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Message de moona posté le 14-05-2019 à 16:26:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous !
Voilà le script d'une de mes notions pour l'oral du Bac en anglais (LV1). Serait-il possible de m'indiquer les erreurs que j'ai commises afin que je puisse corriger et m'améliorer ?
Merci d'avance pour toutes vos propositions.
The notion I’m going to deal with is “Myths and heroes”. To begin with, I’d just like to give a short definition of these two words. A myth is a popular and very famous story which belongs and sometimes forms our culture. Each country has its particular myths in which fictive or real heroes are evolving. These characters have particular qualities, they usually did extraordinary things to save people, countries or to bring ideals. They are considered as examples for everyone. Our definition of a hero can be very different from others, each one has his particular kind of hero which rest on many things. That’s why we can ask this question: Do heroes only extraordinary things? To answer this question we will see some categories of heroes such as scientists and civilians, normal people.
There are many kind of heroes, they can be fictive or real but I chose today only to speak about real people. And we will see first if scientists can be considered as heroes. I took first the example of Neil Armstrong who went to the Moon in 1969. In class we saw a photograph of him next to his spacecraft, saluting maybe the Earth. He was the first man to execute this travel and I consider this as an extraordinary thing. That may be why he is considered as a hero for many. He accomplished this particular mission that just a few did after him. But other scientists became heroes and they didn’t need to go to the Moon. They just invented medicines to treat and save people. To illustrate this idea I chose the example of Louis Pasteur. This French biologist was and is renowned for his discoveries of the principles of vaccination which have saved many lives ever since. He created for example the first vaccines for rabies. That shows that scientists don’t really need to do feats, by their discoveries they are able to save people’s lives and to become heroes.
When I was thinking about another class of hero, I discovered someone named Irena Sendler. She saved 2,500 children from the Great Action during the Second World War. She was just a civilian who act because she had values and she can’t support racism. What really astonished me was what she said many years after: “Heroes do extraordinary things. What I did was not an extraordinary thing. It was normal.” She was not considering her as a heroin, she remained humble. And that is one big quality, something that characterized every civilians who just did what their heart ordered and who are now considered as heroes. There are an infinity of examples but I chose to speak about Rosa Parks. This black American woman (Y a-t-il un ordre précis pour ces adjectifs ?) who refused to give her sit to a white man. This act was one first step towards Independence. In class we studied a picture very relevant. It represents a mural painting by a street artist, Mr. Brainwash. On this wall we could see the portrait of Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King and Barack Obama with this inscription: “Rosa Parks sat, so that Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so that Barack Obama could run. Barack Obama ran, so we could fly”. Because Rosa Parks acted first, she allowed others to act and to get the Independence.
To conclude, we’ve seen that people don’t need to achieve extraordinary things to become heroes. Scientists did their work, discovered medicines, treated and saved millions of lives. Civilians acted for their ideas, to fight against racism and they get results. Many improvements in our countries are due to these people who were courageous and did sometimes small but symbolic things. Many died to give a better life to others and we must thank them.
Voilà, j'espère que c'est assez compréhensible et surtout pas trop répétitif
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Modifié par lucile83 le 14-05-2019 16:53
Message de moona posté le 14-05-2019 à 16:26:21 (S | E | F)
Bonjour à tous !
Voilà le script d'une de mes notions pour l'oral du Bac en anglais (LV1). Serait-il possible de m'indiquer les erreurs que j'ai commises afin que je puisse corriger et m'améliorer ?
Merci d'avance pour toutes vos propositions.
The notion I’m going to deal with is “Myths and heroes”. To begin with, I’d just like to give a short definition of these two words. A myth is a popular and very famous story which belongs and sometimes forms our culture. Each country has its particular myths in which fictive or real heroes are evolving. These characters have particular qualities, they usually did extraordinary things to save people, countries or to bring ideals. They are considered as examples for everyone. Our definition of a hero can be very different from others, each one has his particular kind of hero which rest on many things. That’s why we can ask this question: Do heroes only extraordinary things? To answer this question we will see some categories of heroes such as scientists and civilians, normal people.
There are many kind of heroes, they can be fictive or real but I chose today only to speak about real people. And we will see first if scientists can be considered as heroes. I took first the example of Neil Armstrong who went to the Moon in 1969. In class we saw a photograph of him next to his spacecraft, saluting maybe the Earth. He was the first man to execute this travel and I consider this as an extraordinary thing. That may be why he is considered as a hero for many. He accomplished this particular mission that just a few did after him. But other scientists became heroes and they didn’t need to go to the Moon. They just invented medicines to treat and save people. To illustrate this idea I chose the example of Louis Pasteur. This French biologist was and is renowned for his discoveries of the principles of vaccination which have saved many lives ever since. He created for example the first vaccines for rabies. That shows that scientists don’t really need to do feats, by their discoveries they are able to save people’s lives and to become heroes.
