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Message de maximevld posté le 13-05-2015 à 19:45:48 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je vais passer mon Bac d'anglais dans quelques semaines et j'aimerais savoir si vous pouvez corriger mes fautes et me conseiller sur mon texte s'il vous plait.Merci pour vos réponses.
I’m going to talk about the notion of myth and heroes. A myth can be defined as a traditional story, or as a fiction invented by the men.A hero is a person who is admired for their courage, and for her achievements, or noble qualities. I would like to illustrate the notion through modern heroes.
During this notion we watch and study a film about Erin Brockovich.
First of all I’m going to talk about Erin Brockovich and why we can consider Erin has a modern hero ?
This women is a single mother, she's unemployed and she raises only her three children.
She was recently been injured of a car accident but she lose the trial as a result she didn't get compensations.
Erin Brockovich search desesperatly to work, her lawyer Ed masry decided to take her a little chance to work in this firm.
Once hired she is going to discover, in a minor file, that a distribution company of energy, Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG and E).
Subsidiary of a big company, acquires one by one the houses of a Californian town, where numerous inhabitants are affected by very big health problems, among which of grave diseases such as a cancer.
Investigating on the spot , she etablishes the link that these serious illnesses are caused by the drinking water containing toxic waste, in particular hexavalent chromium (or chromium 6), stemming from some water of cooling of the factory.
Only at the beginning, she leads the fight, collects proofs, motivates one by one the inhabitants, convinces her boss of the scale of the affair, to obtain finally a consequent compensation to each of the victims with the incorrect company.
We can consider Erin Brockovich as a modern hero because even if she is unemployed she is fighting to get a job and she win, certainly she had a bad temper, that's really true, she can equally be rude or vulgar but she has a good heart, and Erin is very determined on this job.
She gets angry very quickly but this is for the good reason, she is fully invested in his job, in cause of this job she broke up with her boyfriend in order to continue with the case and when Ed Masry wants to give up the case she insists to continuing.
Erin had many qualities, she's daring and she have a lot of nerve and it be sucessful, despite her three children she hard working and she just went and started working at the law firm even though Ed hadn't hired then she forced him to hire her, she was very determined and Ed had give way.
Even if Erin at first view can be vulgar, she's very good with people and they appreciates that, she know how to make people happy.
First of all she respect them and that very important for her, consequently they trust her so it's easier to make her job very well, she also helps others people when they were in difficulty, and she also helped herself , she had more self-esteem because people respect her and listen to what she has to say.
She's a hard working woman, she it remains at job for long hours sometimes in spite of his children, she know all the information by heart so she must have a photographic memory.
I agree with all of that, for me Erin Brockovich is a modern hero, because she was a single mother unemployed and be broke and with his determination now she is very important, maybe indispensble to Ed Masry and this law firm, that's why Ed decided to give her a big promotion for her and her children.
To conclude I have equally different heroes in particular Nelson Mandela, because for me this men is one example for us, he spent 27 years in prison before becoming the first black president, he fought against Apartheid in south africa and for freedom and equality.
In an equivalent domain Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King are for me heroes of the society.
Merci d'avance
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-05-2015 20:08
Message de maximevld posté le 13-05-2015 à 19:45:48 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je vais passer mon Bac d'anglais dans quelques semaines et j'aimerais savoir si vous pouvez corriger mes fautes et me conseiller sur mon texte s'il vous plait.Merci pour vos réponses.
I’m going to talk about the notion of myth and heroes. A myth can be defined as a traditional story, or as a fiction invented by the men.A hero is a person who is admired for their courage, and for her achievements, or noble qualities. I would like to illustrate the notion through modern heroes.
During this notion we watch and study a film about Erin Brockovich.
First of all I’m going to talk about Erin Brockovich and why we can consider Erin has a modern hero ?
This women is a single mother, she's unemployed and she raises only her three children.
She was recently been injured of a car accident but she lose the trial as a result she didn't get compensations.
Erin Brockovich search desesperatly to work, her lawyer Ed masry decided to take her a little chance to work in this firm.
Once hired she is going to discover, in a minor file, that a distribution company of energy, Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG and E).
