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Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.
Préparation interro
Message de nicolas376 posté le 25-11-2006 à 10:46:44 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjours à tous, en fait, lundi j'ai une interro d'anglais et il faudra savoir parler d'un texte à l'écrit (Homelessness to Harvard); c'est pourquoi j'en ai fait untexte, pouvez-vous m'aider à le corriger svp?
Si vous avez des idées pour l'améliorer mon text, comme par exemple pour faire des phrases complexes, etc, n'hésitez pas. Merci
Liz Murray, now, 19 and her sister Lisa, now 22, lived a Dickensian existence: the name 'dickensian existence' comes from the name Charles Dickens who was an English writter. He always wrote stories about poor orphan boys, with a very miserable life, for example, 'Oliver Twist'. Doesn't it ring bell? The life of Liz when she was young. She and her sister keeped their mother away from the monthly welfare check. As their mother needed money for drugs, she tried to steal the money given by the social services..... poor girls.
So as to get money, Liz started working: she was bagging groceries, she worked too in a gas station.I think she probably didn't go to school because she was working yet she passed her exams as she was very clever.
Her parents separated in 1994. After the death of her mother in 1996, Liz became a homeless whereas her father was living in a shelter; so she took to the streets, sleeping outside or in hallways or crashing at friends' homes.
Up to now, Liz began to formulate a strategy for turning her life around; she knew she wanted to go back to school that's why she began to used all the potential bubbled up inside herself. So she intered into an alternative public school in Manhattan, who's called Humanities Prepatory Academy and managed to pack the four-year curriculum into two years with an A average.
Liz's dream is to become either an actress or a director. Since she wants a top-noch education, she decides to go to hardvard. So next autumn she will attend to Harvard.
Voilà, je remercie à l'avance les personnes qui voudront bien m'aider,merci. Je vous demande juste de m'indiquer mes fautes, pas de me les corriger, je préfère faire un travail constructif.
SEE YOU SOON!
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Modifié par vero7000 le 25-11-2006 10:51
Message de nicolas376 posté le 25-11-2006 à 10:46:44 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjours à tous, en fait, lundi j'ai une interro d'anglais et il faudra savoir parler d'un texte à l'écrit (Homelessness to Harvard); c'est pourquoi j'en ai fait un
Si vous avez des idées pour l'
Liz Murray, now, 19 and her sister Lisa, now 22, lived a Dickensian existence: the name 'dickensian existence' comes from the name Charles Dickens who was an English writter. He always wrote stories about poor orphan boys, with a very miserable life, for example, 'Oliver Twist'. Doesn't it ring bell? The life of Liz when she was young. She and her sister keeped their mother away from the monthly welfare check. As their mother needed money for drugs, she tried to steal the money given by the social services..... poor girls.
So as to get money, Liz started working: she was bagging groceries, she worked too in a gas station.I think she probably didn't go to school because she was working yet she passed her exams as she was very clever.
Her parents separated in 1994. After the death of her mother in 1996, Liz became a homeless whereas her father was living in a shelter; so she took to the streets, sleeping outside or in hallways or crashing at friends' homes.
Up to now, Liz began to formulate a strategy for turning her life around; she knew she wanted to go back to school that's why she began to used all the potential bubbled up inside herself. So she intered into an alternative public school in Manhattan, who's called Humanities Prepatory Academy and managed to pack the four-year curriculum into two years with an A average.
Liz's dream is to become either an actress or a director. Since she wants a top-noch education, she decides to go to hardvard. So next autumn she will attend to Harvard.
Voilà, je remercie à l'avance les personnes qui voudront bien m'aider,
SEE YOU SOON!
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Modifié par vero7000 le 25-11-2006 10:51
Réponse: Préparation interro de jean31, postée le 25-11-2006 à 11:53:30 (S | E)
Bonjour, nicolas376
Ces quelques remarques ci-dessous devraient te permettre de rectifier certaines erreurs.
=> … Dickensian … /majuscule.Je sais, à l'oral la différence ne s'entend pas mais prends l'habitude pour l'écrit.
=> … writer … /un seul T, la voyelle précédente étant accentuée. Racine write + -(e)r.
=> … orphans …/c’est aussi un nom.
=> … Doesn’t It ring YOU a bell? / est l’expression consacrée. Elle s’adresse à qqn. Donc pronom COD.
=> … The life of Liz when she was young. / n’est pas une phrase correcte, même à l’oral. Je suggère : HERE IS THE STORY OF Liz’s life when she was young.
=> …Keeped … / L’horreur que voilà ! N’as-tu jamais entendu parler des verbes irréguliers ?
=> … I tHink … / faute de frappe ? Attention à la prononciation du « th ».
=> … Liz became a homeless xxxxx. / homeless étant adjectif au singulier, tu dois ajouter un nom. D’ailleurs, tu as déjà mis l’article. Donc… ?
=> … she began to use(d) / Deuxième horreur ! Depuis quand emploie-t-on autre chose qu’une base verbale après to ?
=> … So she intered into / Orthographe => Enter, avec un E, est un verbe transitif direct, c-à-d suivi DIRECTEMENT du COD, c-à-d SANS préposition. Vu ?
=> … who est le relatif employé pour un antécédent de personne ! Est-ce le cas ici ? Non. Alors rectifie !
=> … Harvard … <= Orthographe !
