New city/ correction

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New city/ correction
Message de mareee posté le 24-03-2018 à 12:21:55 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
J'aurais vraiment besoin de votre aide pour la correction du texte ci-dessous s'il vous plaît. J'explique pourquoi une ville appelée "Elemental City" est parfaite tout en parlant de ses avantages.
Merci d'avance.

So, we can conclude that this city would be perfect.
Why ?
First, it would be an ecological city so the citizens could maintain the environment and the conservation of the environment is good for the health ; indeed, we are beginning/ starting to be sick because of the pollution (asthma, diet cancers, decreased fertily etc…) ; consequently, citizens would be safer here than elsewhere.

- Then, this city would be located on the Mediteranean sea, so there would be a perfect weather during all the year : sun and beach in the program ; prepare ahead your towel, flip-flop and sunscreen !
Of course, the habitants wouldn’t be afraid of the sharks ; they are few sharks and they are not dangerous.

- Moreover, they would live in harmony with nature and one of the best advantage is that they can ride every animals (like dragons) without risk. Dragons are extremely rare so, the people would have a great opportunity to live there ; there is no doubt.

- Finally, each neighbourhood would match with the personaly of each citizen. Therefore, they could reside in a neighbourhood where all the people would have many points in common ; it would be easier to build friendships with some very interesting
people and live in a perfect serenity.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 24-03-2018 18:42

Réponse : New city/ correction de delf2312, postée le 24-03-2018 à 22:16:32 (S | E)
Bonjour Maree,

J'ai un peu de mal à comprendre certaines choses mais j'imagine qu'il me manque le contexte pour comprendre ce que viennent faire des dragons au milieu d'une ville écolo. ;)

So, we can conclude that this city would be perfect.
Why ?
First, it would be an ecological (eco-friendly me semble plus naturel) city so the citizens could maintain the environment and the conservation of the environment is good for the health [Je ne comprends pas bien cette phrase, problème de syntaxe ?); indeed, we are beginning/ starting to be sick because of the pollution (asthma, diet cancers, decreased fertily etc…) ; consequently, citizens would be safer here than elsewhere.

- Then, this city would be located on the Mediteranean sea, so there would be a perfect weather during all the year : sun and beach in the program ; prepare ahead your towel, flip-flops and sunscreen !
Of course, the inhabitants wouldn’t be afraid of the sharks ; they are few sharks and they are not dangerous.

- Moreover, they would live in harmony with nature and one of the best advantages is that they can ride every animals (like dragons) without risk. Dragons are extremely rare so, the people would have a great opportunity to live there ; there is no doubt.

- Finally, each neighbourhood would match with the personality of each citizen. Therefore, they could reside in a neighbourhood where all the people would have many points in common ; it would be easier to build friendships with some very interesting
people and live in a perfect serenity.

A part ces quelques erreurs, l'anglais est plutôt bon, il y a une bonne utilisation des connecteurs logiques et du comparatif par exemple.
Bonne continuation.

Réponse : New city/ correction de here4u, postée le 24-03-2018 à 23:10:43 (S | E)
Hello!

First, it would be an ecological city (eco-city : Lien internet
so the citizens could maintain the environment(, (and the conservation of the environment: répétition lourde) as it is good for the health ; indeed, we are beginning/ starting to be sick because of the pollution (asthma, diet cancers , decreased fertily etc…); consequently, citizens would be safer here than elsewhere.

- Then, this city would be located on the Mediteranean sea, so there would be a perfect weather during all the year : XXX sun and beach in the program ; prepare ahead your towel(ordre des mots), flip-flopS and sunscreen !
Of course, the XXhabitants wouldn’t be afraid of the sharks ; they are few sharks and they are not dangerous.

- Moreover, they would live in harmony with nature and one of the best advantageS is that they can ride every animals (like dragons) without risk. Dragons are extremely rare so, the people would have a great opportunity to live there ; there is no doubt.

- Finally, each neighbourhood would match with the personaly of each citizen(+ construction). Therefore, they could reside in a neighbourhood where all the people would have many points in common (mal dit); it would be easier to build friendships with some very interesting people and live in a perfect serenity.

Réponse : New city/ correction de dsmith, postée le 26-03-2018 à 16:46:56 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Ces deux autres personnes ont donné des bonnes idées. J'ajoute des choses.

So, we can conclude that this city would be perfect.
Why ?
First, it would be an ecological city so the citizens could maintain the environment and the conservation of the environment is good for the health (ça c'est une autre phrase. mettez un point enlevez "and" et commencez une nouvelle phrase.) ; indeed, we are beginning/ starting to be sick because of the pollution (asthma, diet ?? cancers, decreased fertily (faute d'orthographe) etc…) ; consequently, citizens would be safer here than elsewhere.

- Then, this city would be located on the Mediteranean sea, so there would be a (on peut avoir "a climate" mais pas "a weather") perfect weather during all the year : sun and beach in the program ; prepare ahead your towel, flip-flop (pluriel ajoutez un s) and sunscreen !
Of course, the habitants (faute d'orthographe) Lien internet
wouldn’t be afraid of the sharks ; they are (changez "they" Il y a ) few sharks and they are not dangerous.

- Moreover, they (vous venez de parler des requins...qui?? The people...) would live in harmony with nature and one of the best advantage (ajouter un s) is that they can ride every animals (comme en français on ne dit pas chaque animaux) (like dragons) without risk. Dragons are extremely rare so, the people would have a great opportunity to live there ; there is no doubt.

- Finally, each neighbourhood would match with the personaly (faute d'orthographe) of each citizen. Therefore, they could reside in a neighbourhood where all the people would have many points in common ; it would be easier to build friendships with some very interesting
people and live in a (comme en française on ne vit pas en UNE sérénité...on vit en sérénité) perfect serenity.

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