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The intruder ...
Message de sarah87 posté le 19-05-2005 à 20:37:21 (S | E | F | I)
bonsoir !!
pourriez vous me dire ce qui ne va pas dans le début de ma rédaction s'il vous plaît ??
The intruder didn't give any signs of life. Pearl was shaking. She would have wanted that the sheriff might be near to her. She hesitated for a long time but in spite of her fear she decided to keep one's promise ant not to inform him. However, she was conscious that her life and children's were in jeopardize. She headed for the kitchen and drank a coffee so that she shouldn't fall asleep. Then, slowly, she came back in front of the cellar door, pulled out the chair and opened it. She was afraid, but now that the intruder would probably have heard her, she no longer could retreat.
merci d'avance
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Edité par bridg le 19-05-2005 20:44
titre
Message de sarah87 posté le 19-05-2005 à 20:37:21 (S | E | F | I)
bonsoir !!
pourriez vous me dire ce qui ne va pas dans le début de ma rédaction s'il vous plaît ??
The intruder didn't give any signs of life. Pearl was shaking. She would have wanted that the sheriff might be near to her. She hesitated for a long time but in spite of her fear she decided to keep one's promise ant not to inform him. However, she was conscious that her life and children's were in jeopardize. She headed for the kitchen and drank a coffee so that she shouldn't fall asleep. Then, slowly, she came back in front of the cellar door, pulled out the chair and opened it. She was afraid, but now that the intruder would probably have heard her, she no longer could retreat.
merci d'avance
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Edité par bridg le 19-05-2005 20:44
titre
Réponse: The intruder ... de jardin62, postée le 19-05-2005 à 21:04:32 (S | E)
Bonsoir.- She would have
- She decided to keep her promise =sa promesse (à elle => adjectif possessif pour un possesseur féminin/ le dictionnaire donne one's parce qu'il ne désigne aucun possesseur en particulier)
- and
- a cup of coffee
- Reprendre une phrase : 'Coffee would help her to stay awake/ not to fall asleep
- Confusion possible dans la phrase 'Then...opened it': on pourrait croire qu'elle a ouvert la chaise=> 'Slowly, she came back in front of the cellar and pulled out the chair. Then she opened the door.'
- Temps : 'Now that the intruder had probably heard her : past perfect à la place du conditionnel passé.
Bye'
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Edité par jardin62 le 19-05-2005 21:05
Réponse: The intruder ... de sarah87, postée le 19-05-2005 à 22:00:46 (S | E)
merci beaucoup de m'avoir aidé !! c'est gentil !!
Réponse: The intruder ... de jardin62, postée le 19-05-2005 à 22:05:24 (S | E)
Si les correstions sont comprises, c'est l'essentiel! Surtout le past perfect de la fin...Sinon, je voulais ajouter que le travail fait était de bonne qualité, une bonne base de correction.
Bon courage.
INDISPENSABLES : 