Correction /projet

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Correction /projet
Message de tocha posté le 11-03-2018 à 20:52:29 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous,
j'ai réalisé le résumé d'un article de magazine. J'aimerais que mon travail soit relu par quelqu'un d'autre afin de m'assurer qu'il est correct.
Si vous avez des corrections à apporter je suis preneur.
Je vous remercie d'avance,

Voici mon résumé:
Since the beginning of the merchant navy, aquatic organisms cause a major problem for the ships hull.
Indeed, in the past, in order to avoid that problem, vessels were fitted with thin sheets of copper to the underwater hull. However, these sheets impacted the efficacy of the ships.
Known as the leader since over 100 years, Hempel is constantly investigating for modern coatings. They have recently created new fouling defence coatings able to minimize the consumption of 6%. Moreover, this coating is effective for more than seven years, without the need of re-application and led to minimize maintenance costs and optimize the trading flexibilities.
While Hempel Company is still searching for modern coatings more efficient, Andreas Glud, dry dock manager for the company, said that these efficiencies should not take priority over environmental objectives.
From Copper to coatings, the challenge for ship owners is to keep in mind that an efficient and well-maintained hull will led to a lower operating costs, not to mention the importance to develop modern coatings as efficient as clean for the environment.
I am totally in accordance with Andreas Glub, about the environmental concerns. Nowadays it is imperative to take initiatives for a green planet, in spite of the pressure exerted by firms for a better efficiency.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 11-03-2018 22:07

Réponse : Correction /projet de dsmith, postée le 11-03-2018 à 22:45:56 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Since the beginning of the merchant navy, aquatic organisms cause (you need a present perfect tense)a major problem for the ships hull (soit for ships' hulls ou for the hulls of ships).
Indeed, in the past, in order to avoid that problem, vessels were fitted with thin sheets of copper to the underwater hull. However, these sheets impacted the efficacy of the ships.
Known as the leader since (since a specific date or for xxx years) over 100 years, Hempel is constantly investigating ~~for~~ modern coatings. They have recently created new fouling defence coatings able to minimize the consumption of 6% (ça je ne comprends pas...consumption of what?). Moreover, this coating is effective for more than seven years, without the need of re-application and led (on peut pas avoir le passé ici avec le present déjà dans la phrase) to minimize (you need the adjective form) maintenance costs and optimize the trading flexibilities. (je ne comprends pas...optimizes what??)
While (il faut ajouter l'article definit) Hempel Company is still searching for modern coatings il faut le verbe etre ici - that xxx) more efficient, Andreas Glud, dry dock manager for the company, said that these efficiencies should not take priority over environmental objectives.
From Copper to coatings, the challenge for ship owners is to keep in mind that an efficient and well-maintained hull will led (you need the present tense here) to a lower operating costs (singulier), not to mention the importance to develop (importance of xxx-ing) modern coatings as efficient as (as they are) clean for the environment.
I am totally in accordance with Andreas Glub, about the environmental concerns. Nowadays it is imperative to take initiatives for a green planet, in spite of the pressure exerted by firms for a better efficiency.

Réponse : Correction /projet de tocha, postée le 12-03-2018 à 13:43:26 (S | E)
Bonjour Dsmith,
Je tiens à vous remercier pour la belle correction que vous m'avez apportée ! Vous avez relevé plusieurs erreurs (idiotes) et je n'avais pas fait attention...
En esperant que ce soit maintenant correct:

Since the beginning of the merchant navy, aquatic organisms have caused a major problem for the ships’ hulls.
Indeed, in the past, in order to avoid that problem, vessels were fitted with thin sheets of copper to the underwater hull. However, these sheets impacted the efficacy of the ships.
Known as the leader for over 100 years, Hempel is constantly investigating modern coatings. They have recently created new fouling defence coatings able to minimize the fuel consumption of 6%. Moreover, this coating is effective for more than seven years, without the need of re-application and leads to reduce maintenance costs and vessel’s uptime earnings are optimized.
While the Hempel Company is still searching for modern coatings in order to be more efficient, Andreas Glud, dry dock manager for the company, said that these efficiencies should not take priority over environmental objectives.
From Copper to coatings, the challenge for ship owners is to keep in mind that an efficient and well-maintained hull will lead to a lower operating cost, not to mention the importance of developing modern coatings as efficient as they are clean for the environment.
I am totally in accordance with Andreas Glud about the environmental concerns. Nowadays it is imperative to take initiatives for a green planet, in spite of the pressure exerted by firms for better efficiency.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 12-03-2018 13:57
Bug réparé

Réponse : Correction /projet de dsmith, postée le 12-03-2018 à 14:25:11 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Since the beginning of the merchant navy, aquatic organisms have caused a major problem for ~~the~~ ships’ hulls.
Indeed, in the past, in order to avoid that problem, vessels were fitted with thin sheets of copper to the underwater hull. However, these sheets impacted the efficacy of the ships.
Known as the leader for over 100 years, Hempel is constantly investigating modern coatings. They have recently created new fouling defence coatings able to minimize the fuel consumption of 6%. (reduce fuel consumption by 6%) Moreover, this coating is effective for more than seven years, without the need of re-application and leads to reduce (ajouter un "d" maintenance costs and vessel’s uptime earnings are optimized.
While the Hempel Company is still searching for modern coatings in order to be more efficient, Andreas Glud, dry dock manager for the company, said that these efficiencies should not take priority over environmental objectives.
From Copper to coatings, the challenge for ship owners is to keep in mind that an efficient and well-maintained hull will lead to a lower operating cost, not to mention the importance of developing modern coatings as efficient as they are clean for the environment.
I am totally in accordance with Andreas Glud about the environmental concerns. Nowadays it is imperative to take initiatives for a green planet, in spite of the pressure exerted by firms for better efficiency.

Very good!

Réponse : Correction /projet de tocha, postée le 12-03-2018 à 15:34:29 (S | E)
Bonjour,

"and leads to reduced maintenance costs and vessel’s uptime earnings are optimized."

Je ne comprend pas vraiment pourquoi cette forme ? "to reduced maintenance costs" ?

Réponse : Correction /projet de gerondif, postée le 12-03-2018 à 15:56:40 (S | E)
Bonjour
It leads to reduced maintenance costs.
To est une preposition suivie d'un nom modifié par un participe passé (réduits) utilisé comme adjectif.
It leads to reduced maintenance costs.
It leads to smaller maintenance costs.
It leads to lower maintenance costs.

Réponse : Correction /projet de dsmith, postée le 12-03-2018 à 15:59:10 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Tu utilises "reduce" comme adjectif pour modifier le nom "maintenance costs"

reduced maintenance costs.... les coûts réduits en français.

ça amène à des coûts de maintenance réduits et la rentabilité du bateau optimisée.

Peut être mieux:

...and leads to reduced maintenance costs and optimization of the vessel's uptime earnings.

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