When I was thinking about another class of hero, I discovered someone named Irena Sendler. She saved 2,500 children from the Great Action during the Second World War. She was just a civilian who act because she had values and she can’t support racism. What really astonished me was what she said many years after: “Heroes do extraordinary things. What I did was not an extraordinary thing. It was normal.” She was not considering her as a heroin, she remained humble. And that is one big quality, something that characterized every civilians who just did what their heart ordered and who are now considered as heroes. There are an infinity of examples but I chose to speak about Rosa Parks. This black American woman (Y a-t-il un ordre précis pour ces adjectifs ?) who refused to give her sit to a white man. This act was one first step towards Independence. In class we studied a picture very relevant. It represents a mural painting by a street artist, Mr. Brainwash. On this wall we could see the portrait of Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King and Barack Obama with this inscription: “Rosa Parks sat, so that Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so that Barack Obama could run. Barack Obama ran, so we could fly”. Because Rosa Parks acted first, she allowed others to act and to get the Independence.
To conclude, we’ve seen that people don’t need to achieve extraordinary things to become heroes. Scientists did their work, discovered medicines, treated and saved millions of lives. Civilians acted for their ideas, to fight against racism and they get results. Many improvements in our countries are due to these people who were courageous and did sometimes small but symbolic things. Many died to give a better life to others and we must thank them.
Voilà, j'espère que c'est assez compréhensible et surtout pas trop répétitif
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 14-05-2019 16:53
Réponse : Myths and heroes/aide de laure95, postée le 14-05-2019 à 16:53:52 (S | E)
Bonjour moona,
- Our definition of a hero can be very different from others, each one has his particular kind of hero which rest on many things: cette phrase n'est pas nécessaire.
- Do heroes only extraordinary things?: il manque le verbe!
- (mettre un mot de liaison comme FIRST ou TO BEGIN WITH, TO START WITH, au choix)There are many kind of heroes,
- And (enlever and)we will see first if scientists can be considered as heroes.
- I took first (répétition: tu peux mettre une formule comme I can take) the example of Neil Armstrong
- He was the first man to execute (pas le meilleur mot ici)this travel
- That may be why he is considered as a hero for many (people).
- He accomplished this (that pas this) particular mission that (enlever ce that) just a few did after him.
- This (that pas this)French biologist was
- (mot de liaison, comme THEN ou IN ADDITION,...) When I was thinking about another class of hero,
- She was just a civilian who act (passé)because she had values
- and she can’t (passé)support racism.
- She was not considering her(self) as a heroin,
- every civilians: every + singulier
- who just did what their heart ordered (them to do)
- There are an infinity of examples: there are + pluriel.
- but I (also) chose to speak about Rosa Parks.
- her sit (orthographe)to a white man.
- a picture very relevant: ordre des mots.
- On this wall we could (can pas could)see the portrait of Rosa Parks,
- to get the Independence: à préciser
- Scientists did their work!à enlever.
- they get (passé) results.
Réponse : Myths and heroes/aide de moona, postée le 14-05-2019 à 17:51:58 (S | E)
Je corrige tout de suite (en vert), merci laure ! En plus je viens de me rendre compte que je parle d'indépendance mais cela ne correspond absolument pas à la même époque !
The notion I’m going to deal with is “Myths and heroes”. To begin with, I’d just like to give a short definition of these two words. A myth is a popular and very famous story which belongs and sometimes forms our culture. Each country has its particular myths in which fictive or real heroes are evolving. These characters have particular qualities, they usually did extraordinary things to save people, countries or to bring ideals. They are considered as examples for everyone. That’s why we can ask this question: Do heroes only achieve extraordinary things? To answer this question we will see some categories of heroes such as scientists and civilians, normal people.
