Correction/monastery

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Correction/monastery
Message de sandrinel posté le 02-01-2020 à 12:01:05 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois rédiger quelques textes en anglais (projet pour mes études, je dois simuler la promotion des sites français en anglais) mais je ne connais pas grand monde capable de relire mes textes.
J'ai vraiment besoin d'un coup de main pour corriger mes fautes (et éventuellement de me les expliquer afin de ne plus les refaire).
Je me suis donc dirigée sur ce forum afin de trouver de l'aide.
Je poste la première partie de mon écrit dans l'espoir que quelqu'un le lise😀
Merci d'avance;bonne journée

“Carmel du Reposoir”
A little about the Monastery history….
The History of the Monastery starts when John of Spain founded the Chartreuse of the Reposoir in 1151. Then, the Carthusians had cleared the land and prayed on this mountain for seven centuries until their first expulsion during the French Revolution. In 1901, they will definitively expelled.
In the following years, the monastery was redesigned and made into a hotel before being abandoned. Then, the building has been bought by Mother Mary of Jesus di Rudini, Prioress of the Carmel of Paray le Monial, after what she restored it and turned it into a Carmel. On the 15th October 1932, date of the feast of St Teresa of Avila, Monastic life was revived in this place.
Nowadays, 18 Carmelites reside in the “Carmel du Reposoir” and their vocation is essentially ecclesial and apostolic in this temple of prayer and meditation.

During your stay …
You can visit the monument and contemplate several architectural jewels such as the front entrance, a listed monument which dates from the restoration of the Charterhouse in 1671; the entrance of the church which is distinguished by the overhang of its Savoyard roof; the sanctuary where a robust stone altar sits and the stained glass designed by Louis Barillet.
The nuns offer tourists to purchase souvenirs. Their shop proposes several handmade items such as candles, keyrings, embroideries, cosmetics or wooden jewellery.

Useful information…
The site is open daily to public in the morning from 7 a.m to 12 a.m, and in the afternoon from 2 p.m to 6.30 p.m.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-01-2020 17:51

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sherry48, postée le 02-01-2020 à 22:18:56 (S | E)
Hello.
Here are just a few ideas to get you started.
Take a look at the sentences where you have the word 'then,' indicating a sequence of events. You normally use a simple past verb in this case.
They will (be) indicates a still future event.
Finally, in your sentence with 'the nuns offer,' offer is a transitive verb, so that which is being offered must follow the verb.
Fix what you can and post the results. If anything is not clear, just ask.
Sherry

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sandrinel, postée le 02-01-2020 à 23:12:53 (S | E)
Hello.
Here are just a few ideas to get you started.
Take a look at the sentences where you have the word 'then,' indicating a sequence of events. You normally use a simple past verb in this case.
They will (be) indicates a still future event.
Finally, in your sentence with 'the nuns offer,' offer is a transitive verb, so that which is being offered must follow the verb.
Fix what you can and post the results. If anything is not clear, just ask. Sherry

Hello

First, I would like to thank you Sherry.

Here is my attempt to correct my mistakes:

The Carthusians had cleared the land >>> The Carthusians cleared the land

They will be definitively expelled >>> they were definitively expelled (I'm not sure)

Then, the building has been bought>>> Later, the building has been bought

The nuns offer tourists to purchase souvenirs >>> The nuns offer a wide variety of souvenirs to purchase

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sherry48, postée le 03-01-2020 à 13:18:21 (S | E)
Hello.
The Carthusians had cleared the land >>> The Carthusians cleared the land OK

They will be definitively expelled >>> they were definitively expelled (I'm not sure) OK

Then, the building has been bought>>> Later, the building has been bought...Later is good, but stay with simple past tense.
Past perfect indicates that an event happened before another, a sentence such as this: Over the centuries, the building has been bought by one group after another.

The nuns offer tourists to purchase souvenirs >>> The nuns offer a wide variety of souvenirs to purchase OK

by the overhang of its Savoyard roof; OK or use overhang as an adjective

The site is open daily to public in the morning from 7 a.m to 12 a.m, and in the afternoon from 2 p.m to 6.30 p.m. Public here is a noun, not an adjective, so it needs an article. In the morning/afternoon is OK, but redundant since you have a.m. and p.m.

Good improvement!
Sherry

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sandrinel, postée le 03-01-2020 à 16:12:30 (S | E)
thanks a lot for your help

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sandrinel, postée le 03-01-2020 à 16:27:11 (S | E)
I also have written the following text, feel free to proofread it 😀😀😀

A little about the “Lac Bénit” history…

No written document retraces the story of this place or why it is called “Lac Bénit” (understand “Blessed Lake”), but it inspired several legends and fairy tales.

