Correction/turn 21

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Correction/turn 21
Message de dalel09 posté le 13-09-2018 à 21:22:43 (S | E | F)
Hello!
I wrote this paragraph, could you please help me to correct it ?
Thanks in advance.
In the olden days, I thought I was physically and mentally 'mature' enough to quit the warm body in which I was raised, nourished, protected, loved and waited impatiently. Overnight I left the foetal life behind and I followed a path toward an other chapter in life. That was inevitable but wasn't in a decent circumstances nor as planned.
In my haste to see the day's light I was accidentally born at home depriving my mother from medical care. It was like the rain in sunny winter days, it came down pretty suddenly although it was expected.
Today I turn 21 and I still the same foetus that made rash decisions thoughtlessly of how much could that affect people around him.

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Edited by lucile83 on 13-09-2018 22:09

Réponse : Correction/turn 21 de lucile83, postée le 14-09-2018 à 14:16:36 (S | E)
Hello,
Erreurs en bleu.Propositions en vert.
In the olden days, I thought I was physically and mentally 'mature' enough to quit the warm body in which I was raised, nourished, protected, loved and waited impatiently. Overnight I left the foetal life behind and I followed a path towards an other chapter in life. That was inevitable but wasn't in a decent circumstances nor as planned.
In my haste to see the day's light I was accidentally born at home depriving my mother from medical care. It was like the rain in sunny winter days, it came down pretty suddenly although it was expected.
Today I turn 21 and I ** still the same foetus that made rash decisions thoughtlessly of how much could that affect people around him.

Réponse : Correction/turn 21 de dalel09, postée le 14-09-2018 à 15:26:12 (S | E)
Bonjour
Merci pour avoir signalé mes fautes.
In the olden days, I thought I was physically and mentally 'mature' enough to quit the warm body in which I was raised, nourished, protected, loved and waiting impatiently. Overnight I left the foetal life behind and I followed a path towards another chapter in life. That was inevitable but was not in decent circumstances nor as planned.
In my haste to see the daylight I was accidentally born at home depriving my mother from medical care. It was like the rain in sunny winter days, it came down pretty suddenly although it was expected.
Today I am turning 21 and I'm still the same foetus that made rash decisions thoughtlessly of how much could that affect people around him.

Réponse : Correction/turn 21 de lucile83, postée le 14-09-2018 à 15:53:01 (S | E)
Hello,
That's better.
In the olden days, I thought I was physically and mentally 'mature' enough to quit the warm body in which I was raised, nourished, protected, loved and waiting ...trouver un autre verbe impatiently. Overnight I left the foetal life behind and I followed a path towards another chapter in life. That was inevitable but was not in decent circumstances nor as planned. ..neither ...nor
In my haste to see the daylight I was accidentally born at home depriving my mother from medical care. It was like the rain in sunny winter days, it came down pretty suddenly although it was expected.
Today I am turning 21 and I'm still the same foetus that made rash decisions thoughtlessly of how much could that affect people around him.

Réponse : Correction/turn 21 de dalel09, postée le 14-09-2018 à 16:48:56 (S | E)
Hello
thank you.

In the olden days, I thought I was physically and mentally 'mature' enough to quit the warm body in which I was raised, nourished, protected, loved and waiting (Here I want to say that my mother was waiting impatiently to meet me. I haven't really any idea to express that) impatiently. Overnight I left the foetal life behind and I followed a path towards another chapter in life. That was inevitable but neither was in decent circumstances nor planned.
In my haste to see the daylight I was accidentally born at home depriving my mother from medical care. It was like the rain in sunny winter days, it came down pretty suddenly although it was expected.
Today I am turning 21 and I'm still the same foetus that made rash decisions thoughtlessly of how much could that affect people around him.

Réponse : Correction/turn 21 de lucile83, postée le 14-09-2018 à 22:36:16 (S | E)
Hello,
In the olden days, I thought I was physically and mentally 'mature' enough to quit the warm body in which I was raised, nourished, protected, loved and expected impatiently. Overnight I left the foetal life behind and I followed a path towards another chapter in life. That was inevitable but neither was in decent circumstances nor planned. but was neither in decent circumstances nor planned.
In my haste to see the daylight I was accidentally born at home depriving my mother from medical care. It was like the rain in sunny winter days, it came down pretty suddenly although it was expected.
Today I am turning 21 and I'm still the same foetus that made rash decisions thoughtlessly of how much could that affect people around him.

Good job
Women expect a baby; they don't wait for it.

Réponse : Correction/turn 21 de dalel09, postée le 15-09-2018 à 08:01:01 (S | E)
Thank you very much 😊.

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