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Message de arthur16 posté le 22-04-2006 à 21:05:44 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous!
Je dois prochainement rendre une rédaction, de niveau 1ère, nous amenant à décrire une image. Cette dernière est disponible à cette adresse: Lien Internet
Je souhaiterais savoir si une ou plusieurs personnes seraient susceptibles de corriger ou préciser mes erreurs dans ma rédaction(car il doit bien y en avoir comme à chaque fois..)
"This document is a photograph that I found on Internet. She is very interesting for differents reasons.
It is a matter of Square Time, a famous street in New York, more precisely on Manhattan. The capitalist spirit prevails with advertisements, tourists bus or again luxuries cars. That photograph illustrates perfectly the life american and the world of today according to me.
In the first place, skycrapers are omnipresent in the background, they are everywhere in city. Each walls assert multinational corporations as Kodak, Merril Lynch, Maxell and Planet Hollywood.
Then, it is a great representation of differents peoples who lives or visits this center of the world. New York is an example of multi-culturalism and we notice this movement through that screen shot.
Thus, we can see many people in foreground; mainly blacks. Two young individuals with a red tee-shirt walk while talking about. At their right, an older black seems to be in hurry, its glance toward the pavement. Behind them, a black and big car allows the pedestrian crossing of a father and his baby. This last has a short therefore weather must be pleasant and warm.
Peoples are almost all in action, each one walks in looking an advertisment, a skycraper, somebody or the street. Moreover, there is as much of childrens, students, paids or tourists on the photograph, maybe can we say that New York is magic by her population. At least, I think it.
A red bus runs on the roadway. He transports tourists who wish see each street, each monuments and each famous place of New York. The “New York Sightseeing” bus are specialists in this field.
In front of, we can distinguish two taxis cars which are easy well-known for their yellow color.
Behind, all the boulevard of Times Square to appears like a vast traffic jam.
The americans’technology to feels by these many advertisments which adorn walls of Square Time: photography, music, computer, camera, cinema and television. The Planet Hollywood indicates that we observe a famous street.
In conclusion, Square Time is a modern street in the city of New York. That photograph is thus representative of the americans’ way of life."
Merci !!
et bonne fin de week-end à tous
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Modifié par bridg le 22-04-2006 21:28
titre
Message de arthur16 posté le 22-04-2006 à 21:05:44 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour à tous!
Je dois prochainement rendre une rédaction, de niveau 1ère, nous amenant à décrire une image. Cette dernière est disponible à cette adresse: Lien Internet
Je souhaiterais savoir si une ou plusieurs personnes seraient susceptibles de corriger ou préciser mes erreurs dans ma rédaction(car il doit bien y en avoir comme à chaque fois..)
"This document is a photograph that I found on Internet. She is very interesting for differents reasons.
It is a matter of Square Time, a famous street in New York, more precisely on Manhattan. The capitalist spirit prevails with advertisements, tourists bus or again luxuries cars. That photograph illustrates perfectly the life american and the world of today according to me.
In the first place, skycrapers are omnipresent in the background, they are everywhere in city. Each walls assert multinational corporations as Kodak, Merril Lynch, Maxell and Planet Hollywood.
Then, it is a great representation of differents peoples who lives or visits this center of the world. New York is an example of multi-culturalism and we notice this movement through that screen shot.
Thus, we can see many people in foreground; mainly blacks. Two young individuals with a red tee-shirt walk while talking about. At their right, an older black seems to be in hurry, its glance toward the pavement. Behind them, a black and big car allows the pedestrian crossing of a father and his baby. This last has a short therefore weather must be pleasant and warm.
Peoples are almost all in action, each one walks in looking an advertisment, a skycraper, somebody or the street. Moreover, there is as much of childrens, students, paids or tourists on the photograph, maybe can we say that New York is magic by her population. At least, I think it.
A red bus runs on the roadway. He transports tourists who wish see each street, each monuments and each famous place of New York. The “New York Sightseeing” bus are specialists in this field.
In front of, we can distinguish two taxis cars which are easy well-known for their yellow color.
Behind, all the boulevard of Times Square to appears like a vast traffic jam.
The americans’technology to feels by these many advertisments which adorn walls of Square Time: photography, music, computer, camera, cinema and television. The Planet Hollywood indicates that we observe a famous street.
In conclusion, Square Time is a modern street in the city of New York. That photograph is thus representative of the americans’ way of life."
Merci !!
et bonne fin de week-end à tous
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 22-04-2006 21:28
titre
Réponse: Commenter une photo(correction) de bridg, postée le 23-04-2006 à 10:34:06 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ma proposition:
"This document is a picture found on Internet. It's very interesting for different reasons.
It is a matter of Square Time, a famous street in New York, more precisely in Manhattan. The capitalist spirit prevails with advertisements, tourists buses or luxuriant cars too. According to me that photograph perfectly illustrates the American life and the present world.
First, skyscrapers are omnipresent in the background, they are everywhere in the city. Each wall asserts multinational corporations as Kodak, Merrill Lynch, Maxell and Planet Hollywood.
Then, it is a great representation of different people living or visiting this centre of the world. New York is an example of multi-culture and we notice this movement through that screen shot.
Thus, we can see many people in the foreground; mainly black ones. Two young individuals with a red tee-shirt are walking while talking about. On their right, an older black man seems to be in a hurry, he glances toward the pavement. Behind them, a black and big car allows a father and his baby to cross the street. This last wears short pants therefore the weather might be pleasant and warm.
Almost all people are in action, each one walks by looking at an advertisement, a skyscraper, somebody or the street. Moreover, there are many children, students, paids ??? or tourists on the photograph, maybe we can say that New York is magic by its population. At least, I think it.
A red bus runs on the roadway. He transports tourists who wish to see each street, each monument and each famous New York place. The “New York Sightseeing” buses are specialist in this field.
In the foreground we can distinguish two taxis , well-known for their yellow colour.
In the background all Times Square Boulevard , appears like a vast traffic jam.
The American technology can be felt through these many advertisements adorning Square Time walls: photography, music, computer, camera, cinema and television. The Planet Hollywood indicates that we observe a famous street.
In conclusion, Square Time is a modern street in New York City . That photograph is thus representative of the American way of life."
Voilà, j'espère vous avoir aidé.
See you soon.
Réponse: Commenter une photo(correction) de arthur16, postée le 23-04-2006 à 19:14:59 (S | E)
Bonjour bridg et merci beaucoup d'avoir pris le temps de corriger mon travail!
Je remarque grâce à vous de grossières erreurs (present be-ing, accords 3ème personnes ou accords de noms au pluriel) et quelques formules mal exprimées
Par le mot "paid", j'entendais la traduction de "travailleur", de "salarié" (j'aurai dû me contenter de "workers"); mais je pense retirer ce mots de la redaction car il est beaucoup trop poussé
Merci encore pour le temps que tu m'as consacré
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Modifié par bridg le 23-04-2006 21:44
Réponse: Commenter une photo(correction) de bridg, postée le 23-04-2006 à 19:16:01 (S | E)
INDISPENSABLES : 