Mobile phone/aide

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Mobile phone/aide
Message de emad2015 posté le 12-10-2016 à 01:04:30 (S | E | F)
Hello everyone.
I hope you are fine. By the way, I have written a text and I need correction if it's possible and thank you for your answers !

Mobile phone is used recently by the majority of people regardless the age. It's very important in the life. If it's had advantages that's not mean pupils have to bring it in schools. Therefore, it should be forbidden in school.
In fact, the student should focus on his lessons and concentrate in the class when the teacher explains. If he uses his phone, the concentration with the memorization will diminish. So he can forget what he learns.
Secondly, the excessive using of mobile phone at the class can be addiction for the pupil. He can unfortunately leave the school because of his small toy.
To conclude, I say that mobile phone shouldn't be allowed for student to bring it in school. Because we make a great future thanks to the school not to the mobile phone. I suggest sensitise people and parents to care for their children by letting them going to school without phone.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 12-10-2016 06:49

Réponse : Mobile phone/aide de kaleeisplayz, postée le 12-10-2016 à 13:38:49 (S | E)
Hello !
The text you wrote is very good ! I'm not really ok about what you said but it is not what you asked us to do. (I'm currently at school and mobile phones are forbidden (in the classroom, not in the hall)).
I found mistakes "It's very important in the life. If it's had advantages that's not mean pupils have to bring it in schools. "
"If he uses his phone, the concentration with the memorization will diminish." You should say "[...] concentration and memorization [...]".
"So he can forget what he learns" : This sentence is right but it isn't logical with what you said, if the pupil is using his phone, he won't learn nothing !
"Secondly" : You said that but there isn't "First" before ?
"the excessive using of mobile phone at the class can be x addiction for the pupil". (x = you forgot something)
In the sentence "He can unfortunately leave the school [...]" do you thing the adverb is correctly placed ?
The paragraph starting from "To conclude" is good.
I hope you will be able to correct your text.
Have a nice day !

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Modifié par lucile83 le 12-10-2016 21:58

Réponse : Mobile phone/aide de emad2015, postée le 12-10-2016 à 19:46:49 (S | E)
Hello !
Thank you for your answer. I think my text is better now.

Mobile phone is used recently by the majority of people regardless the age. It's very important in the life. If it's has advantages that's not mean pupils have to bring it to the school. Therefore, it should be forbidden in school.
First, the student should focus on his lessons and concentrate in the class when the teacher explains. If he uses his phone, concentration and memorization will diminish. So he can forget what he learns (I think it’s very very logical ;) ).
Secondly, the excessive using of mobile phone in the class can be an addiction for the pupil. He can leave unfortunately the school because of his small toy.
To conclude, I say that mobile phone shouldn't be allowed for student to bring it to the school. Because we make a great future thanks to the school not to the mobile phone. I suggest sensitise people and parents to care for their children by letting them going to school without phone.

Réponse : Mobile phone/aide de kaleeisplayz, postée le 12-10-2016 à 20:30:28 (S | E)
You still have mistakes, you were mistaken. Look at the green word in my previous comment, for example, before school, you have to write "at school".
I'm sorry for "unfortunately", but it was ok at the beginning !
"In the class" should be better "in class"
And you also forgot to correct "it's had" !!!

Good evening

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