RYB/let's suggest 5

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RYB/let's suggest 5
Message de here4u posté le 28-12-2021 à 21:40:42 (S | E | F)
Hello, dear Workers!

Les temps sont durs ... Entre les dernières courses et les incertitudes et inquiétudes dues à la période, il semble bien difficile de se concentrer sur du travail intellectuel ...

Voici le rappel des modalités de la première partie de l'exercice :
1. Je vous demande une EXPRESSION sur un sujet imposé (un sujet unique par exercice) à m’envoyer en mp dès maintenant … (=> 130 - 150 mots au maximum - un seul envoi par personne.)

2. Le plus tôt possible, une première expression est publiée sur Forum, et CHACUN est libre de « corriger » UNE FOIS ( en collant le texte et indiquant les erreurs EN BLEU, et en soulignant ce qui vous semble maladroit et que vous voudriez changer, sans donner la «correction » (forme correcte), comme il se doit.) Un seul devoir à la fois sera publié pour corriger…
Les modalités entières sont accessibles : Lien internet

( Je vous les rappellerai au fur et à mesure de la progression du travail ).

Le sujet sera ... ce que vous en ferez, ou Correction en ligne le mardi 11 janvier 2022.
Voici le nouveau sujet !

- Do you agree that 'You can have anything you want if only you try hard enough...' 130-150 words

May THE FORCE be with You (with many of you! ) Everybody's welcome!

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 31-12-2021 à 22:40:35 (S | E)
Hello!

Quick reaction! a lot!

EXPRESSION N°1:

I agree that when you make great efforts, you improve so much that you can reach your goals, provided this goal was achievable.
For instance, if you practise English on a daily basis, reading, writing, listening to people, talking with native speakers, you are more likely to become bilingual. But it takes a lot of time! You can't expect to get everything you wish without trying hard. But if you're really motivated, you won't shy away from hard work, will you?
However, trying hard may not always be enough, especially if you are asking the impossible. In that case, I don't think you should be disappointed because you've necessarily become better and you can be proud of yourself. (123W)

Merci d'indiquer les erreurs éventuelles en bleu, et de souligner les maladresses possibles.

Merci d'envoyer vos expressions en mps! ... et, bien sûr, je compte sur vous pour travailler aussi le 1er janvier !

to all of you... and may THE FORCE never leave you!

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 01-01-2022 à 13:48:36 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Bon ! Pas d'amateurs pour indiquer les éventuelles erreurs et maladresses ...??? Je vous laisse jusqu'à ce soir et après, je le ferai ... (mais je préférerais ne pas faire "votre" travail ! )
Une deuxième EXPRESSION est en attente !

Enjoy the beginning of this new Year! (doing English, it's even better ! ) 🎁 🥳 🎉 🎊 🙃

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de lucile83, postée le 01-01-2022 à 17:07:28 (S | E)
Hello,
Just a try...

I agree that when you make great efforts, you improve so much that you can reach your goals, provided this goal was achievable.
For instance, if you practise English on a daily basis, reading, writing, listening to people, talking with native speakers, you are more likely to become bilingual. But it takes a lot of time! You can't expect to get everything you wish without trying hard. But if you're really motivated, you won't shy away from hard work, will you?
However, trying hard may not always be enough, especially if you are asking the impossible. In that case, I don't think you should be disappointed because you've necessarily become better and you can be proud of yourself.

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 01-01-2022 à 21:31:54 (S | E)
Hello! Thanks a lot dear Lucile!

A croire que nous sommes les deux seules à travailler le 1er janvier !
Merci Lucile ! Pas grand chose à "suggérer" de plus, mais je vais être un petit peu plus difficile, encore ...

EXPRESSION N°1: et suggestions pour préparer la correction finale.

I agree that when you make great efforts, you improve so much that you can reach your goals, provided this goal was achievable. For instance, if you practise English on a daily basis, reading, writing, listening to people, talking with native speakers, you are more likely to become bilingual. But it takes a lot of time! You can't expect to get everything you wish without trying hard. But if you're really motivated, you won't shy away from hard work, will you?
However, trying hard may not always be enough, especially if you are asking the impossible. In that case, I don't think you should be disappointed because you've necessarily become better and you can be proud of yourself. Quite good, indeed!

