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Message de fireluffy posté le 22-02-2019 à 17:52:32 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
ma professeur d'anglais nous a demandé d'écrire une dystopie et je voudrais savoir si ce que j'ai fait est juste
d'avance
In 2199, after many crises caused by overpopulation and lack of energy, a "new Hitler" manifested, he took power and he conquered the world. As a result, he imposed many laws in a speech:
"the natural births are not allowed, they will now have to be artificial, you haven’t to do meetings of more than two people at risk of being considered for a protest, and finally, emotions must be banned like things that can stimulate them as music, art, and books".
All the cities of the world were monitored by machines. Furthermore, the person expressing emotions was immediately denounced or caught by machines and sent in a center of eradication of emotions and reinstated to the population. The population was leading a life monotonous. I am a student who goes every day to school under a gray sky, surrounded by students and teachers without emotions, and I had to try to hide them but one day a new student arrived and sat down next to me. He did not speak and was trying to take a course with a beaten look just like everyone else, then, two weeks later, I finally spoke to him:
"If I could be free, I'll be happy and I..." I say but he made me silence.
"You shouldn't talk about freedom, they're watching us" He whispered to me anxiously
It was the first time I saw someone do this. With time, we became friends but the dictatorship did not change and we try to hide our emotions.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 22-02-2019 23:37
Message de fireluffy posté le 22-02-2019 à 17:52:32 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, ma professeur d'anglais nous a demandé d'écrire une dystopie et je voudrais savoir si ce que j'ai fait est juste
d'avanceIn 2199, after many crises caused by overpopulation and lack of energy, a "new Hitler" manifested, he took power and he conquered the world. As a result, he imposed many laws in a speech:
"the natural births are not allowed, they will now have to be artificial, you haven’t to do meetings of more than two people at risk of being considered for a protest, and finally, emotions must be banned like things that can stimulate them as music, art, and books".
All the cities of the world were monitored by machines. Furthermore, the person expressing emotions was immediately denounced or caught by machines and sent in a center of eradication of emotions and reinstated to the population. The population was leading a life monotonous. I am a student who goes every day to school under a gray sky, surrounded by students and teachers without emotions, and I had to try to hide them but one day a new student arrived and sat down next to me. He did not speak and was trying to take a course with a beaten look just like everyone else, then, two weeks later, I finally spoke to him:
"If I could be free, I'll be happy and I..." I say but he made me silence.
"You shouldn't talk about freedom, they're watching us" He whispered to me anxiously
It was the first time I saw someone do this. With time, we became friends but the dictatorship did not change and we try to hide our emotions.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 22-02-2019 23:37
Réponse : A dystopian story/aide de fireluffy, postée le 23-02-2019 à 16:25:36 (S | E)
s'il vous plait
Réponse : A dystopian story/aide de laure95, postée le 23-02-2019 à 18:00:58 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
In 2199, after many crises caused by (article) overpopulation and (article)lack of energy,
- "the (pas de the) natural births are not allowed,
- you haven’t (négation mal construite)to do (on organise des réunion)meetings of more than two people
- a life monotonous: ordre des mots.
- "If I could be free, I'll (pas le bon temps, quand la subordonnée en if est faite au passé, la seconde partie de la phrase doit être au conditionnel) be happy and I..." I say (passé) but he made me silence (mal dit).
- It was the first time I saw someone do this: it was the first time doit être suivi du past perfect + remplacer this par that.
- we try to hide our emotions: passé.
Réponse : A dystopian story/aide de fireluffy, postée le 24-02-2019 à 22:07:15 (S | E)
D'accord j'en prends note,
beaucoup pour cette correction.Réponse : A dystopian story/aide de fireluffy, postée le 24-02-2019 à 22:26:28 (S | E)
voila la correction :
In 2199, after many crises caused by an overpopulation and a lack of energy, a "new Hitler" manifested, he took power and he conquered the world. As a result, he imposed many laws in a speech: natural births are not allowed, they will now have to be artificial, you don’t have to organize meetings of more than two people at risk of being considered for a protest, and finally, emotions must be banned like things that can stimulate them as music, art, and books.
All the cities of the world were monitored by machines. Furthermore, the person expressing emotions was immediately denounced or caught by machines and sent in a center of eradication of emotions and reinstated to the population. The population was leading a monotonous life. I am a student who goes every day to school under a gray sky, surrounded by students and teachers without emotions, and I had to try to hide them but one day a new student arrived and sat down next to me. He did not speak and was trying to take a course with a beaten look just like everyone else, then, two weeks later, I finally spoke to him:
"If I could be free, I would be happy and I..." I said but he silenced me.
"You shouldn't talk about freedom, they're watching us" He whispered to me anxiously
It was the first time I had seen someone do that. With time, we became friends but the dictatorship did not change and we tried to hide our emotions.
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