Anyway, the most likely explanation is that Marnaz’s and Mont-Saxonnex’s people used to hold religious services along the lake on Saint Claude’s day in order to preserve their villages from flooding.

During your stay…

You can walk to the lake from Mont Saxonnex. This hiking is referred to as easy and practicable from the age of 6 and offers nature lovers wonderful scenes of mountains and forest all along the walk.
The lucky one might see an alpine ibex or a bearded vulture.
Useful information

You must be equipped with snowshoes to reach “Lac Bénit” in winter time.

The round trip takes about 2 hours.

Do I need to open another topic or could I leave this here?

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sandrinel, postée le 03-01-2020 à 18:10:29 (S | E)
I already guess that I should change:

offers nature lovers wonderful scenes of mountains and forest all along the walk >>> offers wonderful scenes of mountains and forest all along the walk. It's a must do for nature lovers.

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sherry48, postée le 03-01-2020 à 20:21:09 (S | E)
Hello.
It inspired several legends and fairy tales- is OK, but here the perfect makes sense if you assume that the legends came about over a long period of time.
Marnaz’s and Mont-Saxonnex’s people… you wrote this the way that English usually prefers, with the 's possessive but in this case, ‘people of’ actually sounds better.
'This hiking'… regular noun form is a little better.
The lucky one could be A lucky one…since this person has not yet been mentioned, but 'the' is possible.
Offer is a verb that can be transitive or intransitive.
The nuns offer tourists to purchase souvenirs was not acceptable; the main thing is not to use an infinitive plus object.
Your solution to move the infinitive to the end is a great idea. The other possibility would be ‘for purchase’. So… offers nature lovers wonderful scenes of mountains and forest all along the walk isn’t bad, but I like your revision very much. Sherry

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sandrinel, postée le 03-01-2020 à 21:04:28 (S | E)
Thank you so much Sherry!

So,
It inspired several legends and fairy tales- is OK, but here the perfect makes sense if you assume that the legends came about over a long period of time.
>>>> I should better say "It has inspired"

'This hiking'… regular noun form is a little better.
>>> do you mean I should write "This hike"?

Finally, I leave the last part of my writting just below:

Did you know?

Patte d’ours

« Patte d’ours »first appears in Mont Saxonnex in 1992.

This pastry has been designed by the local baker to pay homage to mountain bears and to please children.

Reblochon

Reblochon is a Savoyard cheese taking its name from a fraud to avoid taxes: in the 13th century, farmers had to pay the landowners a tax calculated on the milk produced by their cows over one day.

In an attempt to pay as little as possible, they made a first milking and then, once the controller was gone, a second one called the “rebloche”. Indeed, in Savoyard dialect "Re-blocher" means to milk a cow for a second time.

Thus, the milk obtained was rich in cream and ideal to make cheese. So, farmers decided to name it “Reblochon”.

Tartiflette

The “Tartiflette” originates from the mountain chains of Aravis.

The name “Tartiflette” is derived from the word "tartiflâ" which means potato in Savoyard dialect.

Prepared with “Reblochon”, this recipe was invented and launched by the interprofessional council of Reblochon in the 1980s to boost the sales of this delicious cheese.

Feel free to comment if there is something wrong or weird.

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sherry48, postée le 04-01-2020 à 21:21:54 (S | E)
Hello.
This pastry has been designed by the local baker to pay homage to mountain bears and to please children.
Has been designed…perfect not required.
The local baker means there is only 1; if this baker is one among many, you would not use 'the'.
Reblochon

Reblochon is a Savoyard cheese taking its name from a fraud to avoid taxes: in the 13th century, farmers had to pay (the) landowners a tax calculated on the milk produced by their cows over one day.
taking its name OK, or you could use present simple.
milk produced by their cows over one day OK, or you can use an adjective form of day and a noun form instead of produced

In an attempt to pay as little as possible, they made a first milking and then, once the controller was gone, a second one called the “rebloche”. Indeed, in Savoyard dialect "Re-blocher" means to milk a cow for a second time.
‘made a first milking’ sounds a little awkward…as little as possible, once the controller was gone, they milked the cows a second time, called…

Thus, the milk obtained was rich in cream and ideal to make cheese. So, farmers decided to name it “Reblochon”.
‘to make cheese’ OK, or for making cheese.

Tartiflette

...in the 1980s to boost (the) sales of this delicious cheese.
That's it! Sherry

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sandrinel, postée le 06-01-2020 à 12:06:20 (S | E)
Thank you so much for helping me!

Réponse : Correction/monastery de sherry48, postée le 07-01-2020 à 13:20:57 (S | E)
Hello Sandrinel, and you are welcome! Sherry

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