Sauvetage / correction

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Forum anglais: Questions sur l'anglais
Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.

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Sauvetage / correction
Message de lolo59 posté le 16-03-2006 à 17:56:04 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour,
Je dois écrire un court article de journal (en anglais, bien sur!!!) pour raconter une opération de sauvetage. Je dois employer la forme passive lorsque c'est necessaire. Est-ce que ce texte que j'ai écrit répond bien à la consigne??Et si il y a des fautes pouvez-vous me les dire???
voici le texte:

A FIRE IN A HOTEL
A fire was starting nearly two o'clock, because the weather was sunny, hot, very hot. There wasn't rain since one month.Luckily, there wasn't many people in this hotel. There were 3 chambermaid, the director and 2 client.
Fortunately, a very young girl, Rosa saw the fire and ran see her parent. Immediately,her mother dialled 999 and firemen arrived.While a lot of firemen was stopped the fire, a fireman,John, rescued the chambermaid and the client.But the director wasn't anywhere. When the fire was stopped, firemen, policeman have hunted for him everywhere but anyone found the man. In fact, the director was going in a shop before the fire started.
The people were not seriously injured and the hotel was build 2 month later....

Merci de m'aider!!!!!!

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Edité par bridg le 16-03-2006 18:34
Titre

Réponse: HELP de coco02, postée le 16-03-2006 à 19:04:00 (S | E)
bonjour Lolo,

je vais essayer de t'aider en corrigeant quelques fautes. je n'ai pas l'impression que tu aies vraiment utilisé la voix passive.

A FIRE IN A HOTEL
A fire was starting nearly two o'clock, because the weather was sunny, hot, very hot. There wasn't rain since one month.Luckily, there wasn't many people in this hotel. There were 3 chambermaid, the director and 2 client.
Fortunately, a very young girl, Rosa saw the fire and ran see her parent. Immediately,her mother dialled 999 and firemen arrived.While a lot of firemen was stopped the fire, a fireman,John, rescued the chambermaid and the client.But the director wasn't anywhere. When the fire was stopped, firemen, policeman have hunted for him everywhere but anyone found the man. In fact, the director was going in a shop before the fire started.
The people were not seriously injured and the hotel was build 2 month later....

A fire started nearly at two o’clock, because the weather was sunny, hot, very hot.
Started = prétérit action courte dans le passé / at = toujours devant l’heure

There hasn’t been raining for one month.
(ça c’est un peu plus complexe et comme tu fais de l’anglais depuis deux je ne pense pas que tu aies vu cette forme en cours) / for devant une durée (ici un mois) since devant une date (par ex le 16 mars)

There were 3 Chambermaiden (pluriel – je crois que c’est « en » à vérifier tout de même), the director and 2 clients.

Fortunately, a very young girl, Rosa saw the fire and ran to see her parents ;

Immediately, her mother dialled (j’aurais mis un seul “l” à vérifier) 999 and the (article ici parce que l’on sait de qui on parle ce sont les pompiers que l’on a appelés)firemen arrived.

(enfin voilà un passif) While the fire was stopped by a lot of firemen (inversion (le complément est en début de phrase le sujet est à la fin) et by qui introduit le sujet (by est un repère pour voir que c’est une voie passive mais attention il n’y a pas forcément de sujet si tu dis « she was injured : c’est un passif tu aurais pu ajouter by the fire – la conjugaison du verber « to stop » montre bien le passif was/were + participe passé)
En français je pense que tu voulais dire « pendant que le feu était arrêté par plein de pompiers » tu vois la forme passive en anglais et en français est tout à fait identique.

