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La soirée (texte à corriger)?
Message de shakis posté le 12-09-2005 à 18:26:37 (S | E | F | I)
Bonsoir!
Voici un texte que je viens d'écrire qui est la réponse à une question que l'on avait à faire à propos d'un texte. Il n'y a pas besoin de connaître le contexte pour remarquer que j'ai sûrement beaucoup de fautes ! Pourriez-vous m'aider à les corriger s'il vous plait? Merci d'avance.
ps : je mets en rouge les endroits où j'ai particulièrement eu du mal
The first paragraph leads(nous emmène) us (in the same time of the orchestra) to the party. The narrator makes a general view of the crowd(la foule) with things which are obvious, like when he alludes to the hair of the guests : "hair bobbed in strange new ways". These hair-styles are out of the ordinary and show that the narrator possesses his own viewpoint about him.
The second paragraph leads us to a frantic rythm (un rythme endiablé) which is accuentate with(qui est ponctué par) the flux of the Gatsby's guests and with multitude of noises and colors ("the lights", "yellow", "the opera of voices"...). At this moment, we enter really (on entre réellement) in the crowd of guests. We are under the impression to be near bird which chirp ("chatter and laughter", "meetings between women"...). The rythm of the party has an inhuman effect.
This aspect is accentuated in the third paragraph when the narrator describes one of these guest (an gypsy) who dances queerly, like animal.
Gatsby's guests are describe of inusual way (de façon inhabituelle) which gives them a wild side (un côté sauvage).
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Edité par bridg le 12-09-2005 18:27
Message de shakis posté le 12-09-2005 à 18:26:37 (S | E | F | I)
Bonsoir!
Voici un texte que je viens d'écrire qui est la réponse à une question que l'on avait à faire à propos d'un texte. Il n'y a pas besoin de connaître le contexte pour remarquer que j'ai sûrement beaucoup de fautes ! Pourriez-vous m'aider à les corriger s'il vous plait? Merci d'avance.
ps : je mets en rouge les endroits où j'ai particulièrement eu du mal
The first paragraph leads(nous emmène) us (in the same time of the orchestra) to the party. The narrator makes a general view of the crowd(la foule) with things which are obvious, like when he alludes to the hair of the guests : "hair bobbed in strange new ways". These hair-styles are out of the ordinary and show that the narrator possesses his own viewpoint about him.
The second paragraph leads us to a frantic rythm (un rythme endiablé) which is accuentate with(qui est ponctué par) the flux of the Gatsby's guests and with multitude of noises and colors ("the lights", "yellow", "the opera of voices"...). At this moment, we enter really (on entre réellement) in the crowd of guests. We are under the impression to be near bird which chirp ("chatter and laughter", "meetings between women"...). The rythm of the party has an inhuman effect.
This aspect is accentuated in the third paragraph when the narrator describes one of these guest (an gypsy) who dances queerly, like animal.
Gatsby's guests are describe of inusual way (de façon inhabituelle) which gives them a wild side (un côté sauvage).
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Edité par bridg le 12-09-2005 18:27
Réponse: La soirée (texte à corriger)? de englishgirl, postée le 13-09-2005 à 01:51:20 (S | E)
Hello there, I'm Katy from Canada, and I'm a native english speaker. I live three hours north of Toronto.
Okay... I will copy the text and change a few things...
The first paragraph leads(nous emmène) us (in the same time of the orchestra) to the party.
What do you mean by "in the same time of the orchestra"? Do you mean, "at the same time as the orchestra"?
The narrator makes a general view of the crowd (la foule) noting things which stand out to him. For example, he alludes to the hair of the guests : "hair bobbed in strange new ways". To the narrator, these hair-styles are out of the ordinary, and his comment shows that he possesses his own viewpoint about them.
You might also want to talk about how the word "bobbed" suggests action, which helps us visualize the movement of the party. When hair is bobbing, people are animated, and moving around.
The second paragraph leads us to a frantic rythm, (un rythme endiablé)accuentated with(qui est ponctué par) the comings and goings of Gatsby's guests and with the multitude of noises and colors ("the lights", "yellow", "the opera of voices"...).
Yellow what? You're just going to quote "yellow"?
At this moment, we actually enter (on entre réellement) into the crowd, and it is as if we are really there. It is as if we are near chirping birds ("chatter and laughter", "meetings between women"...). The rythm of the party is more animalistic than human.
This aspect is then accentuated in the third paragraph when the narrator describes one of these guest (an gypsy) who dances queerly, like an animal.
Gatsby's guests are described in an unusual way, (de façon inhabituelle) and their wild sides are portrayed in an intriguing way. (un côté sauvage).
If you have more questions just ask!
from Katy from Canada
INDISPENSABLES : 