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once upon a time
Message de kichtoune posté le 06-02-2005 à 18:41:09 (S | E | F | I)
bonjour, voila donc les premiers paragraphes de ce conte que je dois écrire, je n'ai pas encore eu le temps de rédiger la suite mais pourriez-vous déjà corriger cette partie s'il vous plaît? merci beaucoup
Once upon a time, in a far-off country, a realm was devastated by a mysterious disease. Its King, loving with passion his wife the Queen, didn’t see the misery from which his fellows sufferedhis fellows. He spent his time to cover covering the Queen of with gifts, entrenched in a palace made with gold and marble. Nothing was too beautiful for her angelical face and her graceful form. But this one didn’t pay attention to all this these dresses embroiled with rubies and sapphires or of all jewels sparkling with thousand fires. She would have preferred that her husband kept busy affairs of the country and wages war in order to conquer new territories.
The disease had been propagated swiftly as far as the King’s residence. The servants, ones after the others, had been hit by this unknown hurt, without remedy. The Queen fell inits her turn gravely ill. Her body, her face, formerly splendid, had been covered with infectious wounds now. The King was shattered. He sent for all doctors, all scientists of this world to the bedside of his dulcinea but no one could cure her.
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Edité par emy64 le 06-02-2005 18:46
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Edité par bridg le 06-02-2005 21:26
Il est 21h30 et j'en suis au 4ème post identique que tu positionnes sur tous les forums. 1 suffit / Peux-tu ouvrir tes MP s'il te plaît. Merci
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Edité par serena le 08-02-2005 10:59
correction en vert.
Message de kichtoune posté le 06-02-2005 à 18:41:09 (S | E | F | I)
bonjour, voila donc les premiers paragraphes de ce conte que je dois écrire, je n'ai pas encore eu le temps de rédiger la suite mais pourriez-vous déjà corriger cette partie s'il vous plaît? merci beaucoup
Once upon a time, in a far-off country, a realm was devastated by a mysterious disease. Its King, loving with passion his wife the Queen, didn’t see the misery from which his fellows suffered
The disease had been propagated swiftly as far as the King’s residence. The servants, ones after the others, had been hit by this unknown hurt, without remedy. The Queen fell in
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Edité par emy64 le 06-02-2005 18:46
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Edité par bridg le 06-02-2005 21:26
Il est 21h30 et j'en suis au 4ème post identique que tu positionnes sur tous les forums. 1 suffit / Peux-tu ouvrir tes MP s'il te plaît. Merci-------------------
Edité par serena le 08-02-2005 10:59
correction en vert.
Réponse: de amy, postée le 06-02-2005 à 19:57:38 (S | E)
We also write a fairy story for school. But now it's a pitty because we are doing punctuations. I do not like punctuation. Do you ?
I THINK YOU DID PRETTY WELL IN YOUR STORY!
C' est très très bien !
I would end the story like "they lived in a bad way until a genius came to rescue evryone "!
Do you enjoy writing stories ?
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Edité par emy64 le 06-02-2005 20:14
Réponse: Once upon a time... de jardin62, postée le 06-02-2005 à 20:40:03 (S | E)
Désolée: j'avais repris votre texte mot à mot...mais j'ai fait une manoeuvre un peu trop rapide qui l'a éliminé. En réfléchissant, je me suis dit qu'après tout, ce que vous avez fait est du bon travail. Bien sûr il y aurait à corriger les temps, les tournures, à vérifier l'orthographe etc...mais comme c'est sûrement un travail donné en classe, il vaut mieux que votre professeur sache quel est le niveau exact de votre anglais et l'importance du travail déjà accompli. Jamais il/elle ne pourrait croire en un texte sans erreurs. De plus, ce que vous avez fait a des qualités et il peut servir de base à un vrai travail de correction personnel qui vous sera plus profitable. Ne croyez-vous pas? C'est ainsi que j'agirais avec mes élèves. Aviez-vous des consignes, assorties d'aides, de vocabulaire approprié?
Take courage!
Réponse: de ruofei, postée le 10-02-2005 à 12:10:56 (S | E)
hello!
(I changed the sentences all the way round, including the very beginning of your fairy tale, it seems to me that it makes more sense that way (hope you don’t mind). I enjoyed your story very much, although its ending is >
: what happened to the “happily ever after”???
)Once upon a time, in a far away kingdom, a Queen whose angel-like face and graceful figure were beyond imagination. Blind by his passionate love for his wife, the King did not pay much attention to the ravaging plague his fellow citizens died from. He would rather lived a worry-free time in a palace made from/with/out of gold and marble and spent his time on offering the Queen precious presents. (nothing was as beautiful as her angelical face and graceful figure). However, she did not care much about these dresses embroiled with rubies and sapphires nor these jewels sparkling with 1000 fires: she would prefer her husband to be busy with his king duties and to wage wars in order to conquer new territories.
The irremediable plague gradually and swiftly progressed towards the King’s palace, killing his servants one after the other. In her turn, the Queen became seriously ill: all over her body and her face, which both used to be splendid, were now to be found infectious wounds. Even though he sent for all the dentists and the scientists in the world, no one could cure the Queen’s illness.
…
INDISPENSABLES : 