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Correction/a teenager wakes up
Message de leo-37 posté le 09-03-2010 à 21:51:18 (S | E | F)
Bonjour / bonsoir à tous.
Je dois faire le résumé d'un texte pour le collège. J'ai rédigé mon résumé et je demande votre aide pour vérifier et sûrement corriger la tournure des phrases.
Cynthia, who is a teenager wakes up a morning after an alcoholic party with her older boy friend. This party had finished when her father brought back her into their home. When Cynthia wakes up, she usually hears their parents and her brother Todd; however, she doesn't hear noise. She thinks they had already left, her mother had maybe driven Todd to school early and her father is perhaps on business trip. Cynthia gets dressed and goes to the kitchen. In this room, nothing has moved since the day before. her family didn't eat here this morning. Unlike the ordinary, her mother doesn't leave notes.
Merci d'avance
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-03-2010 21:53
Message de leo-37 posté le 09-03-2010 à 21:51:18 (S | E | F)
Bonjour / bonsoir à tous.
Je dois faire le résumé d'un texte pour le collège. J'ai rédigé mon résumé et je demande votre aide pour vérifier et sûrement corriger la tournure des phrases.
Cynthia, who is a teenager wakes up a morning after an alcoholic party with her older boy friend. This party had finished when her father brought back her into their home. When Cynthia wakes up, she usually hears their parents and her brother Todd; however, she doesn't hear noise. She thinks they had already left, her mother had maybe driven Todd to school early and her father is perhaps on business trip. Cynthia gets dressed and goes to the kitchen. In this room, nothing has moved since the day before. her family didn't eat here this morning. Unlike the ordinary, her mother doesn't leave notes.
Merci d'avance
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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-03-2010 21:53
Réponse: Correction/a teenager wakes up de prescott, postée le 10-03-2010 à 03:06:37 (S | E)
Hello leo-37,
Comme l'auteur du livre, vous avez choisi le présent de narration. Bravo mais alors, attention à la concordance des temps avec le passé!
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Cynthia, who is a teenager [indiquer plutôt son âge, i.e. "sixteen years old" inversion possible : "16 year-old Cynthia..."
wakes up a [one] morning after an alcoholic party with her older boy friend.
This [The] party had finished [mal dit, "was interrupted" ou "Her father put an end to..."] when her father brought back her into their [ordre à revoir, et "into their" est superflu] home.
When Cynthia wakes up, she usually hears their ["She" est sujet singulier de la phrase, donc...] parents and her brother Todd [downstairs], however, ["but" est plus naturel] she doesn't hear noise ["any noise",or "the house is deathly quiet"].
She thinks they had [accorder le temps avec "think"] already left, her mother had maybe [utiliser plutôt le verbe defectif may + have] driven Todd to school early and her father is perhaps [idem + "have left"] on [a] business trip.
Cynthia gets dressed and goes [down?] to the kitchen. In this room, [style: redondance inutile! supprimer ou joindre les deux phrases avec un pronom relatif] nothing has ["has been" ou mieux: "seems to have been] moved since the day before.
[As if] her family didn't eat here this morning. Unlike the ordinary, ["contrary to her habit"],her mother doesn't [passé!] leave [any] notes.
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"No time for Goodbye" ?
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Modifié par prescott le 10-03-2010 03:24
Réponse: Correction/a teenager wakes up de leo-37, postée le 10-03-2010 à 14:03:43 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide!
Il s'agit en effet de "No time for goodbye"
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