Pour la suite attention aux pluriels . Le verbe « to hunt » veut dire chasser je ne pense pas que tu voulais dire cela je crois que tu voulais dire « chercher » = to look for

Ici anyone n’est pas bon : no one est plus approprié est signifie bien « personne »
In fact, the director was going in a shop while, ou as (before n’est pas approprié si tu utilises un passé progressif) the fire started

J'espère que j'ai pu t'aider mais attention à la facilité de se faire corriger ses fautes il faut que cela te soit profitable pour progresser.
Bien sûr je ne suis pas à l'abri d'erreurs donc j'espère que tu auras d'autre réponse pour comparer.

n'hésites pas à me contacter si tu as besoin d'aide
Coco02

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de lolo59, postée le 16-03-2006 à 19:31:06 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup de m'avoir aidée!!!!!!!Je vais corriger mes fautes!
à bientôt

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Modifié par emy64 le 16-03-2006 19:48

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de stefke, postée le 16-03-2006 à 19:59:03 (S | E)
Moi je dirais:

A FIRE IN A HOTEL

A fire was starting at nearly two o'clock, because the weather was sunny and hot, very hot. It hadn't rained for one month. Luckily, there wasn't/weren't (je sais pas trop mais je pense que weren't est mieux =S) many people in this hotel. There were 3 chambermaids, the director and 2 clients.
Fortunately, a very young girl, Rosa saw the fire and ran and see her parents. Her mother immediatelly dialled 999 and firemen arrived. While a lot of firemen were stopping the fire, a fireman,John, rescued the chambermaids and the clients. But the director wasn't anywhere. When the fire was stopped, firemen and policemen hunted for him everywhere but nobody found the man. In fact, the director had gone in a shop before the fire started.
People were not seriously injured and the hotel was build again 2 months later...

Ben en fait tu n'a qu'une voix passive je crois :S

En fait tu dois faire attention à la concordance des temps. C'est impossible de trouver un present perfect dans une hsitoire au passé puisque le present simple implique une continuité dans le présent...

Present simple - Present perfect
Past simple - Past perfect ;-) La past perfect c'est HAD + PP... (qu'on me corrige si je dit des bêtises mais je suis sur à 95% de cela!

Sinon ton texte est bien!!!

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de bnn, postée le 17-03-2006 à 14:23:12 (S | E)
See if this version serves a purpose:

Rescue From A Burning Hotel

It was an unbearably hot afternoon and it hadn't rained for a month. These extreme conditions set off a combustion fire in a hotel. Luckily, the hotel was almost empty, there being only the director, three maids, and two clients.

A small girl named Rosa happened to see the fire and ran to tell her parents. Her mother immediately dialed 999 and firemen arrived on the scene. While other firemen put out the fire, one of them, John, rescued the maids and the clients. However, the director was nowhere to be found.

After the fire was extinguished, the firemen, along with the police, searched for him everywhere, but without success. It turned out that the director had gone into a nearby shop before the fire began. Fortunately, no one was seriously injured and the hotel was rebuilt two months later.

Note: In America, 911 is the emergency number.

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de mp27, postée le 17-03-2006 à 14:34:35 (S | E)
Hello!

Voici quelques confirmations, additions et suggestions qui pourront t'être utiles:

--> The fire started at about two o'clock pm...
--> ... the weather was excessively hot and dry. L'adverbe est plus emphatique que sunny, hot, very hot et l'addition de l'adjectif dry marque en plus le manque de pluie.
--> It hadn't rained for a month /there hadn't been any rain for a month.
--> ... there weren't many people around in the hotel: only the manager, three chambermaids and 2 guests (guests = clients, dans un hôtel). Mieux, je pense, de regrouper les 2 phrases.
--> Fortunately Rosa, a very young girl, saw... (ponctuation et meilleure place pour Rosa)
--> ... ran to see her parents. Le verbe to tell (about it) serait mieux-> ran to tell her parents about it.
--> ... and the fire brigade arrived very quickly.
--> ... a lot of firemen were trying to stop the fire, (to try to stop = essayer d'arrêter).
--> ...,John, one of the firemen, rescued the chambermaids and the guests.
--> Unfortunately, the manager wasn't anywhere around. J'ai suggéré cet adverbe en tête pour faire écho à "luckily", "fortunately", employés précédemment.
--> When the fire was out [and the danger was over], ...
--> ... the firemen and the policemen kept on looking for him everywhere,
to keep on doing something = continuer à faire quelque chose.
to look for him: le chercher.
--> ... but the man couldn't be found. (voix passive) – to be found = être trouvé
--> ... the manager had left the hotel to go shopping, before the fire started.
--> ... and two months later, the hotel was rebuilt. (voix passive) – to be rebuilt = être reconstruit

Je vois un cas de plus pour la voix passive. Il suffirait de transformer:
......, John, one of the firemen, rescued the chambermaids and the guests. - tu pourrais utiliser "to be rescued by"...
......, the chambermaids and the guests were rescued by John, one of the firemen.