EXPRESSION N°2: Please, indicates the possible mistakes in blue and underline what you think is clumsy.

To obtain all that you want in the life, it is necessary to give yourself the means to succeed. You must fix only one objective at the same time( not, want all at once) and always stay the course. Reach the end of your dream.
Study all the parameters, ask advice, surround yourself with qualified people, seize your chance. Never lose sight of your goal.
Work, willpower, courage, patience, luck and faith are the keys to success.
Without ever getting discouraged, move forward, start again, question yourself, take advantage of your failures and continue without ceasing.
Sometimes, administrative service or bad luck can hold you back. Never give up. Aim for the stars. Everything happens in the end.
Man has walked on the moon. Hasn't he. (127)

a lot!

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de lucile83, postée le 01-01-2022 à 22:28:47 (S | E)
Hello,
EXPRESSION N°1: correction en vert

I agree that when you make great efforts, you get/are so much better that you can reach your goals, provided your goal is achievable.
For instance, if you practise English on a daily basis, reading, writing, listening to people, talking with native speakers, you are more likely to become bilingual. Unfortunately/actually it takes a lot of time! You can't expect to get everything you wish without trying hard. Yet, if you're really motivated, you won't shy away from hard work, will you?
However, trying hard may not always be enough, especially if you are asking the impossible. In that case, I don't think you should be disappointed because you've necessarily become better and you can be proud of yourself.

- J'avais laissé le 1er BUT car l'employer en début de phrase est toléré s'il y a une contradiction. Le 2e BUT était une répétition, d'où le vert... changé en bleu dans ma 1re réponse
Lien internet

Hope it's ok now

Je laisse la main pour l'expression N°2

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de maxwell, postée le 02-01-2022 à 20:29:56 (S | E)
Hello! et Bonne année à tous ❤️
EXPRESSION N°2:

To obtain all that you want in the life, it is necessary to give yourself the means to succeed. You must fix only one objective at the same time( not, want all at once) and always stay the course. Reach the end of your dream.
Study all the parameters, ask XXX advice, surround yourself with qualified people, seize your chance. Never lose sight of your goal.
Work, willpower, courage, patience, luck and faith are the keys to success.
Without ever getting discouraged, move forward, start again, question yourself, take advantage of your failures and continue without ceasing.
Sometimes, administrative service or bad luck can hold you back. Never give up. Aim for the stars. Everything happens in the end.
Man has walked on the moon. Hasn't he. punctuation (127)

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 04-01-2022 à 14:16:31 (S | E)
Helllllloooo!

It's time to suggest in green....

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de maxwell, postée le 04-01-2022 à 21:18:05 (S | E)
Hello!
EXPRESSION N°2:

To obtain all that you want in life, it is necessary to give yourself the means to succeed. You must set only one objective at the same time (don't want everything at once) and always stay the course. Reach the end of your dream.
Study all the parameters, ask for advice, surround yourself with qualified people, seize your chance. Never lose sight of your goal.
Work, willpower, courage, patience, luck and faith are the keys to success.
Without ever getting discouraged, move forward, start again, question yourself, take advantage of your failures and continue without ceasing.
Sometimes, administrative service or bad luck can hold you back. Never give up. Aim for the stars. Everything happens in the end.
Man has walked on the moon, hasn't he?

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 05-01-2022 à 21:52:42 (S | E)
Hello Dears!

Very few workers... Are you on strike?

EXPRESSION N°2:
Let's consider we have enough suggestions and this expression is Good!

To obtain all that you want in life, it is necessary to give yourself the means to succeed. You must set only one objective at the same time (don't want everything at once) and always stay the course. Reach the end of your dream.
Study all the parameters, ask for advice, surround yourself with qualified people, seize your chance. Never lose sight of your goal.
Work, willpower, courage, patience, luck and faith are the keys to success.
Without ever getting discouraged, move forward, start again, question yourself, take advantage of your failures and continue without ceasing.
Sometimes, administrative service or bad luck can hold you back. Never give up. Aim for the stars. Everything happens in the end.
Man has walked on the moon, hasn't he?

