Speech/redemption

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Speech/redemption
Message de marie21 posté le 06-04-2021 à 11:56:54 (S | E | F)
Bonjour !
Excusez-moi de vous déranger, je viens de préparer un petit speech (devoir d'anglais à faire) et j'aimerais savoir s'il y a des fautes dedans...
Pourriez-vous m'aider ?
Merci d'avance pour votre réponse.

Voici le discours :
Speech

Redemption

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
I’m here today to talk to you about a topic that a lot of us don’t want to hear about. I’m here today to talk about people society would rather forget. People we don’t want to meet, people we’re afraid of, people that sometimes appears at the TV for what they’ve done. Today, I want to talk about criminals. All kind of criminals.
Whether we admit it or not, those people are part of our society. We all agree that we can’t let them do their crimes, and that they have to face justice for it. But, we have to remember, we live in a society that doesn’t use death sentence anymore. Once their sentence is pronounced, once they finished their detention, what happens to them ? What do they do ? How do people react towards them ?
We often don’t forgive criminals for what they’ve done. That’s the public sentence, the rejection of our society to people that hurt others, people untrustworthy. Because we’re scared of what they’ve done, we’re scared of what they can do, we’re scared of them. And, because of that fear and that general denial, those criminals gather and plunge deeper in the vicious cycle where they are. We don’t want to forgive them, they don’t want to be forgiven. In both sides, we all think that reintegrate criminals is hopeless. So we drop the topic, we just let things the way they are, and we keep going in our general apathy and disinterest of the idea of redemption. Thus, criminals keep doing their crimes, people keep hating them, justice keep sending them in prison. That’s just a cycle that repeats itself over and over again.
I want to break that cycle.
I want to believe that those people who walked the wrong path, those people who don’t even think about changing themselves because they consider it’s useless and they have to be happy the way they are anyways, I want to give them a chance. A chance to prove they can be better. Even if it’s ridiculous for you, laughable for them, I want to believe in them, because sometimes, to change things, you just have to take the first step.
And I believe that with great efforts, support and yes, even love, they can do it. Yes, the risk of relapsing is high ; yes, only a few criminals succeeded in the long run their redemption ; yes, I’m aware that the majority of them don’t believe in it and even don’t want to change. Nevertheless, I’m willing to give them another chance, that they can take whenever they feel ready or at least curious about it. I say this, to all the criminals : I’ll support you if you want to change, and failing sometimes doesn’t mean it’s impossible. To all the people who don’t think it’s possible, I’ll say that : just keeping ignoring this problem and instantly thinking that they won’t change, and don’t deserve better, that won’t improve the situation.

Réponse : Speech/redemption de gerondif, postée le 06-04-2021 à 14:56:02 (S | E)
Bonjour
Erreurs en bleu.
Votre anglais est fluide et passe bien à l'oral. Je retrouve le rythme ternaire cher à Cicéron et aux discours politiques.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
I’m here today to talk to you about a topic that a lot of us don’t want to hear about. I’m here today to talk about people society would rather forget. People we don’t want to meet, people we’re afraid of, people that sometimes appears at the (on TV) TV for (because of) what they’ve done. Today, I want to talk about criminals. All kind of criminals.
Whether we admit it or not, those people are part of our society. We all agree that we can’t let them do (commit) their crimes, and that they have to face justice for it. But, we have to remember, (supprimez ces deux virgules) we live in a society that doesn’t use the death sentence anymore. Once their sentence is pronounced, once they have finished their detention, what happens to them ? What do they do ? How do people react towards them ?
We often don’t forgive (Often, we don't forgive // We don't often forgive) criminals for what they’ve done. That’s the public sentence, the rejection of(by, pour éviter la répétition) our society to of people that hurt others, people untrustworthy(inversez). Because we’re scared of what they’ve done, we’re scared of what they can do, we’re scared of them. And, because of that fear and that general denial, those criminals gather and plunge deeper in the vicious cycle where they are. We don’t want to forgive them, they don’t want to be forgiven. In both sides, we(Mettez plutôt Both sides comme sujet du verbe) all think that reintegrate(gérondif) criminals is hopeless. So we drop the topic, we just let( confusion entre to let et to leave) things the way they are, and we keep going in our general apathy and disinterest of in the idea of redemption. Thus, criminals keep doing (committing) their crimes, people keep hating them, justice keeps sending them in(in, on y est. to, on y va) prison. That’s just a cycle that repeats itself over and over again.
I want to break that cycle.
I want to believe that those people who walked the wrong path, those people who don’t even think about changing ~~themselves~~ because they consider it’s useless and they have to be happy the way they are anyways, I want to give them a chance.
Vous avez perdu le fil en cours de route : I want to believe that those people... vont faire quoi ?
Ce serait différent si vous mettiez :I want to believe in those people, là, la suite de votre texte peut convenir.

A chance to prove they can be better. Even if it’s ridiculous for you, laughable for them, I want to believe in them, because sometimes, to change things, you just have to take the first step.
And I believe that with great efforts, support and yes, even love, they can do it. Yes, the risk of relapsing is high ; yes, only a few criminals succeeded in the long run their redemption ; to succeed ne peut avoir de cod : I succeeded my redemption est faux. I succeeded tout seul oui, I succeded in achieving my redemption oui.

yes, I’m aware that the majority of them don’t believe in it and even don’t want to change. Nevertheless, I’m willing to give them another chance, (répétez le mot a chance that, sinon, la construction n'est pas évidente, on n'identifie pas votre pronom relatif a cause de la virgule) that they can take whenever they feel ready or at least curious about it. I say this,(virgule à ôter) to all the criminals : I’ll support you if you want to change, and failing sometimes (on pourrait croire que ce sometimes s'applique au verbe et non au sujet failing, je mettrais plutôt quelque chose comme "possible" ou "the risk of" devant "failing")doesn’t mean it’s impossible. To all the people who don’t think it’s possible, I’ll say that : just keeping ignoring this problem and instantly(convient mal. Peut-être for ever derrière thinking...) thinking that they won’t change, and don’t deserve better, that won’t improve the situation.

