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Message de thomas1906 posté le 05-05-2018 à 00:08:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Dans le cadre du Bac, je dois présenter des synthèses de notion et voici l'une d'entre elles.
J'aimerais que l'un d'entre vous me montre mes erreurs afin de les comprendre et de les corriger. Je sais que cela va vous prendre un certain temps, c'est pourquoi je remercie sincèrement celui/celle qui effectuera cette tâche.
Voici mon texte :
The notion I'm going to deal with is places and forms of power. Power is the ability to control people and events, and to influence people and their behaviour. This helps to create social cohesion and peace. However it can also lead to conflicts and tensions. I would like to illustrate this notion of power through the topic of consumption and the consumer society. We can ask the following questions : does the consumer society influence people ? Can we live apart from this type of society and reject thin influence of power ?
First, we will see how we are influenced by the consumer society in our everyday life. Then, we will see if this consumer society is really always good for people. Finally, we will see that a certain numbre of people refuse this consumer society and try to find solutions.
In a first phase, I would like to emphasize that the consumer society is present in our everyday life, and good for people
First, the consumer society forges our identity we come to exist and to be, thanks to this form of society. It is an everyday influence.
In addition, thanks to the consumer society, we can buy what we want, what we need for example we can get helps from banks and shops. This form of power is also a question of happiness, of well-being. In fact we feel better thanks to her.
Besides, we have the impression with the consumer society to do bargain especially with the Black Friday and Cyber Monday : goods are less expensive. The consumer society seems to make our life better. Thus, it seems to influence us for the best. However, there are limitations.
Firstly, because of the consumer society a lot of people have debts and do mortgages who can not repay.
Moreover, people are victims of our consumer society. They become crazy and are uncontrolled because they always want shop. Some people are so merciless they are ready to kill to purchase something. But can we stop this negative influence ? Can we get rid of this dangerous power on us ?
First of all, some people oppose this power. They can be extreme. For instance " Buy nothing day" is a special day when people shouldn't consuming. It is at the same time that Black Friday.
Also, some people use con consumption for good purposes, the can influence the society in which they live and consume. They want their purchases to be purposeful : they want to help a charity, a cause of people in need.
Finally, these people develop alternative froms of power and change their living and consuming habits in our consumer society. For example they ate local food and organic food. They decided to walk and ride their bikes instead of driving their cars.
To conclude, we live in the consumer society, and therefore we are influenced by it. But we are not obliged to accept its excesses. At the same time,we are not obliged to be find extreme or extremist alternative solutions. Personally, I think, the consumer society is harmful for us. We spend a lot and take things we don't really need.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 05-05-2018 09:01
Message de thomas1906 posté le 05-05-2018 à 00:08:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Dans le cadre du Bac, je dois présenter des synthèses de notion et voici l'une d'entre elles.
J'aimerais que l'un d'entre vous me montre mes erreurs afin de les comprendre et de les corriger. Je sais que cela va vous prendre un certain temps, c'est pourquoi je remercie sincèrement celui/celle qui effectuera cette tâche.
Voici mon texte :
The notion I'm going to deal with is places and forms of power. Power is the ability to control people and events, and to influence people and their behaviour. This helps to create social cohesion and peace. However it can also lead to conflicts and tensions. I would like to illustrate this notion of power through the topic of consumption and the consumer society. We can ask the following questions : does the consumer society influence people ? Can we live apart from this type of society and reject thin influence of power ?
First, we will see how we are influenced by the consumer society in our everyday life. Then, we will see if this consumer society is really always good for people. Finally, we will see that a certain numbre of people refuse this consumer society and try to find solutions.
In a first phase, I would like to emphasize that the consumer society is present in our everyday life, and good for people
First, the consumer society forges our identity we come to exist and to be, thanks to this form of society. It is an everyday influence.
In addition, thanks to the consumer society, we can buy what we want, what we need for example we can get helps from banks and shops. This form of power is also a question of happiness, of well-being. In fact we feel better thanks to her.
Besides, we have the impression with the consumer society to do bargain especially with the Black Friday and Cyber Monday : goods are less expensive. The consumer society seems to make our life better. Thus, it seems to influence us for the best. However, there are limitations.