First, There are many kind of heroes, they can be fictive or real but I chose today only to speak about real people. We will see first if scientists can be considered as heroes. I can take the example of Neil Armstrong who went to the Moon in 1969. In class we saw a photograph of him next to his spacecraft, saluting maybe the Earth. He was the first man to achieve this travel and I consider this as an extraordinary thing. That may be why he is considered as a hero for many people. He accomplished that particular mission just a few did after him. But other scientists became heroes and they didn’t need to go to the Moon. They just invented medicines to treat and save people. To illustrate this idea I chose the example of Louis Pasteur. That (cela fait deux fois que je me trompe entre this et that mais je ne comprends pas pourquoi il vaudrait mieux utiliser l'un que l'autre dans ces phrases) French biologist was and is renowned for his discoveries of the principles of vaccination which have saved many lives ever since. He created for example the first vaccines for rabies. That shows that scientists don’t really need to do feats, by their discoveries they are able to save people’s lives and to become heroes.
In addition, when I was thinking about another class of hero, I discovered someone named Irena Sendler. She saved 2,500 children from the Great Action during the Second World War. She was just a civilian who acted because she had values and she couldn’t support racism. What really astonished me was what she said many years after: “Heroes do extraordinary things. What I did was not an extraordinary thing. It was normal.” She was not considering herself as a heroin, she remained humble. And that is one big quality, something that characterized every civilian who just did what their heart ordered them to do and who are now considered as heroes. There are infinities of examples but I also chose to speak about Rosa Parks. This black American woman (Y a-t-il un ordre précis pour ces adjectifs ?) who refused to give her seat to a white man. This act was one first step towards laws and equality for African American. In class we studied a very relevant picture. It represents a mural painting by a street artist, Mr. Brainwash. On this wall we see the portrait of Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King and Barack Obama with this inscription: “Rosa Parks sat, so that Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so that Barack Obama could run. Barack Obama ran, so we could fly”. Because Rosa Parks acted first, she allowed others to act and to get equality between white and black people.
To conclude, we’ve seen that people don’t need to achieve extraordinary things to become heroes. Scientists discovered medicines, treated and saved millions of lives. Civilians acted for their ideas, to fight against racism and they got results. Many improvements in our countries are due to these people who were courageous and did sometimes small but symbolic things. Many died to give a better life to others and we must thank them.
Voilà, merci beaucoup !
Réponse : Myths and heroes/aide de laure95, postée le 15-05-2019 à 10:05:40 (S | E)
Bonjour moona,
- such as scientists and civilians, (that is to say)normal people.
We will see (in a) first (part) if scientists can be considered as heroes.
- That (cela fait deux fois que je me trompe entre this et that mais je ne comprends pas pourquoi il vaudrait mieux utiliser l'un que l'autre dans ces phrases):dans une phrase passé, THIS doit être remplacé par THAT.
- This act was one (the pas one ici)first step towards laws and equality for African American.
- On this wall we (can)see the portrait of Rosa Parks,
Réponse : Myths and heroes/aide de moona, postée le 15-05-2019 à 13:33:47 (S | E)
Je corrige tout de suite, merci beaucoup pour l'explication !
The notion I’m going to deal with is “Myths and heroes”. To begin with, I’d just like to give a short definition of these two words. A myth is a popular and very famous story which belongs and sometimes forms our culture. Each country has its particular myths in which fictive or real heroes are evolving. These characters have particular qualities, they usually did extraordinary things to save people, countries or to bring ideals. They are considered as examples for everyone. That’s why we can ask this question: Do heroes only achieve extraordinary things? To answer this question we will see some categories of heroes such as scientists and civilians, that is to say normal people.
First, There are many kind of heroes, they can be fictive or real but I chose today only to speak about real people. We will in a see first part if scientists can be considered as heroes. I can take the example of Neil Armstrong who went to the Moon in 1969. In class we saw a photograph of him next to his spacecraft, saluting maybe the Earth. He was the first man to achieve this travel and I consider this as an extraordinary thing. That may be why he is considered as a hero for many people. He accomplished that particular mission just a few did after him. But other scientists became heroes and they didn’t need to go to the Moon. They just invented medicines to treat and save people. To illustrate this idea I chose the example of Louis Pasteur. That French biologist was and is renowned for his discoveries of the principles of vaccination which have saved many lives ever since. He created for example the first vaccines for rabies. That shows that scientists don’t really need to do feats, by their discoveries they are able to save people’s lives and to become heroes.