Tu comprends? N'hésite pas à demander s'il y a un problème.
J'espère que cela aura été utile.
Have a nice afternoon!

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de mp27, postée le 17-03-2006 à 15:49:54 (S | E)
Hello bnn!

Au moment de mon envoi (confirmation/correction/explications) sur le travail de "o", je n'avais pas vu ta proposition que tu avais envoyée juste auparavant.
I thought I would just mention that point to you, so that you don't feel I have ignored your message to o... Well, somehow, I think you wouldn't have thought that anyway, but I still wanted to add that precision to you.
By the way, it was quite interesting to notice the number used in US instead of 999. I certainly didn't know that. Thanks!

Have a peaceful day!
mp27

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de krokro, postée le 17-03-2006 à 17:17:26 (S | E)
Dans le but de privilegier la voix passive je suggère quelques modifications.

Je ne suis pas très sûr des concordances de temps ( excusez je vous prie les fautes d'accent mais j'ai un clavier anglais )
The fire was lighted by unknown reason except the heat .
Such a unbearing hot and dry summer had never been seen for many years and there had been no rain for one month.

Luckily there was very few people in the place , the manager , 3 chambermaids and two guests.
The manager had been leaving here with his family for one year , the chambermaids had been hired for one month and the guests had been there since that day.

Fortunately the fire was seen very early by Rosa the young manager's daughter.
The parents were informed right away by the girl.The firemen were rang by the mother who dialled the 999 and the fire was contained after a few minutes .

The fireman's team was very efficient and one of the chambermaid was rescued by John the youngest fireman .One guest also was saved by the same fireman.

As soon as the fire was extinguished , the director was been looking for , but he wasn't seen in spite he was hunted for by the firemen and a policeman .
In fact he had been called out by supplying need before the fire started .
Now the happy end was waited for .
Any people wasn't seriously injured and three month later the hotel was repaired and a new couple can be received : the fireman and the chambermaid

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Modifié par emy64 le 17-03-2006 17:24

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de mp27, postée le 17-03-2006 à 18:26:35 (S | E)
Hello krokro!

Je ne sais pas si tu as remarqué, mais o a mis au début les instructions qu'elle avait reçues pour son article:
"Je dois employer la forme passive lorsque c'est nécessaire".

Cela ne veut pas dire qu'elle doit tourner le maximum de phrases à la voix passive, mais seulement là où c'est nécessaire. Avec son texte corrigé, elle a finalement 3 voix passives. Ce n'est pas trop mal, tu ne trouves pas? Lui rajouter des voix passives partout risqueraient d'amener quelques confusions. Qu'en penses-tu?

Entre parenthèses, je compatis avec tes problèmes d'accents. Moi aussi, j'ai un clavier anglais. Je pense avoir amélioré la situation, mais ...

All the best!
mp27

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de bnn, postée le 17-03-2006 à 22:18:38 (S | E)
Chère mp : Où as-tu fourré tes lunettes ?

FOURRER v. tr. XIIe siècle, forrer. Probablement dérivé de l'ancien français fuerre (voir Fourreau).
I. ..........
II...........Où ai-je fourré mes lunettes ?........
LE DICTIONNAIRE DE L'ACADÉMIE FRANÇAISE 8ème Edition

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de mp27, postée le 17-03-2006 à 22:51:52 (S | E)
Good evening bnn!

Je vois que ton français progresse. Ton dictionnaire m'impressionne!
Réponses possibles à ta question: Où as-tu fourré tes lunettes?
Je pense que je les ai laissées dans le tiroir.
Je crois que je les ai mises sur la table.
Bonne continuation!

Réponse: Sauvetage / correction de bnn, postée le 18-03-2006 à 02:26:55 (S | E)
beaucoup, mp ! Je fournis un effort.

Bonne nuit et fais de beaux rêves !

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