Firstly, because of the consumer society a lot of people have debts and do mortgages who can not repay.
Moreover, people are victims of our consumer society. They become crazy and are uncontrolled because they always want shop. Some people are so merciless they are ready to kill to purchase something. But can we stop this negative influence ? Can we get rid of this dangerous power on us ?
First of all, some people oppose this power. They can be extreme. For instance " Buy nothing day" is a special day when people shouldn't consuming. It is at the same time that Black Friday.
Also, some people use con consumption for good purposes, the can influence the society in which they live and consume. They want their purchases to be purposeful : they want to help a charity, a cause of people in need.
Finally, these people develop alternative froms of power and change their living and consuming habits in our consumer society. For example they ate local food and organic food. They decided to walk and ride their bikes instead of driving their cars.
To conclude, we live in the consumer society, and therefore we are influenced by it. But we are not obliged to accept its excesses. At the same time,we are not obliged to be find extreme or extremist alternative solutions. Personally, I think, the consumer society is harmful for us. We spend a lot and take things we don't really need.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 05-05-2018 09:01
Réponse : Notion/Places and forms of power de laure95, postée le 05-05-2018 à 14:33:56 (S | E)
Bonjour Thomas,
- Can we live apart from this type of society and reject thin (faute de frappe?)influence of power ?
- numbre (orthographe) of people refuse this consumer society and try to find (some)solutions.
- First, the consumer society forges our identity we come
to exist and to be- we can get helps (mettre au singulier) from banks and shops.
- This form of power is also a question of happiness, of well-being. In fact we feel better thanks to her (pas le bon pronom complément, tu ne parles pas d'une femme).
- However, there are limitations (to it).
- Firstly, because of the consumer society a lot of people have debts and do mortgages who (pas le bon relatif)can not repay.
- Moreover, people are victims of our (mettre the pas our)consumer society.
- they always want shop (mettre au gérondif).
- when people shouldn't consuming: shouldn't + infinitif.
- It is at the same time that Black Friday: mal dit.
- Also (pas à la bonne place), some people use con consumption for good purposes, the
can influence the society - they want to help a charity, a cause of people in need.(enlever car charity évoque la même idée)
- froms
of power and change their living and consuming habits in our consumer society.- For example they ate (pourquoi le passé?)local food and organic food. They decided (même remarque) to walk and ride their bikes instead of driving their cars.
- But we are not obliged to accept its excesses. At the same time,we are not obliged (chercher un synonyme)to be find (participe passé)extreme or extremist alternative solutions.
Bon travail mais tu ne fais référence à aucun document!
Réponse : Notion/Places and forms of power de thomas1906, postée le 05-05-2018 à 23:34:19 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Merci beaucoup pour votre correction, il y a des erreurs que je n'ai pas corrigé (voir bleu) car il s'agit de phrases de notre professeur. D'ailleurs en reste-t-il ?
Merci d'avance pour votre nouvelle correction.
The notion I'm going to deal with is places and forms of power. Power is the ability to control people and events, and to influence people and their behaviour. This helps to create social cohesion and peace. However it can also lead to conflicts and tensions. I would like to illustrate this notion of power through the topic of consumption and the consumer society. We can ask the following questions : does the consumer society influence people ? Can we live apart from this type of society and reject this influence of power ?
First, we will see how we are influenced by the consumer society in our everyday life. Then, we will see if this consumer society is really always good for people. Finally, we will see that a certain number of people refuse this consumer society and try to find solutions.
In a first phase, I would like to emphasize that the consumer society is present in our everyday life, and good for people
First, the consumer society forges our identity we come to exist and to be, thanks to this form of society. It is an everyday influence.
In addition, thanks to the consumer society, we can buy what we want, what we need for example we can get helps from banks and shops. This form of power is also a question of happiness, of well-being. In fact we feel better thanks to it.
Besides, we have the impression with the consumer society to do bargain especially with the Black Friday and Cyber Monday : goods are less expensive. The consumer society seems to make our life better. Thus, it seems to influence us for the best. However, there are limitations to it.
Firstly, because of the consumer society a lot of people have debts and do mortgages which can not repay.
