazing. Every part of this little city became alive as if it was a big organism. It was a bit messy but still amazing.
Each student was looking for his room; each student was trying to find back his friend from last year. That’s made me understand that I arrived too early.
In the Evening everybody came to the main building to eat and present himself to the rest of the campus.
I will start school in less than a week; I hope it will be the same ambiance.
What about you? Everything is alright? Didn’t bob cry too much when I left home?
Please give me some news…
You miss me so much…
Joe
Les corrections :
Hi mom.
My passage wasn’t bad at all. I had no problem taking, heading to the plane. First I had to find the correct gate
After that I took a bus to head to the campus. It was pretty easy, thankfully someone helped me at out.
When I arrived I was a bit stressed because I was in a foreign place. It was weird. During the first day I felt alone. Then everything changed, evoluated. All the students arrived and filled up the entire campus in less than 3 hours. It was stunning. Every part of the little city became alive as if it was a big organism. It was a bit messy but nevertheless amazing.
Every student was looking for his room; and trying to get,find his friend from last year. That has made me realize that I arrived too early.
In the Evening everybody came to the main building to eat and present himself to the rest of the campus.
I will start school in less than a week; I hope it will be the same groove
What about you? Everything is alright? Did Bob cry a lot when I left ?
Please fast write me back...
You miss me so much…
Joe
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de ragiel, postée le 08-02-2009 à 21:41:19 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup à vous tous
Voici la version finale ^^ *enfin en théorie*.
J'ai adapté et fait un mélange de vos différentes corrections en prenant ce qui correspondait le plus à ma manière de penser/écrire.
---
Hi Mom
My passage wasn’t bad at all. I had no problem catching the plane. I managed to find the right gate and plane rather easily. But the flight was not that good. Some children were crying. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. That was horrible and I got a terrible headache. If only I had slept the night before it wouldn’t had been that much annoying.
Once in the airport, I took a bus to reach the campus. It was pretty easy thanks to a person who informed me at the airport.
When I arrived I was a bit stressed because I was in a foreign place. It was weird. During the first day I felt alone. Then everything changed. All the students arrived and filled up the entire campus in less than 3 hours. It was stunning. Every part of the little city became alive as if it was a big organism. It was a bit messy but nevertheless amazing.
Every student was looking for his room and trying to meet up with their friend from last year. That has made me realize that I arrived too early.
In the evening everybody gathered to the main building to eat introduce themselves to each other.
I will start school in less than a week; I hope it will be the same ambiance.
(I hope the ambiance will remain the same)
What about you? Is everything alright? Did Bob cry too much when I left home?
Please give me some news…
I miss you so much…
Lots of love
Joe xxx
---
Bonne soirée à tous
Réponse: Lettre à une famille (correction) de azer3, postée le 10-02-2009 à 19:24:58 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Juste deux remarques;
Then everything changed. je propose d'utiliser le present perfectIn the evening everybody gathered to the main building to eat introduce themselves to each other.Je proposeIn the evening everybody gathered to the main building to eat and to introduce themselves to each other.
Bey.
INDISPENSABLES : 