In addition, when I was thinking about another class of hero, I discovered someone named Irena Sendler. She saved 2,500 children from the Great Action during the Second World War. She was just a civilian who acted because she had values and she couldn’t support racism. What really astonished me was what she said many years after: “Heroes do extraordinary things. What I did was not an extraordinary thing. It was normal.” She was not considering herself as a heroin, she remained humble. And that is one big quality, something that characterized every civilian who just did what their heart ordered them to do and who are now considered as heroes. There are infinities of examples but I also chose to speak about Rosa Parks. This black American woman who refused to give her seat to a white man. This act was the first step towards laws and equality for African American. In class we studied a very relevant picture. It represents a mural painting by a street artist, Mr. Brainwash. On this wall we can see the portrait of Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King and Barack Obama with this inscription: “Rosa Parks sat, so that Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so that Barack Obama could run. Barack Obama ran, so we could fly”. Because Rosa Parks acted first, she allowed others to act and to get equality between white and black people.
To conclude, we’ve seen that people don’t need to achieve extraordinary things to become heroes. Scientists discovered medicines, treated and saved millions of lives. Civilians acted for their ideas, to fight against racism and they got results. Many improvements in our countries are due to these people who were courageous and did sometimes small but symbolic things. Many died to give a better life to others and we must thank them.
Voilà, merci beaucoup laure
Réponse : Myths and heroes/aide de angel7, postée le 17-05-2019 à 17:41:29 (S | E)
Bonjour,
juste une contribution.
-Each country has its particular myths in which fictive or real heroes are evolving - the present tense seems better for general truths.
-but I chose today only to speak about real people - you can't use past tense with today I think.
-We will in a see first part if scientists can be considered as heroes - after the verb
-Many (noun, heroes for example) died to give a better life to others and we must thank them.
-You can also use "to cure" which is more significant instead of "to treat" .
Voici un lien pour this and that.
Celui-ci concerne l'ordre des adjectifs .
J'espère avoir aidé.
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Modifié par angel7 le 17-05-2019 18:03
un petit problème avec les liens. désolé.
Réponse : Myths and heroes/aide de moona, postée le 17-05-2019 à 18:13:21 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup angel, je corrige tout de suite :
The notion I’m going to deal with is “Myths and heroes”. To begin with, I’d just like to give a short definition of these two words. A myth is a popular and very famous story which belongs and sometimes forms our culture. Each country has its particular myths in which fictive or real heroes evolve. These characters have particular qualities, they usually did extraordinary things to save people, countries or to bring ideals. They are considered as examples for everyone. That’s why we can ask this question: Do heroes only achieve extraordinary things? To answer this question we will see some categories of heroes such as scientists and civilians, that is to say normal people.
First, There are many kind of heroes, they can be fictive or real but I choose today only to speak about real people. We will see in a first part if scientists can be considered as heroes. I can take the example of Neil Armstrong who went to the Moon in 1969. In class we saw a photograph of him next to his spacecraft, saluting maybe the Earth. He was the first man to achieve this travel and I consider this as an extraordinary thing. That may be why he is considered as a hero for many people. He accomplished that particular mission just a few did after him. But other scientists became heroes and they didn’t need to go to the Moon. They just invented medicines to treat and save people. To illustrate this idea I chose the example of Louis Pasteur. That French biologist was and is renowned for his discoveries of the principles of vaccination which have saved many lives ever since. He created for example the first vaccines for rabies. That shows that scientists don’t really need to do feats, by their discoveries they are able to save people’s lives and to become heroes.
In addition, when I was thinking about another class of hero, I discovered someone named Irena Sendler. She saved 2,500 children from the Great Action during the Second World War. She was just a civilian who acted because she had values and she couldn’t support racism. What really astonished me was what she said many years after: “Heroes do extraordinary things. What I did was not an extraordinary thing. It was normal.” She was not considering herself as a heroin, she remained humble. And that is one big quality, something that characterized every civilian who just did what their heart ordered them to do and who are now considered as heroes. There are infinities of examples but I also chose to speak about Rosa Parks. This black American woman who refused to give her seat to a white man. This act was the first step towards laws and equality for African American. In class we studied a very relevant picture. It represents a mural painting by a street artist, Mr. Brainwash. On this wall we can see the portrait of Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King and Barack Obama with this inscription: “Rosa Parks sat, so that Martin Luther King could walk, Martin Luther King walked so that Barack Obama could run. Barack Obama ran, so we could fly”. Because Rosa Parks acted first, she allowed others to act and to get equality between white and black people.
To conclude, we’ve seen that people don’t need to achieve extraordinary things to become heroes. Scientists discovered medicines, cured and saved millions of lives. Civilians acted for their ideas, to fight against racism and they got results. Many improvements in our countries are due to these people who were courageous and did sometimes small but symbolic things. Many heroes died to give a better life to others and we must thank them.
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