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me corriger / rédaction
Message de ririne771 posté le 02-11-2006 à 14:24:07 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour , Pourriez vous m'aider à corriger cette rédaction ? Merci d'avance . . .
Last week, I saw “ Ring of missing poet ” and I wonder if I would like to study in a school like Welton . First glance , there are advantages in this school but maybe I wouldn’t like to study there.
On the one hand , we can find advantages :
In Welton , pupils have fun because everybody are teenagers. I suppose there are sometimes pillow’s battle and gathering in a room for do feast !
I think the standard is very high and to have success in study it’s better. Pupils help each other. More over teachers help also the pupils.
But the most important argument is that parents are far . . . far . . from the students !
But on the other hand , I wouldn’t like to study in Welton because :
Parents are replaced by strict teachers who give us a caning if our behaviour is incorrect. In this school we must study every time and it’s very hard.
We have to wear an uniform. More over we can’t go outside during the week ! We are not free !
To finish be far from the family is also an drawback because we miss family. But the worth is : there is no boy ! only girls !
Thus , I can say I prefer to study in my high school ! Even if standard is lower , I think it is enough to have a good job ! More over in my city we have freedom !
Message de ririne771 posté le 02-11-2006 à 14:24:07 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour , Pourriez vous m'aider à corriger cette rédaction ? Merci d'avance . . .
Last week, I saw “ Ring of missing poet ” and I wonder if I would like to study in a school like Welton . First glance , there are advantages in this school but maybe I wouldn’t like to study there.
On the one hand , we can find advantages :
In Welton , pupils have fun because everybody are teenagers. I suppose there are sometimes pillow’s battle and gathering in a room for do feast !
I think the standard is very high and to have success in study it’s better. Pupils help each other. More over teachers help also the pupils.
But the most important argument is that parents are far . . . far . . from the students !
But on the other hand , I wouldn’t like to study in Welton because :
Parents are replaced by strict teachers who give us a caning if our behaviour is incorrect. In this school we must study every time and it’s very hard.
We have to wear an uniform. More over we can’t go outside during the week ! We are not free !
To finish be far from the family is also an drawback because we miss family. But the worth is : there is no boy ! only girls !
Thus , I can say I prefer to study in my high school ! Even if standard is lower , I think it is enough to have a good job ! More over in my city we have freedom !
Réponse: me corriger / rédaction de dlestarjette, postée le 04-11-2006 à 09:38:11 (S | E)
Salut, j'ai corrigé un peu ton rédaction, mais attention ! C'est bon avec ton instituteur que tu aies l'aide en ligne ? Quand même, bon travail !!
Last week, I saw “Ring of (the?) Missing Poet,” and I wonder if I would like to study in a school like Welton. (At) first glance, there are advantages (to) this school, but maybe I wouldn’t like to study there.
On the one hand, we can find advantages : [je ne dirais pas "On the one hand..." -- Ça suffise de commencer avec "At Welton..."]
(At) Welton, pupils have fun, because everybody are teenagers (ou, on peut dire "everybody is a teenager). I suppose there are (pillow fights sometimes), and gathering in a room for do feast ! [Je ne comprends pas vraiment ce que tu veux dire ; peut-être, "and gathering together for meals" serait mieux.]
I think the standard is very high, (but it's better to be successful in one's studies). Pupils help each other. Moreover, teachers (also help) the pupils.
The most important argument, (however,) is that parents are (far away) from the students!
On the other hand, I wouldn’t like to study in Welton because parents are replaced by strict teachers who give us a caning for misbehaving. [Ohlala !! C'est vrai ???] (At this school, we must study all the time, and it's very difficult.)
We have to wear a uniform. Moreover, we can’t go outside during the week! [C'est un prison, non ?] We are not free! (Finally), (being) far from our (families) is also an drawback, because we miss (them). (Plus,) there (are) no boy(s), only girls! [Cette phrase est nécessaire ?]
Thus, I can say (that) I prefer to study at my high school, even if (the) standard is lower, I think it is enough to (get) a good job! Moreover, in my city, we (are free)!
INDISPENSABLES : 