Moreover, people are victims of the consumer society. They become crazy and are uncontrolled because they always want shopping. Some people are so merciless they are ready to kill to purchase something. But can we stop this negative influence ? Can we get rid of this dangerous power on us ?
First of all, some people oppose this power. They can be extreme. For instance " Buy nothing day" is a special day when people shouldn't consume. It's the same time as the Black Friday.
Some people use also con consumption for good purposes, they can influence the society in which they live and consume. This people want their purchases to be purposeful : they want to help a charity for example.
Finally, these people develop alternative forms of power and change their living and consuming habits in our consumer society. For example they eat local food and organic food. They decid to walk and ride their bikes instead of driving their cars.
To conclude, we live in the consumer society, and therefore we are influenced by it. But we are not obliged to accept its excesses. At the same time, we are not forced to be found extreme or extremist alternative solutions. Personally, I think, the consumer society is harmful for us. We spend a lot and take things we don't really need.
Réponse : Notion/Places and forms of power de laure95, postée le 06-05-2018 à 08:40:11 (S | E)
Bonjour Thomas,
- an everyday influence: an everyday's influence.
- In fact we feel better thanks to it.
- there are (some) limitations to it.
- Firstly, because of the consumer society a lot of people have debts and do mortgages which (they à la place de which) can not repay.
- they want shopping: they want to shop.
- It's (préposition)the same time as the Black Friday.
- This people: this + singulier.
- decid
- We spend a lot (of money)
Réponse : Notion/Places and forms of power de thomas1906, postée le 07-05-2018 à 21:08:46 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
J'ai corrigé le texte sauf une erreur que je ne comprends pas ... D'ailleurs en reste-il encore.
Merci d'avance pour votre correction très détaillée.
The notion I'm going to deal with is places and forms of power. Power is the ability to control people and events, and to influence people and their behaviour. This helps to create social cohesion and peace. However it can also lead to conflicts and tensions. I would like to illustrate this notion of power through the topic of consumption and the consumer society. We can ask the following questions : does the consumer society influence people ? Can we live apart from this type of society and reject this influence of power ?
First, we will see how we are influenced by the consumer society in our everyday life. Then, we will see if this consumer society is really always good for people. Finally, we will see that a certain number of people refuse this consumer society and try to find solutions.
In a first phase, I would like to emphasize that the consumer society is present in our everyday life, and good for people
First, the consumer society forges our identity we come to exist and to be, thanks to this form of society. It is an everyday's influence.
In addition, thanks to the consumer society, we can buy what we want, what we need for example we can get helps from banks and shops. This form of power is also a question of happiness, of well-being. In fact we feel better thanks to it.
Besides, we have the impression with the consumer society to do bargain especially with the Black Friday and Cyber Monday : goods are less expensive. The consumer society seems to make our life better. Thus, it seems to influence us for the best. However, there are some limitations to it.
Firstly, because of the consumer society a lot of people have debts and do mortgages they can not repay.
Moreover, people are victims of the consumer society. They become crazy and are uncontrolled because they always want to shop. Some people are so merciless they are ready to kill to purchase something. But can we stop this negative influence ? Can we get rid of this dangerous power on us ?
First of all, some people oppose this power. They can be extreme. For instance " Buy nothing day" is a special day when people shouldn't consume. Its the same time as the Black Friday.
Some people use also con consumption for good purposes, they can influence the society in which they live and consume. These people want their purchases to be purposeful : they want to help a charity for example.
Finally, these people develop alternative forms of power and change their living and consuming habits in our consumer society. For example they eat local food and organic food. They decide to walk and ride their bikes instead of driving their cars.
To conclude, we live in the consumer society, and therefore we are influenced by it. But we are not obliged to accept its excesses. At the same time, we are not forced to be found extreme or extremist alternative solutions. Personally, I think, the consumer society is harmful for us. We spend a lot of money and take things we don't really need.
Réponse : Notion/Places and forms of power de thomas1906, postée le 09-05-2018 à 23:21:29 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Quelqu'un pourrait-il continuer le travail de Laure. Je vois bien que vous êtes complètement submergé par les notions en cette période d'oral de langue vivante pour le bac.
Je remercie infiniment celui qui effectuera une nouvelle correction de la synthèse.
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