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Tout ce qui a un rapport avec l'apprentissage de l'anglais: grammaire, orthographe, aides aux devoirs, phrases etc.
DM anglais correction
Message de lionlys posté le 24-09-2006 à 10:00:32 (S | E | F | I)
Salut à tous,
Je fais appel(le) à vous pour pouvoir corriger mon petit résume en anglais car je ne suis strictement pas bon.
j'ai espère que vous comprendrez ce que j'ai voulu dire.
Encore un petit truc le sujet du texte que j'avais à résumer parlait des armes feu aux USA.
Voici mon résume:
This document is about to "school shooter" in US. This document is about to a survey in the presence of firearms in the home and problems firearms in the school. According to the survey of NTAC, two-thirds of the 41 students involved in 37 school-shooting incidents since 1974 got their guns from their own home. Next the coalition to Stop Gun Violence estimated there are 192 million guns in private hands. Moreover, the american journal of publis health, declared it had 43% of homes with both guns and children had at least one unlocked firearm and whose 10% in them keept a firearm loaded. Laurence Steinberg, a criminologist declared, there was a escalate of the violence in the senior and surrent generation.
To conclude, the schoool shooters cannot that continued because the firearms became something very easy to find.
Merci
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Modifié par webmaster le 24-09-2006 10:22
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Modifié par bridg le 24-09-2006 10:50
Corrections
Message de lionlys posté le 24-09-2006 à 10:00:32 (S | E | F | I)
Salut à tous,
Je fais appel(
j'
Encore un petit truc le sujet du texte que j'avais à résumer parlait des armes feu aux USA.
Voici mon résume:
This document is about to "school shooter" in US. This document is about to a survey in the presence of firearms in the home and problems firearms in the school. According to the survey of NTAC, two-thirds of the 41 students involved in 37 school-shooting incidents since 1974 got their guns from their own home. Next the coalition to Stop Gun Violence estimated there are 192 million guns in private hands. Moreover, the american journal of publis health, declared it had 43% of homes with both guns and children had at least one unlocked firearm and whose 10% in them keept a firearm loaded. Laurence Steinberg, a criminologist declared, there was a escalate of the violence in the senior and surrent generation.
To conclude, the schoool shooters cannot that continued because the firearms became something very easy to find.
Merci
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Modifié par webmaster le 24-09-2006 10:22
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Modifié par bridg le 24-09-2006 10:50
Corrections
Réponse: DM anglais correction de jean31, postée le 24-09-2006 à 11:19:19 (S | E)
Bonjour lionlys,
Je te signale les choses à corriger ou à modifier. <à supprimer>
A partir de ça, c'est à toi de jouer.
This document is about
To conclude, the schoool shooters cannot
1 Soit tu mets le 2e nom au pluriel, soit tu reprends le nom verbal.
2 Article obligatoire, à toi de trouver lequel.
3 Mauvaise préposition.
4 Manque la préposition de possession.
5 Les adjectifs de nationalité prennent toujours la majuscule.
5 + 6 + 7(orth.) +8 Un nom de périodique prend en principe des majuscules. A vérifier.
9 Je prendrais plutôt "43% of homes" comme sujet de cette phrase avec le verbe have.
10 Phrase incorrecte à partir de "and whose..." A reconstruire.
11 Revoir la règle d'emploi de l'article indéfini.
12 Ce n'est pas le nom. Modifier la terminaison.
13 Faute de frappe sur la première lettre ?
14 Horreur ! Un modal doit toujours être suivi d'une Base Verbale ou infinitif sans to.
15 Faute de temps. Employer le present perfect.
Allez, au boulot ! A te lire.
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Modifié par jean31 le 24-09-2006 11:22
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Modifié par jean31 le 24-09-2006 11:23
suite
merci jean31 pour cette premiere correction
voila le corrigé, pourrais tu me dire si le texte est correct ou il y a encore des fautes.
This document is about "school shooters" in the US. This document is about a survey on the presence of firearms in the home and in the school. According to the survey of NTAC, two-thirds of the 41 students involved in 37 school-shooting incidents since 1974 got their guns from their own home. Next the coalition to Stop Gun Violence estimated there are 192 million guns in private hands. Moreover, the American Journal of Public Health, declared that 43% of homes have with both guns and children had at least one unlocked firearm and of which 10% of them would keep a firearm loaded. Laurence Steinberg, a criminologist, declared there was an increase in the violence in the senior and current generation.
To conclude, the schoool shooters cannot continu that way because firearms have become something very easy to find.
merci encore
Réponse: DM anglais correction de jean31, postée le 24-09-2006 à 14:15:59 (S | E)
Coucou lionlys,
This document is about "school shooters" in the US. This document is about a survey on the presence of firearms in the home and in the school. According to the survey of NTAC, two-thirds of the 41 students involved in 37 school-shooting incidents since 1974 got their guns from their own home. Next the coalition to Stop Gun Violence estimated there are 192 million guns in private hands. Moreover, the American Journal of Public Health, declared that 43% of homes had
To conclude, the schoool shooters cannot continue that way because firearms have become something very easy to find.
*=> Bravo pour avoir su tirer parti de mes annotations.
*=> Attention toujours à l'emploi de l'article défini en anglais, ou plutôt son omission.Ce n'est pas pour rien que l'on parle "d'article zéro". N'oublie pas que tu écris en anglais !
Good luck.
salut lionlys je voulais juste te dire que je trouverai plus juste de mettre "this text deals with" à la place de "this text is about"
voila c'était juste un petit conseil
bon courage a+
Réponse: DM anglais correction de lionlys, postée le 24-09-2006 à 20:54:56 (S | E)
merci jean31 et kyk pour se conseil cela me permettra de change un peu d'expression
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Modifié par lionlys le 25-09-2006 06:35
INDISPENSABLES : 