=> … To attend est encore un verbe transitif DIRECT. Voir 3 lignes plus haut.
• Bilan : peut mieux faire ! Relis-toi attentivement de façon à progressivement apprendre à te passer de toute aide extérieure. You CAN do it!
• Good luck for the oral presentation.
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Modifié par jean31 le 25-11-2006 12:14
Réponse: Préparation interro de nicolas376, postée le 25-11-2006 à 12:16:34 (S | E)
Liz Murray, now, 19 and her sister Lisa, now 22, lived a Dickensian existence: the name 'Dickensian existence' comes from the name Charles Dickens who was an English writer. He always wrote stories about poor orphans boys, with a very miserable life, for example, 'Oliver Twist'. Doesn't it ring you a bell? Here is the story of Liz's life when she was young. She and her sister keept their mother away from the monthly welfare check. As their mother needed money for drugs, she tried to steal the money given by the social services..... poor girls.
So as to get money, Liz started working: she was bagging groceries, she worked too in a gas station.I think she probably didn't go to school because she was working yet she passed her exams as she was very clever.
Her parents separated in 1994. After the death of her mother in 1996, Liz became a homelessness whereas her father was living in a shelter; so she took to the streets, sleeping outside or in hallways or crashing at friends' homes.
Up to now, Liz began to formulate a strategy for turning her life around; she knew she wanted to go back to school that's why she began to use all the potential bubbled up inside herself. So she entered an alternative public school in Manhattan, which's called Humanities Prepatory Academy and managed to pack the four-year curriculum into two years with an A average.
Liz's dream is to become either an actress or a director. Since she wants a top-noch education, she decides to go to hardvard. So next autumn she will attend Harvard.
Voilà la correction, merci à vous Jean31, j'espère avoir tout bien corrigé!
Si vous avez d'autres suggestions n'hésitez pas.
See you soon
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Modifié par bridg le 25-11-2006 12:16
Réponse: Préparation interro de jean31, postée le 25-11-2006 à 12:38:20 (S | E)
For God's sake, take it easy and be more attentive!
I'm not going to spend the rest of the day with you!
=> ... about poor orphans boys,... N'ajoute pas de fautes ! Si tu conserves le nom "boys", alors "orphan" doit rester au singulier, car il prend valeur d'adjectif. Tu piges ?
Si tu m'avais lu attentivement, tu aurais employé le nom "orphans" tout seul.
=> ... kEpt perd un E au prétérit et se prononce donc "kèpt".
=> ... she worked in a gas station TOO. ou bien She ALSO worked in a gas station. Place de l'adverbe.
=> ... Liz became a homeless PERSON. Homelessness est le nom abstrait = le fait d'être sans logis.
=> Up to now, Liz began to formulate a strategy for turning her life around; <= Cette phrase me chagrine. Up to now = Jusqu'à présent, suivi d'un prétérit, il y a là quelque chose qui cloche. Qu'as-tu voulu dire au juste ? Je suis sûr que tu as d'abord rédigé en français puis "traduit" en anglais, n'est-ce pas ?
=> ...she decides to go to HARVARD. <= Tu le vois mieux en majuscules ?
Réponse: Préparation interro de nicolas376, postée le 25-11-2006 à 13:05:09 (S | E)
Liz Murray, now, 19 and her sister Lisa, now 22, lived a Dickensian existence: the name 'Dickensian existence' comes from the name Charles Dickens who was an English writer. He always wrote stories about poor orphans, with a very miserable life, for example, 'Oliver Twist'. Doesn't it ring you a bell? Here is the story of Liz's life when she was young. She and her sister kept their mother away from the monthly welfare check. As their mother needed money for drugs, she tried to steal the money given by the social services..... poor girls.
So as to get money, Liz started working: she was bagging groceries, she worked also in a gas station.I think she probably didn't go to school because she was working yet she passed her exams as she was very clever.
Her parents separated in 1994. After the death of her mother in 1996, Liz became a homeless person whereas her father was living in a shelter; so she took to the streets, sleeping outside or in hallways or crashing at friends' homes.
This is the reason why, Liz began to formulate a strategy for turning her life around; she knew she wanted to go back to school that's why she began to use all the potential bubbled up inside herself. So she entered an alternative public school in Manhattan, which's called Humanities Prepatory Academy and managed to pack the four-year curriculum into two years with an A average.
Liz's dream is to become either an actress or a director. Since she wants a top-noch education, she decides to go to Harvard. So next autumn she will attend Harvard.
Réponse: Préparation interro de nicolas376, postée le 25-11-2006 à 13:09:28 (S | E)
J'ai oublié de vous remercier, donc See you soon!
Réponse: Préparation interro de mibouche, postée le 25-11-2006 à 16:38:47 (S | E)
she was working yet ? Cette phrase m'interpelle. Peut on utiliser un autre mot que yet ? Bye ! Michaël
Réponse: Préparation interro de jean31, postée le 25-11-2006 à 16:53:44 (S | E)
Et tu as raison de te "sentir interpellé", mibouche !
Ce bougre de nicolas est fâché, aussi, avec la ponctuation.
Rétablissons-la donc pour lui.
=> "I think she probably didn't go to school because she was working. // Yet she passed her exams as she was very clever."
- N'est-ce pas mieux ainsi ?
- Ben oui, merci jean31.
- De rien, nicolas.
INDISPENSABLES : 