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When Anna .. (Correction)
Message de kimimaro posté le 02-03-2006 à 02:27:21 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous,
Je dois faire une expression écrite et je voudrais savoir si vous pouvez me dire ce que vous en pensez, surtout par rapport à la structure et à la grammaire afin de voir s'il n'y aurait pas de faute ou de phrases dont le sens n'est pas correct etc..
J'ai vraiment utilisé de l'anglais le plus simple possible avec de la grammaire que je connaissais mais je pense que mes erreurs se situent plutôt au niveau de l'utilisation de past perfect. enfin bref.
When anna left her husband, she thought she would find easily a pair of summer shoes but it was harder than expected. So she decided to try the fifth Avenue in order to find what she wanted. Suddenly, she met her brother in this avenue. His name was Edouard and he was secret agent. He had a large black jacket, black and a bigwig. She didn't want to talk with him because she had never like him since their chilhood because Edouard killed their parents without any reason. Anyway, in the family nobody liked him. That's why, Anna decided to run away and she took a little street. She wondered what her brother wanted. Perhaps, he worked without doubt for an organization of malefactor. She ran so fast than she didn't really look in front of her and bumped into someone. That person dressed in black asked her if she was Anna and she answered "yes !". Supposedly he was a friend of her husband. That strange person with a cold look take out a pistol and steered it to Anna. All at once Anna was terrify and thought about her only baby, Natasha. When Edouard arrived, Anna was soaked in blood, he took out his own pistol and shot at the person dressed in black. While Anna still was breathing, Edouard confessed her that he came to Newyork in order to tell her that he wasn't the murderer of their parents. Anna stared at him during few minutes and maked a smile.
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Edité par bridg le 02-03-2006 05:46
titre
Message de kimimaro posté le 02-03-2006 à 02:27:21 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous,
Je dois faire une expression écrite et je voudrais savoir si vous pouvez me dire ce que vous en pensez, surtout par rapport à la structure et à la grammaire afin de voir s'il n'y aurait pas de faute ou de phrases dont le sens n'est pas correct etc..
J'ai vraiment utilisé de l'anglais le plus simple possible avec de la grammaire que je connaissais mais je pense que mes erreurs se situent plutôt au niveau de l'utilisation de past perfect. enfin bref.
When anna left her husband, she thought she would find easily a pair of summer shoes but it was harder than expected. So she decided to try the fifth Avenue in order to find what she wanted. Suddenly, she met her brother in this avenue. His name was Edouard and he was secret agent. He had a large black jacket, black and a bigwig. She didn't want to talk with him because she had never like him since their chilhood because Edouard killed their parents without any reason. Anyway, in the family nobody liked him. That's why, Anna decided to run away and she took a little street. She wondered what her brother wanted. Perhaps, he worked without doubt for an organization of malefactor. She ran so fast than she didn't really look in front of her and bumped into someone. That person dressed in black asked her if she was Anna and she answered "yes !". Supposedly he was a friend of her husband. That strange person with a cold look take out a pistol and steered it to Anna. All at once Anna was terrify and thought about her only baby, Natasha. When Edouard arrived, Anna was soaked in blood, he took out his own pistol and shot at the person dressed in black. While Anna still was breathing, Edouard confessed her that he came to Newyork in order to tell her that he wasn't the murderer of their parents. Anna stared at him during few minutes and maked a smile.
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Edité par bridg le 02-03-2006 05:46
titre
Réponse: When Anna .. (Correction) de mp27, postée le 02-03-2006 à 06:30:38 (S | E)
Hello!
-- to wear: pour les vêtements, la perruque = porter. He “was wearing” a black coat.
-- to be a secret agent (il faut mettre l'article “a” avant la profession).
-- to talk “to” somebody.
-- to turn into a little street (au lieu du verbe to take).
-- (she) was wondering what her brother was doing (au lieu de: she wondered what he wanted).
-- a gang of organised crime (au lieu de organization of malefactor).
-- she ran so fast that (not than).
-- au sujet du pistolet... le verbe to take must be in the preterit, donc, “took”, and held it towards her (plutôt que d'utiliser le verbe to steer).
-- to be terrified, donc ici, Anna was terrified (pas terrify).
-- order des mots: “still” va entre was et breathing.
-- confessed (to her) that he came to New York.. Tu veux dire qu'il “était venu”, mais tu as mis: “that he came” = qu'il venait. Tu as donc besoin de “had”+ participe passé “come”.
Pour que ton histoire soit plausible, il faudrait que l'homme vêtu de noir qu'elle aperçoit dans la Cinquième Avenue, lui rappelle son frère Edouard, mais soit, en fait, celui qui essaye de la tuer quand elle tourne dans une petite rue.... autrement, on s'y perd!
Un assassin, en principe, s'enfuit et ne reste pas près de sa victime! Il me semble impossible que l'homme qui a tiré sur Anna soit encore près d'elle quand Edouard arrive, et donc, il est assez invraisemblable qu'Edouard puisse aussi facilement tirer sur lui! Par conséquent, il y a quelques additions, quelques coupures et de petits changements à faire dans l'histoire, si tu veux garder un bon déroulement vraisemblable. A toi de voir et de rassembler le tout!
-- Anna left her husband to do some shopping on her own. She thought ......
-- Suddenly, she saw a man wearing a large black jacket. She had the impression he was also wearing a black wig. He reminded her of her brother Edouard , who was a secret agent.
Au lieu de “she met”, mieux vaut utiliser le verbe voir/apercevoir: to see, au prétérit-->”she saw”.
to remind her of (somebody) = lui rappeler (quelqu'un), donc, “he reminded her of her brother”.
-- She didn't like her brother because Edouard killed their parents without any reason. Anyway, in the family nobody liked him. Anna decided to run away and she turned into a little street.
Ici, she didn't like -preterit- me semble mieux.
-- She thought about her brother and was wondering what he was doing. Perhaps was he working for a gang of organised crime?...
-- Was he her husband's friend? (au lieu de: Supposedly he was a friend of her husband).
-- That strange person, with a cold look, took out a pistol and held it towards Anna.
-- All at once Anna was terrified and thought about her only baby, Natasha. She fell on the pavement. She was soaked in blood and she fainted. When she opened her eyes, Edouard was there.
to fall = tomber – prétérit: fell. --- to faint = s'évanouir.
-- While Anna was still breathing, Edouard confessed that he had come to New York in order to tell her that he wasn't the one who killed their parents.
to kill = tuer.
-- Anna stared at him for a few minutes, then she smiled.
"For" a few minutes, au lieu de "during" car durant / pendant +durée se traduit par "for".
Réponse: When Anna .. (Correction) de willy, postée le 02-03-2006 à 09:22:27 (S | E)
Hello !
Petite remarque en passant : traduction de "pendant" :
- How long did you stay ? For two weeks (durée).
- When did you stay there ? During the war/the storm/the holiday(s).
Réponse: When Anna .. (Correction) de kimimaro, postée le 02-03-2006 à 10:49:21 (S | E)
Je vous remercie beaucoup.
INDISPENSABLES : 