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correction of essay
Message de felicity posté le 25-10-2006 à 16:12:23 (S | E | F | I)
Hello !!
our teachers ask us to write an essay about a famous personnality ! i wrote it , but if possible, i want to be corrected !!
-------->Tom CRUISE is the most famous name in hollywood, but his begining of live wasn't easy . first , he was born in the third of july 1962 in syracuse (new york). he was the only child (among 4 childreb) who was interested to be acotor. he has a poor childhood because their parents moved a lot to look for job that's why he had many problems to be friendly with other poeple. he attented 15 differents schools in the US and canada . he was seriously thinking about improving the financial situation of his family...
at one moment of his life , he want to be priest.. but he discovered that his vocation was ti be in hollywood!
his cousin was an actor , he encouraged him to carry on en this way . it was a brilliant advice , because now, Tom CRUISE have ben an historique name in hollywood. he did many wonderful and famous works like "mission impossible" which helped him to improve his name on the high step of hollywood , "jerry Mcguire" , "interview with a vampire" (with Brad PITT)
he doesn't stop on his actor job , he is also a producter and director of some films!
wich concern his "love stories" , he make many relation with famous woman like Nichole KIDMAN and Mimi ROGER (who was married and divorced with).. but now , he settle with kattie holmes!
he won 3 goldengolbs , 3 oscars and baft a nomination...
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Modifié par bridg le 25-10-2006 16:13
Forum principal
Message de felicity posté le 25-10-2006 à 16:12:23 (S | E | F | I)
Hello !!
our teachers ask us to write an essay about a famous personnality ! i wrote it , but if possible, i want to be corrected !!
-------->Tom CRUISE is the most famous name in hollywood, but his begining of live wasn't easy . first , he was born in the third of july 1962 in syracuse (new york). he was the only child (among 4 childreb) who was interested to be acotor. he has a poor childhood because their parents moved a lot to look for job that's why he had many problems to be friendly with other poeple. he attented 15 differents schools in the US and canada . he was seriously thinking about improving the financial situation of his family...
at one moment of his life , he want to be priest.. but he discovered that his vocation was ti be in hollywood!
his cousin was an actor , he encouraged him to carry on en this way . it was a brilliant advice , because now, Tom CRUISE have ben an historique name in hollywood. he did many wonderful and famous works like "mission impossible" which helped him to improve his name on the high step of hollywood , "jerry Mcguire" , "interview with a vampire" (with Brad PITT)
he doesn't stop on his actor job , he is also a producter and director of some films!
wich concern his "love stories" , he make many relation with famous woman like Nichole KIDMAN and Mimi ROGER (who was married and divorced with).. but now , he settle with kattie holmes!
he won 3 goldengolbs , 3 oscars and baft a nomination...
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Modifié par bridg le 25-10-2006 16:13
Forum principal
Réponse: correction of essay de mp27, postée le 25-10-2006 à 19:55:14 (S | E)
Hello felicity!
Avant de nous passer ton travail, il faudrait prendre le temps de
-- vérifier toi-même l'orthographe avec le dictionnaire. Il y a beaucoup de mots que tu pourrais corriger.
-- utiliser aussi le dictionnaire pour t'aider à trouver / choisir les mots appropriés
-- mettre toutes les majuscules à la première lettre des mots en tête de phrases et des noms de pays et de villes.
-- revoir tes verbes dans chaque phrase, te poser la question sur le temps à employer... et t'assurer de la bonne conjugaison. Tu ne sembles pas suffisamment prêter attention à ce point.
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-- begining--> orthographe
-- live--> c'est le verbe, et tu as besoin du nom.
-- il s'agit du début de sa vie, donc “his” doit être placé devant le nom “vie”.
-- first--> majuscule après le point. Ici, je trouve que first est superflu.
-- date: pas “in” mais...?.
-- syracuse, new york , hollywood-->: majuscule
Pourrais-tu faire toutes les corrections de majuscules en début de phrase ...? il est inutile que je répète plusieurs fois la même chose.
-- childreb???
-- acotor???
-- interested (+ in + Ving)
-- he has--> pourquoi ce présent?
-- “he”... "ses" parents --> pas “their”.
-- to look for job --> mettre article indéfini devant job
-- differents schools --> l'adjectif s'accorde-t-il avec le nom?
-- one moment --> consulte ton dictionnaire pour un meilleur mot.
-- at one moment of his life--> pas "moment" ... et pas "of"
-- he want --> ce que tu as écrit n'est ni un present, ni un preterit. Attention au temps à emplyer.
-- ti be --> faute de frappe (ti)
-- en this way? --> en?
-- Tom cruise "have ben"--> la conjugaison laisse à désirer...
-- historique name --> historique ne correspond pas à l'orthographe anglaise... Recherche dans ton dictionnaire pour trouver un mot qui convient mieux.
-- to improve his name on the high step of hollywood.--> ? pas bien exprimé. .. the "high step"?
-- he doesn't stop on his actor job: traduction mot à mot du français qui ne rend pas du tout l'idée en anglais
-- a producter--> voir othographe dans ton dictionnaire.
-- wich concern ....--> ? ce n'est pas comme cela qu'on dit: en ce qui concerne ... Recherche l'expression qui commence par "as far as..... -- mais tu aurais pu aussi dire "about" (au sujet de...)
-- he make--> ce que tu as écrit n'est ni un présent ni un prétérit. Fais bien plus attention au temps de tes verbes!
-- Pas cohérent ton emploi des majuscules pour les noms. PITT, KIDMAN, ROGER en majuscules, mais kattie holmes n'a pas le droit à la moindre majuscule..?..)
-- many relation with famous woman: tu vois tes fautes?
--now he settle with kattie holmes: encore une fois, le temps du verbe ne semble pas avoir été considéré...
-- goldengolbs--> en 2 mots, et revoir l'orthographe
-- baft a nomination --> on reçoit "a BAFT award" (BAFT, avec majuscules)
INDISPENSABLES : 