Expression écrite/correction

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Expression écrite/correction
Message de fannyb posté le 09-06-2019 à 23:25:00 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
je dois créer un dialogue entre une personne qui est harcelée à l’école et une autre personne qui lui donnerait des conseils.
Merci de m’informer si vous remarquez des erreurs .
Le personnage A est Brian (celui qui donne des conseils) et le personnage B est Lucie ( celle qui est harcelée).

A- Hey Lucie how are you ?
B- Hey Brian... oh, I feel so so...
A- Why ? Tell me what’s your problem ?
B- It’s at school...
A- What happened at school ?
B- Well, the girls ridicule me at school, they talk me names, they hit me, they get my lunch pack, I can’t stop crying !
A- How long they do that ?
B- Two months.
A- Two months ! Lucie, why you didn’t tell me that before ?
B -Because they threatened me, I shouldn’t say anything.
A- Oh it’s very serious ! You don’t accept that, or you will regret it later !
B- Yes, you agree, but what can I do ?
A- As far as I’m concerned, you’d better not keep silent because you must never let it go. I think too that you must talk to a headmaster ! Denounce the bullies ! Tell it to the police, they represent justice.
B - Yes, Yes ! You agree, you have opened my eyes. I can’t go on this way anymore! I will react, I will report them !
A - That’s it, hang in there and dénonce those bullies.
B - Thank you Brian, you have comforted me.
A - Oh you’re welcome, take care of yourself, bye !
B- Bye .

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Modifié par lucile83 le 09-06-2019 23:33

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de gerondif, postée le 10-06-2019 à 00:08:00 (S | E)
Bonsoir
erreurs en bleu
A- Hey Lucie how are you ?
B- Hey Brian... oh, I feel so so...
A- Why ? Tell me what’s your problem ? soit What's your problem ? au style direct, soit tell me what your problem is au style indirect.
B- It’s at school...
A- What happened at school ?
B- Well, the girls ridicule me at school, they talk(verbe appeler) me names, they hit me, they get my lunch pack, I can’t stop crying !
A- How long they do that(présent perfect en ing enforme interrogative avec inversion donc auxiliaire sujet verbe) ?
B- For Two months.(for au sens de depuis)
A- Two months ! Lucie, why you didn’t tell me that before ? (inversion en forme interrogative)
B -Because they threatened me, (ici, rajoutez elles m'ont dit que)I shouldn’t say anything.
A- Oh it’s very serious ! You don’t(mettez plutôt un auxiliaire devoir en forme négative) accept that, or you will regret it later !
B- Yes, you(JE suis d'accord, erreur de sujet) agree, but what can I do ?
A- As far as I’m concerned, you’d better not keep silent because you must never let it go. I think too that you must talk to a(pourquoi un principal, plutôt le principal) headmaster ! Denounce the bullies ! Tell it to the police, they represent justice.
B - Yes, Yes ! You agree,(vous devez confondre je suis d'accord avec you are right, tu as raison) you have opened my eyes. I can’t go on this way anymore! I will react, I will report them !
A - That’s it, hang in there and dénonce those bullies.
B - Thank you Brian, you have comforted me.
A - Oh you’re welcome, take care of yourself, bye !
B- Bye .

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de fannyb, postée le 10-06-2019 à 21:04:51 (S | E)
Bonsoir

A- Hey Lucie how are you ?
B- Hey Brian... oh, I feel so so...
A- Why ? Tell me what your problem is ?
B- It’s at school...
A- What happened at school ?
B- Well, the girls ridicule me at school, they call me names, they hit me, they get my lunch pack, I can’t stop crying !
A- How long do they doing that ?
B- For two months.
A- Two months ! Lucie, why didn’t you tell me that before ?
B -Because they threatened me, they told me that I shouldn’t say anything.
A- Oh it’s very serious ! You should’nt accept that, or you will regret it later !
B- Yes, I agree, but what can I do ?
A- As far as I’m concerned, you’d better not keep silent because you must never let it go. I think too that you must talk to the headmaster ! Denounce the bullies ! Tell it to the police, they represent justice.
B - Yes, Yes ! You are right, you have opened my eyes. I can’t go on this way anymore! I will react, I will report them !
A - That’s it, hang in there and denonce those bullies.
B - Thank you Brian, you have comforted me.
A - Oh you’re welcome, take care of yourself, bye !
B- Bye .

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de fannyb, postée le 11-06-2019 à 18:37:35 (S | E)
Ai-je bien corrigé ?

