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Message de marina79 posté le 08-10-2018 à 16:57:25 (S | E | F)
Hello!
J'ai fait cette traduction et j'aimerais savoir si elle comporte beaucoup de fautes au niveau syntaxique ou des tournures de phrases.
Merci d'avance
The concierge gave a little cough before knocking, and, while looking at the catalog of La Belle Jardiniere, which she held in her hand, said : "It's a letter for you, Monsieur Hire."
And she put her shawl over her chest. We moved behind the brown door. It was sometimes on the left, sometimes on the right, sometimes footsteps, sometimes a soft crumpling of fabric or a clash of earthenware, and the concierge's gray eyes seemed, through the panel, to follow the invisible noise on the track.
This noise finally came closer. The key was turning by somebody. A rectangle of light appeared, a tapestry with yellow flowers, the marble of a sink. A man held out his hand, but the concierge didn't see him, or saw him badly. In any case, he didn't take pay attention to it because his glance caught on another object: a towel soaked in blood, including red darkness sliced on the cold marble.
The door shutter was pushing it back slowly. A new time, the key was turning and the concierge went down the four floors, pausing from time to time to think.
She was thin. Her clothes hung around her like a stick of crosses that served as skeleton to the scarecrows and her nose was wet, her eyelids were red, her hands chapped by the cold. Beyond the glass door of the box, the little girl, dressed in a flannel suit, was standing in front of a chain that filled a basin of water.
Her brother, already dressed, had fun splashing and near them, the table was not served. There was a clear noise from the open door. The kid turned around. The girl showed a face wet with tears.
" Wait... "
A slap for the boy, which his mother pushed out.
"You, go to school. And you, if you cry again ... "
She shook the girl and put on her dress, pulling her arms like a puppet. Then she hid the bowl of soapy water in the cupboard, walked to the door, and retraced her steps. "Have you finished sniffing? " She thought. She hesitated.
His brow was narrowed, his little eyes were worried. She nodded a mechanical nod to the tenant of the second who passed in front of the box and suddenly, donning a second shawl, she rushed to the street after having half closed the key of the stove. It was freezing. On the road to Fontainebleau, which crosses Billejuif, the cars rolled slowly, causing ice, and the radiators exhaled steam.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 08-10-2018 22:06
Message de marina79 posté le 08-10-2018 à 16:57:25 (S | E | F)
Hello!
J'ai fait cette traduction et j'aimerais savoir si elle comporte beaucoup de fautes au niveau syntaxique ou des tournures de phrases.
Merci d'avance
The concierge gave a little cough before knocking, and, while looking at the catalog of La Belle Jardiniere, which she held in her hand, said : "It's a letter for you, Monsieur Hire."
And she put her shawl over her chest. We moved behind the brown door. It was sometimes on the left, sometimes on the right, sometimes footsteps, sometimes a soft crumpling of fabric or a clash of earthenware, and the concierge's gray eyes seemed, through the panel, to follow the invisible noise on the track.
This noise finally came closer. The key was turning by somebody. A rectangle of light appeared, a tapestry with yellow flowers, the marble of a sink. A man held out his hand, but the concierge didn't see him, or saw him badly. In any case, he didn't take pay attention to it because his glance caught on another object: a towel soaked in blood, including red darkness sliced on the cold marble.
The door shutter was pushing it back slowly. A new time, the key was turning and the concierge went down the four floors, pausing from time to time to think.
She was thin. Her clothes hung around her like a stick of crosses that served as skeleton to the scarecrows and her nose was wet, her eyelids were red, her hands chapped by the cold. Beyond the glass door of the box, the little girl, dressed in a flannel suit, was standing in front of a chain that filled a basin of water.
Her brother, already dressed, had fun splashing and near them, the table was not served. There was a clear noise from the open door. The kid turned around. The girl showed a face wet with tears.
" Wait... "
A slap for the boy, which his mother pushed out.
"You, go to school. And you, if you cry again ... "
She shook the girl and put on her dress, pulling her arms like a puppet. Then she hid the bowl of soapy water in the cupboard, walked to the door, and retraced her steps. "Have you finished sniffing? " She thought. She hesitated.
His brow was narrowed, his little eyes were worried. She nodded a mechanical nod to the tenant of the second who passed in front of the box and suddenly, donning a second shawl, she rushed to the street after having half closed the key of the stove. It was freezing. On the road to Fontainebleau, which crosses Billejuif, the cars rolled slowly, causing ice, and the radiators exhaled steam.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 08-10-2018 22:06
Réponse : Traduction/syntaxe de traviskidd, postée le 10-10-2018 à 02:55:05 (S | E)
Bonjour, voici quelques tournures à corriger/améliorer :
- key was turning
- saw him badly
- take pay attention
- red darkness
- A new time
- had fun splashing (was having?)
- cars rolled slowly, causing ice (because of?)
See you.
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