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like/dislike rédaction - Correction
Message de likerti posté le 15-11-2006 à 19:12:06 (S | E | F | I)
Bonsoir, j’ai deux textes a rédiger ( que je viens de rédiger ) dans le contexte d’un dîner et sur la restauration rapide. Les textes peuvent être imaginatifs !
Il fallait que j’emploie des structures pour exprimer mes goûts et mes dégoûts.
Pourriez-vous corriger mes éventuelles fautes ? SVP
Recently during a meal with my friends, I ate new dishes, the Japanese and Chinese food. I appreciate this food and I’m interested in food of the other countries. I like eating nems and I like rice. But I dislike eating the sushis. I hate eating fish. I don't feel like eating fish, I prefer to eat some meat that I enjoy eating . In dessert, I love ice-cream green tea which I ate. It was a good meal.
One Wednesday noon, I ate in a fast food. I like hamburgers but I don't enjoy eating a lot of hamburgers. Because I don't feel like eating of the bad food for the health because I don't enjoy eating food too fat. I tried to eat balanced, with my hamburger I ate a compound salad because I love vegetables. I preferred not to take chips because I can't stand eating too much salted and the food is often too much salted in fast food restaurant. It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst. I like the fast food, it is practical, the food is rather good but it should not eat it in great quantities and often.
Merci d’avance pour votre aide .
Message de likerti posté le 15-11-2006 à 19:12:06 (S | E | F | I)
Bonsoir, j’ai deux textes a rédiger ( que je viens de rédiger ) dans le contexte d’un dîner et sur la restauration rapide. Les textes peuvent être imaginatifs !
Il fallait que j’emploie des structures pour exprimer mes goûts et mes dégoûts.
Pourriez-vous corriger mes éventuelles fautes ? SVP
Recently during a meal with my friends, I ate new dishes, the Japanese and Chinese food. I appreciate this food and I’m interested in food of the other countries. I like eating nems and I like rice. But I dislike eating the sushis. I hate eating fish. I don't feel like eating fish, I prefer to eat some meat that I enjoy eating . In dessert, I love ice-cream green tea which I ate. It was a good meal.
One Wednesday noon, I ate in a fast food. I like hamburgers but I don't enjoy eating a lot of hamburgers. Because I don't feel like eating of the bad food for the health because I don't enjoy eating food too fat. I tried to eat balanced, with my hamburger I ate a compound salad because I love vegetables. I preferred not to take chips because I can't stand eating too much salted and the food is often too much salted in fast food restaurant. It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst. I like the fast food, it is practical, the food is rather good but it should not eat it in great quantities and often.
Merci d’avance pour votre aide .
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de jean31, postée le 16-11-2006 à 19:01:27 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Ces quelques remarques devraient te permettre d'éliminer les fautes les plus criantes.
Mais il y en a d'autres...
Premier paragraphe :
=> A trois reprises, emploi abusif de "the" au lieu de (0) = article zéro.
=> As a dessert, I had some green tea ice-cream which I love.
Second paragraphe :
=> On Wednesday ... a fast food ----?------ <= Il manque le nom. Fast food joue seulement le rôle d'un adjectif.
=> La 2e phrase avec 2 fois because est une ineptie. A recomposer. On ne commence jamais une phrase par une conjonction de cause, me semble-t-il.
=> adjectif épithète DEVANT le nom qu'il qualifie, TOUJOURS !
=> consommer qqch = to have something. Jamais to take.
=> ... but it shoud not BE eatEN in great quantities NOR often.
Allez, corrige tout ça.
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de likerti, postée le 17-11-2006 à 17:47:32 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Merci, j’ai essayé de corriger en suivant vos remarques.
Premier paragraphe:
Recently during a meal with my friends, I ate new dishes, Japanese and Chinese food. I appreciate this food and I’m interested in food of other countries. I like eating nems and I like rice. But I dislike eating sushis. I hate eating fish. I don't feel like eating fish, I prefer to eat some meat that I enjoy eating. As a dessert, I had some green tea ice-cream which I love. It was a good meal.
Second paragraphe :
On Wednesday noon, I ate in a fast food restaurant. I like hamburgers but I don't enjoy eating a lot of hamburgers. I don't feel like eating of the bad food for the health because I don't enjoy eating food too fat. I tried to eat balanced, with my hamburger I ate a compound vegetables salad because I love. I preferred "not to have something" ( ou not to consume ?) chips because I can't stand eating too much salted and the food is often too much salted in fast food restaurant. It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst.
It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst. I like the fast food, it is practical, the food is rather good but it should not be eaten in great quantities nor often.
Est-ce satisfaisant ou pas ? merci !
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de jean31, postée le 17-11-2006 à 19:49:30 (S | E)
Le premier paragraphe est OK.