Réponse : Speech/redemption de marie21, postée le 06-04-2021 à 16:35:26 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup !

Voilà le résultat :
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
I’m here today to talk to you about a topic that a lot of us don’t want to hear about. I’m here today to talk about people society would rather forget. People we don’t want to meet, people we’re afraid of, people that sometimes appears on TV because of what they’ve done. Today, I want to talk about criminals. All kind of criminals.
Whether we admit it or not, those people are part of our society. We all agree that we can’t let them commit their crimes, and that they have to face justice for it. But we have to remember we live in a society that doesn’t use the death sentence anymore. Once their sentence is pronounced, once they have finished their detention, what happens to them ? What do they do ? How do people react towards them ?
Often, we don’t forgive criminals for what they’ve done. That’s the public sentence, the rejection by our society of people that hurt others, untrustworthy people. Because we’re scared of what they’ve done, we’re scared of what they can do, we’re scared of them. And, because of that fear and that general denial, those criminals gather and plunge deeper in the vicious cycle where they are. We don’t want to forgive them, they don’t want to be forgiven. Both sides think that reintegrate criminals is hopeless. So we drop the topic, we just leave things the way they are, and we keep going in our general apathy and disinterest in the idea of redemption. Thus, criminals keep committing their crimes, people keep hating them, justice keeps sending them to prison. That’s just a cycle that repeats itself over and over again.
I want to break that cycle.
I want to believe in those people who walked the wrong path, those people who don’t even think about changing because they consider it’s useless and they have to be happy the way they are anyways, I want to give them a chance. A chance to prove they can be better. Even if it’s ridiculous for you, laughable for them, I want to believe in them, because sometimes, to change things, you just have to take the first step.
And I believe that with great efforts, support and yes, even love, they can do it. Yes, the risk of relapsing is high ; yes, only a few criminals succeeded in achieving in the long run their redemption ; yes, I’m aware that the majority of them don’t believe in it and even don’t want to change. Nevertheless, I’m willing to give them another chance, a chance that they can take whenever they feel ready or at least curious about it. I say this to all the criminals : I’ll support you if you want to change, and possible failing doesn’t mean it’s impossible. To all the people who don’t think it’s possible, I’ll say that : just keeping ignoring this problem and thinking that they won’t change, and don’t deserve better, that won’t improve the situation.

Réponse : Speech/redemption de gerondif, postée le 06-04-2021 à 17:00:39 (S | E)
Hello again.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
I’m here today to talk to you about a topic that a lot of us don’t want to hear about. I’m here today to talk about people society would rather forget. People we don’t want to meet, people we’re afraid of, people that sometimes appears on TV because of what they’ve done. Today, I want to talk about criminals. All kind of criminals.
Un oubli de ma part : every kind of, singulier.
All kinds of, pluriel.

Whether we admit it or not, those people are part of our society. We all agree that we can’t let them commit their crimes, and that they have to face justice for it. But we have to remember we live in a society that doesn’t use the death sentence any more.(en deux mots) Once their sentence is pronounced, once they have finished their detention, what happens to them ? What do they do ? How do people react towards them ?
Often, we don’t forgive criminals for what they’ve done. That’s the public sentence, the rejection by our society of people that hurt others, untrustworthy people. Because we’re scared of what they’ve done, we’re scared of what they can do, we’re scared of them. And, because of that fear and that general denial, those criminals gather and plunge deeper in the vicious cycle where they are. We don’t want to forgive them, they don’t want to be forgiven. Both sides think that reintegrate(gérondif, ing) criminals is hopeless. So we drop the topic, we just leave things the way they are, and we keep going in our general apathy and disinterest in the idea of redemption. Thus, criminals keep committing their crimes, people keep hating them, justice keeps sending them to prison. That’s just a cycle that repeats itself over and over again.
I want to break that cycle.
I want to believe in those people who walked the wrong path, those people who don’t even think about changing because they consider it’s useless and they have to be happy the way they are anyways, I want to give them a chance. A chance to prove they can be better. Even if it’s ridiculous for you, laughable for them, I want to believe in them, because sometimes, to change things, you just have to take the first step.
And I believe that with great efforts, support and yes, even love, they can do it. Yes, the risk of relapsing is high ; yes, only a few criminals succeeded in achieving in the long run their redemption ; yes, I’m aware that the majority of them don’t(the majority of them + singulier / most of them + pluriel) believe in it and even don’t want to change. Nevertheless, I’m willing to give them another chance, a chance that they can take whenever they feel ready or at least curious about it. I say this to all the criminals : I’ll support you if you want to change, and possible failing doesn’t mean it’s impossible. To all the people who don’t think it’s possible, I’ll say that : (ça fait beaucoup d'ing! Just to keep ignoring...and to think...)just keeping ignoring this problem and thinking that they won’t change, and don’t deserve better, that won’t improve the situation.

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