Subsidiary of a big company, acquires one by one the houses of a Californian town, where numerous inhabitants are affected by very big health problems, among which of grave diseases such as a cancer.
Investigating on the spot , she etablishes the link that these serious illnesses are caused by the drinking water containing toxic waste, in particular hexavalent chromium (or chromium 6), stemming from some water of cooling of the factory.
Only at the beginning, she leads the fight, collects proofs, motivates one by one the inhabitants, convinces her boss of the scale of the affair, to obtain finally a consequent compensation to each of the victims with the incorrect company.
We can consider Erin Brockovich as a modern hero because even if she is unemployed she is fighting to get a job and she win, certainly she had a bad temper, that's really true, she can equally be rude or vulgar but she has a good heart, and Erin is very determined on this job.
She gets angry very quickly but this is for the good reason, she is fully invested in his job, in cause of this job she broke up with her boyfriend in order to continue with the case and when Ed Masry wants to give up the case she insists to continuing.
Erin had many qualities, she's daring and she have a lot of nerve and it be sucessful, despite her three children she hard working and she just went and started working at the law firm even though Ed hadn't hired then she forced him to hire her, she was very determined and Ed had give way.
Even if Erin at first view can be vulgar, she's very good with people and they appreciates that, she know how to make people happy.
First of all she respect them and that very important for her, consequently they trust her so it's easier to make her job very well, she also helps others people when they were in difficulty, and she also helped herself , she had more self-esteem because people respect her and listen to what she has to say.
She's a hard working woman, she it remains at job for long hours sometimes in spite of his children, she know all the information by heart so she must have a photographic memory.
I agree with all of that, for me Erin Brockovich is a modern hero, because she was a single mother unemployed and be broke and with his determination now she is very important, maybe indispensble to Ed Masry and this law firm, that's why Ed decided to give her a big promotion for her and her children.
To conclude I have equally different heroes in particular Nelson Mandela, because for me this men is one example for us, he spent 27 years in prison before becoming the first black president, he fought against Apartheid in south africa and for freedom and equality.
In an equivalent domain Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King are for me heroes of the society.
Merci d'avance
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-05-2015 20:08
Réponse: Bac/myths and heroes de laure95, postée le 14-05-2015 à 18:27:00 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
- a fiction invented by the men: THE n'est pas nécessaire.
- A hero is a person who is admired for their courage: pour utiliser THEIR,il faudrait que le mot "hero" soit au pluriel.
- and for her achievements: mettre HIS or HER (un héro pouvant être un homme ou une femme)
- During this notion: "during" = pendant
- we watch and study: à mettre au passé.
-This women: women = femmes.
- She was recently been injured of a car accident: enlever "been" + remplacer OF par In.
- but she lose the trial: problème de conjugaison.
- Erin Brockovich search: même remarque.
- Ed masry decided to take her a little chance to work in this firm: mettre le verbe au présent + TAKE ne va pas.
- Once hired she is going to discover, in a minor file, that a distribution company of energy, Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG and E): THAT quoi?
- and she win: conjugaison.
- certainly she had a bad temper: à mettre au présent.
- she is fully invested in his job: HIS = pour un homme.
- she insists to continuing : TO INSIST ON.
- Erin had many qualities: présent.
- she have a lot of nerve: conjugaison.
- and it be sucessful: BE n'est pas conjugué.
- she hard working: il n'y a pas de verbe)
- Ed had give way : TO GO AWAY.
- they appreciates that: conjuggaison.
- she know: conjugaison.
- she respect them: même remarque.
- and that very important for her: pas de verbe.
- others people: pas de "s" à OTHER
- she it remains at job: remains ne peut pas avoir 2 sujets)
- she know: conjugaison.
- because she was a single mother unemployed: temps + UNEMPLOYED n'est pas à la bonne place.-
- and be broke: ?
-and with his determination: pas le bon possessif.
- this men is: MEN est au pluriel.
remarques:
- il faut un "s" à la 3è personne du singulier au présent.
- choisir le même temps pour le résumé du film: présent ou passé.
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