Le second contient encore des erreurs, déjà signalées précédemment. Attention.
Et pour l'amour du ciel, pense et écris directement en anglais, sans passer par le français.
Ce sont 2 langues différentes qui n'obéissent pas aux mêmes règles.
Donc, non seulement ça ne sert à rien d'écrire ton texte d'abord en français mais en plus ça nuit gravement au résultat. La preuve.
Résultat qui ressemble à l'anglais, certes, mais qui n'est pas de l'anglais authentique.
Suis-je assez clair ?
=> de la nourriture mauvaise pour la santé = unhealthy food
=> adjectif épithète DEVANT le nom. TOUJOURS.
=> not to have chips
=> emploi abusif de "the". Demande-toi si le nom qui suit est véritablement défini, soit par le contexte, soit par un déterminant.
C'est une faute typique qu'entraîne le passage par le français.
=> un certain nombre de répétitions pourraient être facilement évitées par l'emploi de pronoms par exemple.
Remets donc "l'ouvrage sur le métier" en te lisant d'un oeil férocement critique.
A +
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de likerti, postée le 17-11-2006 à 20:30:08 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Merci pour les conseils . Je vais prendre en considération votre avis ! Vous avez raison, je vais développer mon esprit critique sur mes textes !
J’ai essayé de suivre vos explications, mais je suis encore persuadé qu’il y a des erreurs
Je retravaillerais mon texte ce week-end !On Wednesday noon, I ate in a fast food restaurant. I like hamburgers but I don't enjoy eating a lot of hamburgers. I don't feel like eating of unhealthy food for the health because I don't enjoy eating food too fat. I tried to eat balanced, with my hamburger I ate a compound vegetables salad because I love. I preferred not to have chips because I can't stand eating too much salted and food is often too much salted in fast food restaurant. It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst. It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst. I like fast food restaurant, it is practical, the food is rather good but it should not be eaten in great quantities nor often. It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst. I like fast food restaurant, it is practical, (the) food is rather good but it should not be eaten in great quantities nor often.
Bon week-end !
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de jean31, postée le 17-11-2006 à 21:28:59 (S | E)
"Je retravaillerai (futur !) mon texte ce week-end !" => Que voilà une sage résolution !
=> ... of unhealthy food for the health... <=Tu le fais exprès pour me faire enrager ?
=> ... food too fat. <= HORREUR !
=> It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst. <= Tu dois être satisfait de la formule car tu l'emploies 3 fois !
Bon week-end quand même.
-------------------
Modifié par felin le 17-11-2006 21:33 Hello Likerti
I prefer to eat
I like eating nems and I like rice. ==> pour ne pas repeter like on dit I like to eat nems and rice as well.
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de likerti, postée le 18-11-2006 à 12:48:23 (S | E)
Bonjour,
J’ai effacé les répétitions (oups ! )
On ne dit pas « food too fat » ? Pour une alimentation trop riche, trop grasse. Je doute que ma nouvelle formule soit convenable.
On Wednesday noon, I ate in a fast food restaurant. I like hamburgers but I don't enjoy eating a lot of hamburgers. I don't feel like eating of unhealthy food (for health) because I don't enjoy eating calorie . I tried to eat balanced, with my hamburger I ate a compound vegetables salad because I love. I preferred not to have chips because I can't stand eating too much salted and food is often too much salted in fast food restaurant. It is then necessary to drink a lot to quench thirst. I like fast food restaurant, it is practical, the food is rather good but it should not be eaten in great quantities nor often.
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de jean31, postée le 18-11-2006 à 16:55:21 (S | E)
Bonjour, likerti
On ne dit pas « food too fat » ?
Hé non !
Vois-tu, l'anglais a la fichue habitude de placer l'adjectif DEVANT le nom !
=> Ce qui se dira donc : too fat food.
Par ailleurs, voici un petit coup de pouce pour te récompenser de ton travail.
=> I like hamburgers but I don't enjoy eating a lot of them.(le pronom évite la répétition)
=> I don't feel like eating (of) unhealthy food (for health) because I don't enjoy (eating) having too many calories .
=> I tried to (eat) have a balanced diet, with my hamburger I (ate) had a compound vegetables salad because I love it.
=> ...fast food restaurantS...(pluriel de généralité)
Voilà. Il ne te reste plus qu'à supprimer ce qui est en rouge entre parenthèses.
Have a nice weekend.
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de likerti, postée le 23-11-2006 à 17:12:27 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Ma réponse est un peu tardive, mais merci de votre aide, j’ai obtenu la note de 17/20.
Réponse: like/dislike rédaction - Correction de jean31, postée le 23-11-2006 à 17:39:35 (S | E)
Great!
INDISPENSABLES : 