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de here4u, postée le 12-06-2019 à 10:18:30 (S | E)
Hello!

Vos corrections doivent être en vert ! Le Bleu indique des fautes !

A- Hey Lucie how are you ?
B- Hey Brian... oh, I feel so so...
A- Why ? Tell me what your problem is ?(pas de point d'interrogation avec une interrogative indirecte !)
B- It’s at school...
A- What happened at school ?
B- Well, the girls ridicule me at school, they call me names, they hit me, they get my lunch pack, I can’t stop crying !
A- How long do they doing that ?(un present perfect = auxiliaire "have"+ been doing)
B- For two months.
A- Two months ! Lucie, why didn’t you tell me that before ?
B -Because they threatened me, they told me that I shouldn’t say anything.
A- Oh it’s very serious ! You should’nt accept that, or you will regret it later !(should donne un conseil. gerondif aurait voulu un "devoir" !)
B- Yes, I agree, but what can I do ?
A- As far as I’m concerned, you’d better not keep silent because you must never let it go. I think too that you must talk to the headmaster ! Denounce the bullies ! Tell it to the police, they represent justice.
B - Yes, Yes ! You are right, you have opened my eyes. I can’t go on this way anymore! I will react, I will report them !
A - That’s it, hang in there and denonce those bullies. Lien internet

B - Thank you Brian, you have comforted me.
A - Oh you’re welcome, take care of yourself, bye!
B- Bye .

Tellement agréable d'avoir des "retours de corrections" !

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de fannyb, postée le 12-06-2019 à 21:57:34 (S | E)
Bonjour

A- Hey Lucie how are you ?
B- Hey Brian... oh, I feel so so...
A- Why ? Tell me what your problem is.
B- It’s at school...
A- What happened at school ?
B- Well, the girls ridicule me at school, they call me names, they hit me, they get my lunch pack, I can’t stop crying !
A- How long do they have been doing that ?
B- For two months.
A- Two months ! Lucie, why didn’t you tell me that before ?
B -Because they threatened me, they told me that I shouldn’t say anything.
A- Oh it’s very serious ! You mustn’t accept that, or you will regret it later !
B- Yes, I agree, but what can I do ?
A- As far as I’m concerned, you’d better not keep silent because you must never let it go. I think too that you must talk to the headmaster ! Denounce the bullies ! Tell it to the police, they represent justice.
B - Yes, Yes ! You are right, you have opened my eyes. I can’t go on this way anymore! I will react, I will report them !
A - That’s it, hang in there and denounce those bullies.

B - Thank you Brian, you have comforted me.
A - Oh you’re welcome, take care of yourself, bye!
B- Bye .

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de here4u, postée le 13-06-2019 à 06:27:06 (S | E)
Hello, Fanny!

Dans la phrase :
A- How long do they have been doing that ? vous construisez votre verbe « do » avec deux auxiliaires : « do » et « have » ... Il n’en faut qu’un ... celui du present perfect en ing à la forme interrogative.

He’s been bullying me for 6 months => How long has he been bullying me ? C’est tout ! ...et c’est facile ! Changez le verbe et la personne ...
À vous ! ( Bien pour les autres corrections ... Encore quelques petites maladresses qui « passent » !)

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de fannyb, postée le 13-06-2019 à 19:56:30 (S | E)
Bonjour

A- Hey Lucie how are you ?
B- Hey Brian... oh, I feel so so...
A- Why ? Tell me what your problem is.
B- It’s at school...
A- What happened at school ?
B- Well, the girls ridicule me at school, they call me names, they hit me, they get my lunch pack, I can’t stop crying !
A- How long have they been doing that ?
B- For two months.
A- Two months ! Lucie, why didn’t you tell me that before ?
B -Because they threatened me, they told me that I shouldn’t say anything.
A- Oh it’s very serious ! You mustn’t accept that, or you will regret it later !
B- Yes, I agree, but what can I do ?
A- As far as I’m concerned, you’d better not keep silent because you must never let it go. I think too that you must talk to the headmaster ! Denounce the bullies ! Tell it to the police, they represent justice.
B - Yes, Yes ! You are right, you have opened my eyes. I can’t go on this way anymore! I will react, I will report them !
A - That’s it, hang in there and denounce those bullies.
B - Thank you Brian, you have comforted me.
A - Oh you’re welcome, take care of yourself, bye!
B- Bye .

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de here4u, postée le 13-06-2019 à 20:30:05 (S | E)

Réponse : Expression écrite/correction de fannyb, postée le 14-06-2019 à 16:23:32 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup pour votre aide

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