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Message de fannyb posté le 23-04-2021 à 23:13:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois faire une lettre de motivations pour intégrer une option Anglaise. Pourriez-vous m’indiquer si vous trouvez des erreurs s’il vous plaît?
Madam, Sir
I aspire to join the English European section/biology in your establishment owing to the last two years I spent in this option in the Condorcet high school in X were really profitable. Assuredly, I had the opportunity to develop my knowledge of England while improving my level in English. That’s why, I would like to continue on this path. This option has allowed me to awaken my curiosity about different English books and newspapers.
Furthermore, the Shakespeare’s language is one of the most spoken in the world, mastering it would be useful in my professional life. As a matter of fact, I would like to work in astronomy internationally. What’s more, I would add that biology is a discipline that I enjoy and which is often taught in English in higher education, therefore having already studied biology in English would be an advantage for me.
Otherwise, I’m aware that this option isn’t to be taken lightly and it requires a certain amount of extra work. Nevertheless, I am very motivated to learn and discover new aspects of this language and I will always try to excel at my work.
Yours faithfully
Message de fannyb posté le 23-04-2021 à 23:13:35 (S | E | F)
Bonjour,
Je dois faire une lettre de motivations pour intégrer une option Anglaise. Pourriez-vous m’indiquer si vous trouvez des erreurs s’il vous plaît?
Madam, Sir
I aspire to join the English European section/biology in your establishment owing to the last two years I spent in this option in the Condorcet high school in X were really profitable. Assuredly, I had the opportunity to develop my knowledge of England while improving my level in English. That’s why, I would like to continue on this path. This option has allowed me to awaken my curiosity about different English books and newspapers.
Furthermore, the Shakespeare’s language is one of the most spoken in the world, mastering it would be useful in my professional life. As a matter of fact, I would like to work in astronomy internationally. What’s more, I would add that biology is a discipline that I enjoy and which is often taught in English in higher education, therefore having already studied biology in English would be an advantage for me.
Otherwise, I’m aware that this option isn’t to be taken lightly and it requires a certain amount of extra work. Nevertheless, I am very motivated to learn and discover new aspects of this language and I will always try to excel at my work.
Yours faithfully
Réponse : Lettre/motivation de fannyb, postée le 24-04-2021 à 18:23:46 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Je trouve que dans ce paragraphe le mot "would" est trop souvent répété mais je ne connais d’autres options pour utiliser un conditionnel
Furthermore, the Shakespeare’s language is one of the most spoken in the world, mastering it would be useful in my professional life. As a matter of fact, I would like to work in astronomy internationally. What’s more, I would add that biology is a discipline that I enjoy and which is often taught in English in higher education, therefore having already studied biology in English would be an advantage for me.
Réponse : Lettre/motivation de trams, postée le 24-04-2021 à 19:23:43 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Voici ce que je corrigerais ( en vert):
Madam, Sir
I aspire ( le verbe existe mais il parait étrange ici) to join the English European section/biology in your establishment (calque du français) owing to the last two years (sens?) I spent (vocabulaire) in this option in the Condorcet high school in X were really profitable (sens de la fin de phrase). Assuredly, I had the opportunity to develop my knowledge of England (de l'Angleterre uniquement?) while improving my level in (préposition) English. That’s why, I would like to continue on this path. This option has allowed me to awaken my curiosity about different English books and newspapers.
Furthermore, the Shakespeare’s language ( pas besoin d'article ici mais l'expression en elle-même me parait être un calque du français) is one of the most spoken in the world, mastering it would be useful in my professional life. As a matter of fact, I would like to work in astronomy internationally. What’s more, I would add that biology is a discipline ( cela existe mais je ne l'ai jamais rencontré dans ce sens) that I enjoy and which is often taught in English in higher education, therefore having already studied biology in English would be an advantage for me.
Otherwise, I’m aware that this option isn’t to be taken lightly and it requires a certain amount of extra work. Nevertheless, I am very motivated to learn and discover new aspects of this language and I will always try to excel at my work.
Si vous souhaitez alléger en ' would', vous pouvez essayer de remplacer ' would like to ' par un synonyme. Le Would conditionnel parait plus difficile à éviter sauf à passer par des formules ampoulées ou plus complexes.
Courage,
Trams
Réponse : Lettre/motivation de fannyb, postée le 24-04-2021 à 22:59:58 (S | E)
Bonsoir
Merci pour vos conseils
I aspire (j’ai pu retrouver un exemple sur wordréférence de ce verbe dans une situation similaire: He aspires to the job of factory manager. J’ai pensé que cela pourrait s’appliquer ici aussi. non ? ) to join the English European section/biology in the Louis-le-Grand high school as the last two years in this option in the Condorcet high school in X were really useful . Assuredly, I had the opportunity to develop my knowledge of English-speaking countries while improving my level of English. That’s why, I would like to continue on this path. This option has allowed me to awaken my curiosity about different English books and newspapers.
Furthermore, Shakespeare’s language is one of the most spoken in the world, mastering it would be helpful in my professional life. As a matter of fact, I wish work in astronomy internationally. What’s more, I would add that biology is a subject that I enjoy and which is often taught in English in higher education, therefore having already studied biology in English would be an advantage for me.
Otherwise, I’m aware that this option isn’t to be taken lightly and it requires a certain amount of extra work. Nevertheless, I am very motivated to learn and discover new aspects of this language and I will always try to excel at my work
Réponse : Lettre/motivation de trams, postée le 25-04-2021 à 06:50:43 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Les corrections apportées sont satisfaisantes. D'autres membres pourront encore vous guider je pense.
Concernant ' Aspire', ce n'est pas parce qu'un mot est dans le dictionnaire qu'il est utilisé. L'usage prend le pas sur la règle.Comme en français d'ailleurs.
En quelques années de pratique de l'anglais, je ne l'ai jamais rencontré dans les lettres de candidature, voilà tout
Bonne journée,
Trams
Réponse : Lettre/motivation de lucile83, postée le 25-04-2021 à 09:26:08 (S | E)
Hello,
Trams a raison, To aspire to est trop guindé ici; vous avez des synonymes: to aim,to plan,to hope to,to have in mind,etc.
Good luck!
Réponse : Lettre/motivation de fannyb, postée le 25-04-2021 à 10:04:12 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Merci beaucoup pour vos corrections
I aim to join the English European section/biology in the Louis-le-Grand high school as the last two years in this option in the Condorcet high school in X were really useful. Assuredly, I had the opportunity to develop my knowledge of English-speaking countries while improving my level of English. That’s why, I would like to continue on this path. This option has allowed me to awaken my curiosity about different English books and newspapers.
Furthermore, Shakespeare’s language is one of the most spoken in the world, mastering it would be helpful in my professional life. As a matter of fact, I wish work in astronomy internationally. What’s more, I would add that biology is a subject that I enjoy and which is often taught in English in higher education, therefore having already studied biology in English would be an advantage for me.
Otherwise, I’m aware that this option isn’t to be taken lightly and it requires a certain amount of extra work. Nevertheless, I am very motivated to learn and discover new aspects of this language and I will always try to excel at my work
Yours faithfully.
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