correction/lettre de motivation

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correction/lettre de motivation
Message de margot89 posté le 27-09-2005 à 20:27:32 (S | E | F | I)
Coucou a vous ! Voilà je suis à la recherche d'un emploi sur Sydney dans le domaine du management marketing, j'ai fait une lettre de motivation, je suis beaucoup plus à l'aise à l'oral qu'à l'écrit. Si quelqu'un peut voir mes fautes !!! Merci beaucoup

After one year in sydney with a working Holiday visa. I would like renew this experience with a sponsorship Visa from January 2006 (But i can be available before this date)

Your leader position at European and international level about capital markets in Euro and by products and financing structured will bring me a rewarding experience in the evolution of my professional life.

I hace excellente competence in relaion to the news technologies, a perfect command of the sofware tool (Word, Excel, Powerpoint, internet). I am good at synthesizing, quick and creative mind. I have taste for the shiftwork. I am dynamic and very motivated.

I've got a master og management and trade marketing. My principal work experiences target in the field of marketing, communication and sale. I've got a properly English, have a basic knowledge of German and Spanish language. The French is my mother language.

I am at your disposal for more informations.

I look forward to hearing from you

Best Regard.

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Edité par bridg le 27-09-2005 20:28
titre
Merci de ne pas poster sur plusieurs forums à la fois.

Réponse: correction/lettre de motivation de titou2005, postée le 28-09-2005 à 00:00:16 (S | E)
Dear Margot, please find a few comments. I wish you good luck!

After having spent one year in Sydney...

Your strong leadership at European and ... levels on the Euro capital markets and by-products and financing structured...
for the evolution of my career path.

I have excellent abilities regarding new technologies, I master the office software tools ( such as Word, Excel,... ). I have a quick learning and creative mind, and I am able to synthesize (to combine something ?)
I would enjoy being an all-rounder (polyvalent en français) employee in your company, as I am dynamic and greatly motivated.

As a diploma, I have earned a master specialised in .....
My main working experiences concern the fields of .....

French is my mother tongue.

I remain at your disposal for any further information.
....
Best regards

If I may, you should re-write your letter then have it corrected once more, it must perfect before you'll send it!

Réponse: correction/lettre de motivation de romanne, postée le 28-09-2005 à 08:47:31 (S | E)
Hello Margot,

Just a suggestion about the end of your letter.

I would say : Please let me know if there is any further information you require. / I will be happy to provide any further information you may need.

Thank you for considering my application/ Thank you for your time and consideration.
I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully / Yours sincerely ( if you know the name of the person who will read this cover letter )

But perhaps it is too formal in an Australian environment. I don't know...I'm sure you'll get help from native speakers on this website!

Réponse: correction/lettre de motivation de ourimba, postée le 28-09-2005 à 21:52:06 (S | E)
G’day Margot,

I’m from Sydney (but I live in the USA at the moment) I’m glad to see you enjoyed my home town. Here’s some corrections to your text.

Good luck.

After spending one year in Sydney on a Working Holiday Visa. I would like to add to this experience with a Sponsorship Visa commencing January 2006 (I am available prior to this date if that would be more convenient)

Your position as a leader in transactions of currency, derivatives, and financial structures in the European and Global capital markets will contribute greatly to my professional experience and the evolution of my career.

I have significant experience with computer technologies, and a high level of competence with office software such as: Word, Excel, Powerpoint, and using the Internet. I am good at problem solving, have a quick and creative mind, and I am comfortable with shift-work. I am a high energy and very motivated person.

I have a Masters degree in Management and Trade Marketing. My principal work experience is in the fields of marketing, communications and sales. I am a native French speaker, and I speak English fluently. I also have a basic knowledge of German and Spanish.

I am at your disposal should you require any additional information.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours Sincerely,

…...

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Edité par ourimba le 29-09-2005 23:22

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