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Homework /about medicine
Message de mode34 posté le 18-12-2010 à 14:32:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Voilà, je suis en première S et je dois faire un devoir d'anglais: écrire la notice d'utilisation d'un médicament TO-TA-LE-MENT loufoque, le "Coughngo", tout droit sorti de l'imagination foisonnante de mon cher teacher.
Consignes: faire rire le prof; être original; s'exprimer dans un anglais correct...
J'ai rédigé quelque chose et j'aimerais que des anglophones aguerris me donnent leur avis, me fassent part de leurs idées, suggestions ou conseils (loufoques, n'oubliez pas)et m'indiquent mes éventuelles erreurs.
PS: le "/" signifie que j'hésite entre 2 formulations. Laquelle est la plus correcte?
Merci d'avance à ceux qui prendront la peine et le temps de me répondre.
"NOTICE
COUGHNGO can save your life.
Too many people die everyday from lung cancer. The first symptom is always the same: a simple cough can lead to the grave.
Everybody is concerned. You are maybe already suffering. Have you ever coughed this winter?
Or even had a simple sore throat? If you don't anything, you will VERY probably soon feel an horrible pain in the throat, spit blood, and finally die.
Yet, no panic! We have THE solution: before it's too late, buy (and use) COUGHNGO. Marvellous pills which prevent from throat cancer, but also help you to have good nights, make you get slimmer, make you become more clever, and make your hair grow quicklier!
With COUGHNGO, cough goes and much more again/ more than that! (for only 99£99)
When to use it:
buy COUGHNGO if:
you cough
you have a sore throat
you have a throat cancer
you are suffering/suffer from any other sickness: COUGHNGO is so wonderful that it can (probably) cure all the other diseases too.
You are not really unhealthy but want to take such a brillant and incredible product like COUGHNGO.
Side effects:
Use COUGHNGO in abondance can:
cause an uncotollable giggling
lead to a serious dependence on our product (and so many impulse purchases)
cause money problems, especially if you are suffering/suffer from a dependence on our product
cause a deep depression/nervous breakdown, especially if you can't anymore make both ends meet because you are suffering from a dependence on our product
make you have a very, very, very looooong night
make you gain three times the weight you have (possibly) lost
make raving mad
make you look like a gorilla, especially because of hair/coat
cause a thraot cancer
be lethal
Special warning:
Our product has to be never used:
if you have already money problems or are already depressiv
if you are part of the «medicines more controled for more security» association
at full moon
if you are not a human
Dosage:
To an effectiv treatment and visible results, take one pill per kilogramm (2 pills if you earn more than 5000£ per month) every hour during one year (2 years if you earn more than 5000£ per month).
Mind: if you even once begin to take COUGHNGO, never/don't stop/break off (in the course of) treatment in current/in progress/in out standing. You must/have to go on buying COUHNGO."
Encore une fois merci.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-12-2010 14:38
Message de mode34 posté le 18-12-2010 à 14:32:58 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous.
Voilà, je suis en première S et je dois faire un devoir d'anglais: écrire la notice d'utilisation d'un médicament TO-TA-LE-MENT loufoque, le "Coughngo", tout droit sorti de l'imagination foisonnante de mon cher teacher.
Consignes: faire rire le prof; être original; s'exprimer dans un anglais correct...
J'ai rédigé quelque chose et j'aimerais que des anglophones aguerris me donnent leur avis, me fassent part de leurs idées, suggestions ou conseils (loufoques, n'oubliez pas)et m'indiquent mes éventuelles erreurs.
PS: le "/" signifie que j'hésite entre 2 formulations. Laquelle est la plus correcte?
Merci d'avance à ceux qui prendront la peine et le temps de me répondre.
"NOTICE
COUGHNGO can save your life.
Too many people die everyday from lung cancer. The first symptom is always the same: a simple cough can lead to the grave.
Everybody is concerned. You are maybe already suffering. Have you ever coughed this winter?
Or even had a simple sore throat? If you don't anything, you will VERY probably soon feel an horrible pain in the throat, spit blood, and finally die.
Yet, no panic! We have THE solution: before it's too late, buy (and use) COUGHNGO. Marvellous pills which prevent from throat cancer, but also help you to have good nights, make you get slimmer, make you become more clever, and make your hair grow quicklier!
With COUGHNGO, cough goes and much more again/ more than that! (for only 99£99)
When to use it:
buy COUGHNGO if:
you cough
you have a sore throat
you have a throat cancer
you are suffering/suffer from any other sickness: COUGHNGO is so wonderful that it can (probably) cure all the other diseases too.
You are not really unhealthy but want to take such a brillant and incredible product like COUGHNGO.
Side effects:
Use COUGHNGO in abondance can:
cause an uncotollable giggling
lead to a serious dependence on our product (and so many impulse purchases)
cause money problems, especially if you are suffering/suffer from a dependence on our product
cause a deep depression/nervous breakdown, especially if you can't anymore make both ends meet because you are suffering from a dependence on our product
make you have a very, very, very looooong night
make you gain three times the weight you have (possibly) lost
make raving mad
make you look like a gorilla, especially because of hair/coat
cause a thraot cancer
be lethal
Special warning:
Our product has to be never used:
if you have already money problems or are already depressiv
if you are part of the «medicines more controled for more security» association
at full moon
if you are not a human
Dosage:
To an effectiv treatment and visible results, take one pill per kilogramm (2 pills if you earn more than 5000£ per month) every hour during one year (2 years if you earn more than 5000£ per month).
