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Othello (aide)
Message de fashion_azn posté le 13-02-2007 à 18:54:34 (S | E | F | I)
bonjour, pouvez vous m'aidez à me corriger s'il vous plait, merci
The story talks about Othello, « a noble Moor » who was married in secrecy with a girl who is called Desdemona. His ensign tries to break their romance by announcing to the father of Desdemona their union: this one accepting their marriage and Othello thus leaves for Cyprus to fight against the Turks accompanied by Desdemona.
However Iago, his ensign repeatedly tries to undo Othello, indeed Othello having chosen Cassio as lieutenant, Iago is jealous. He tries to break Othello.
Finally, Iago succeeding by affirming to him that Desdemona and Cassio have a relation. Othello ends up killing Desdemona. After having realized of its error, Othello commits suicide in grief
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Modifié par bridg le 13-02-2007 18:56
Message de fashion_azn posté le 13-02-2007 à 18:54:34 (S | E | F | I)
bonjour, pouvez vous m'aidez à me corriger s'il vous plait, merci
The story talks about Othello, « a noble Moor » who was married in secrecy with a girl who is called Desdemona. His ensign tries to break their romance by announcing to the father of Desdemona their union: this one accepting their marriage and Othello thus leaves for Cyprus to fight against the Turks accompanied by Desdemona.
However Iago, his ensign repeatedly tries to undo Othello, indeed Othello having chosen Cassio as lieutenant, Iago is jealous. He tries to break Othello.
Finally, Iago succeeding by affirming to him that Desdemona and Cassio have a relation. Othello ends up killing Desdemona. After having realized of its error, Othello commits suicide in grief
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Modifié par bridg le 13-02-2007 18:56
Réponse: Othello (aide) de magstmarc, postée le 13-02-2007 à 19:15:46 (S | E)
Hello fashion_azn,
Je te mets en rouge ce qui me semble poser problème :
The story talks about Othello, « a noble Moor » who was married in secrecy with a girl (who is) called Desdemona. His ensign tries to break their romance by announcing to the father of Desdemona their union : this one accepting their marriage and Othello thus leaves for Cyprus to fight against the Turks accompanied by Desdemona.
However Iago, his ensign repeatedly tries to undo Othello, indeed Othello having chosen Cassio as lieutenant, Iago is jealous. He tries to break Othello.
Finally, Iago succeeding by affirming to him that Desdemona and Cassio have a relation. Othello ends up killing Desdemona. After having realized of its error, Othello commits suicide in grief.
Il y a aussi une phrase un peu lourde (celle qui parle de la jalousie de Iago)
A part ça, ça n'est pas mal !
Essaye de corriger tout cela...
Réponse: Othello (aide) de marilynsaddict, postée le 15-02-2007 à 20:03:07 (S | E)
Voici mes petites remarques!
En secret = plutot secretly je pense que ca fera moins lourd.
Je trouve aussi que tu utilise beaucoup de forme en - ING qui ne sont pas forcément nécessaire. Du coup ca donne une traduction assez calquée au francais... Essaye plutot d'employer du présent puisque ton récit est au présent ou de construire tes phrases autrement. Ca donnera un style plus léger. Voilà!
Enjoy!!!!!
INDISPENSABLES : 