Mind: if you even once begin to take COUGHNGO, never/don't stop/break off (in the course of) treatment in current/in progress/in out standing. You must/have to go on buying COUHNGO."
Encore une fois merci.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-12-2010 14:38
Réponse: Homework /about medicine de notrepere, postée le 18-12-2010 à 18:35:40 (S | E)
Hello! Yes, it is funny. 
Very good job, just a few corrections. The text in green: un cadeau pour le Noël; en bleu: faute d'orthographeNOTICE
COUGHNGO can save your life.
Too many people die everyday [two words; 'everyday' is an adjective] from lung cancer. The first symptom is always the same: a simple cough, which can lead to the grave.
Everybody is concerned. You are maybe already ['Perhaps you are already' est mieux] suffering. Have you ever coughed this winter?
Or even had a simple sore throat? If you don't anything
[this doesn't make sense], you will VERY [put this after "probably" probably soon feel an horrible pain in the throat, spit blood, and finally die.Yet, no
don't panic! We have THE solution: before it's too late, buy (and use) COUGHNGO. Marvellous pills ce mot n'existe pas]!With COUGHNGO, [word missing] cough goes and much more
When to use it:
buy COUGHNGO if:
you cough
you have a sore throat
you have
you are suffering
You are not really unhealthy but want to take such a brillant and incredible product like COUGHNGO.
Side effects:
Use [use the gerund (ing)] COUGHNGO in abondance can:
cause
lead to a serious dependence on our product (and so many impulse purchases)
cause money problems, especially if you are suffering
cause a deep depression or a nervous breakdown, especially if you can't anymore [put this after 'meet'] make both ends meet because you are suffering from a dependence on our product
make you have a very, very, very looooong night ['cause severe insomnia']
make you gain three times the weight you have (possibly) lost
make you raving mad
make you look like a gorilla, especially because of hair/coat
cause
be lethal
Special warning:
Our product
if you have already [before 'have'] money problems or are already
if you are part of the «medicines more controled for more security» association
at full moon
if you are not a human
Dosage:
Mind: if you even once begin to take COUGHNGO,
If you die after taking our product, please stop taking it.
-------------------
Modifié par notrepere le 18-12-2010 18:39
Réponse: Homework /about medicine de dsmith, postée le 19-12-2010 à 05:00:03 (S | E)
Hello,
Excellent description of coughngo - I'm ready to buy some!
If you don't anything -> If you don't do something...
Réponse: Homework /about medicine de mode34, postée le 19-12-2010 à 13:06:45 (S | E)
Thank you very much, notrepere, avec ça, j'espère avoir une bonne note! Merci à vous aussi, dsmith, je vous ferai signe si coughngo sort sur le marché!Et pardon de vous répondre si tard...
I wish you a Merry Christmas!!!
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-12-2010 13:53
Réponse: Homework /about medicine de jennie_wren, postée le 19-12-2010 à 18:12:02 (S | E)
Bonjour, je suis anglaise et meme si mon francais a besoin de l'amélioration, je ne suis pas d'accord avec quelques corrections anglais de notrepere
COUGHNGO can save your life.
Too many people die every day (comme notrepere a dit, c'est deux mots, mais c'est un erreur que je fais moi-meme) from lung cancer. The first symptom is always the same: a simple cough that can lead to the grave.
Everybody is concerned. Perhaps you are already suffering. Have you ever coughed this winter? Cela sonne pas tres naturel en anglais. Je dirais "Have you been coughing this winter?" ou "have you had a cough this winter?" qui est mieux avec la phrase suivante
Or even had a simple sore throat? If not, you will probably feel an horrible pain in the throat very soon (a la fin est plus naturel), spit blood and finally die (dans une liste, on ne met pas un vergule avant 'and').
Yet, no panic! je dirais 'don't panic!' mais c'est pas graveWe have THE solution: before it's too late, buy (and use) COUGHNGO. Marvellous pills that prevent from - on n'a pas besoin de ce mot throat cancer, but also help you to have good nights cela sonne maladroit, "they aid sleep" est plus sophistiqué, make you slimmer, make you cleverer, and make your hair grow more quickly! <--------- ca c'est plus correcte.
With COUGHNGO, cough goes and much more again/ more than that! (for only 99£99)
Je dirais: "Much more than your cough goes, with COUGHNGO"
et aussi, on ecrit £99.99
When to use it:
buy COUGHNGO if:
you cough
you have a sore throat
you have a - pas besoin d'un article throat cancer
you are suffering/suffer from any other sickness (illness est plus courant): COUGHNGO is so wonderful that it can (probably) cure all the other diseases too.
You are not really unhealthy but want to take such a brilliant and incredible product like COUGHNGO.
Side effects:
Use COUGHNGO in abundance can:
cause an uncontrollable giggling
lead to a serious dependence on our product (and so many impulse purchases)
cause money problems, especially if you are suffering/suffer from a dependence on our product
cause a deep depression/nervous breakdown, especially if you can't make both ends meet anymore (meillure ordre) because you are suffering from a dependence on our product
cause a very, very, very looooong night
make you gain three times the weight you have (possibly) lost
make you go raving mad
make you look like a gorilla, especially because of hair/coat
cause pas de 'a' throat cancer
be lethal
Special warning:
Our product should never be used:
if you have already money problems or are already depressed
if you are part of the «medicines more controlled for more security» association
at full moon
if you are not a human
Bonne chance!
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