EXPRESSION N°3:

It’s agreeable to think that everytime you’re making efforts, they are going to bear fruits. It means that when you work, you think you are going to have reward, but it’s not always like that. Some times, you work and work, you study but you have bad marks or you have more mistakes and you can be desespeared. At the begin, you don’t do progresses… or if you do, they are very little. You have to do it again and again, and don’t take care of the bad marks they give you. You have to be persisting. Everybody doesnt improve. Some times, it’s necessary to work again and again and perhaps have learned more and differently. 150

Merci d'indiquer les erreurs en bleu, et de souligner les maladresses.
I give you the FORCE!

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de maxwell, postée le 06-01-2022 à 20:59:13 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION N°3:

It’s agreeable to think that everytime you’re making efforts, they are going to bear fruits. It means that when you work, you think you are going to have XXX reward, but it’s not always like that. Some times, you work and work, you study but you have bad marks or you have more mistakes and you can be desespeared. At the begin, you don’t do progresses… or if you do, they are very little. You have to do it again and again, and don’t take care of the bad marks they give you. You have to be persisting. Everybody doesnt improve. Some times, it’s necessary to work again and again and perhaps XXX have learned more and differently. 150

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 09-01-2022 à 14:20:38 (S | E)
Hello!

Not interested? Pity!

Green expected for EXPRESSION N°3!

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de maxwell, postée le 09-01-2022 à 20:42:57 (S | E)
Hello!

EXPRESSION N°3:

Thinking that every time you’re making an effort, it will pay off is enjoyable. When you work, you think you are going to have a reward. However, it’s not always like that. Sometimes, you work and work, you study but you have bad marks or you make more mistakes and you may be desperate. At the beginning, you don’t make any progress… or if you do, it is very small. You have to do it again and again, and shouldn't pay too much attention to the bad marks you are given. You have to be persevering. Not everybody improves. It’s necessary to work hard on a daily basis and perhaps to try different learning approaches. 150

it will bear fruit sans "s"
J'enlève le dernier sometimes qui est vraiment en trop sur le fond et la forme
et j'enlève le "work again and again" qui est une répétition un peu lourde par rapport à "do it again and again" et "you work and work"

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 10-01-2022 à 10:57:15 (S | E)
Hello dears!

Un peu tard, mais bon ... voici notre dernière expression sur le sujet !
Merci de signaler les erreurs en bleu et souligner les maladresses jusque ce soir, et suggérer en vert dès demain matin ... (pour la correction demain soir !)

EXPRESSION N° 4:

When I was little, my parents, encouraging, always make me believe that I can do everything I have wanted. It was good for my personality : I have became a determinated boy wanting to have success (and even to be the best, the first, the strongest…) Unlike life teached me realities, not principals. Some times you want something terribly, but you knock your nose to the doors and are dissappointed. You think your a failure.
You must do the more you can, of course, but not to think you are invincible and can do all… The reality (illnesses, viruses, accidents,)and also the ill luck can stand in the way… 109

Go for it!

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de maxwell, postée le 10-01-2022 à 20:49:04 (S | E)
Hello!
EXPRESSION N° 4:

When I was little, my parents, encouraging, always make me believe that I can do everything I have wanted. It was good for my personality : I have became a determinated boy wanting to have success (and even to be the best, the first, the strongest…) Unlike life teached me realities, not principals. Some times you want something terribly, but you knock your nose to the doors and are dissappointed. You think your a failure.
You must do the more you can, of course, but not to think you are invincible and can do XXX all… The reality (illnesses, viruses, accidents,)and also the ill luck can stand in the way… 109

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de maxwell, postée le 11-01-2022 à 19:47:36 (S | E)
Hello!
EXPRESSION 4:

When I was little, my parents, encouraging, always allowed me to believe that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. It turned out to be good for my personality : I have become a determined boy wanting to have success (and even to be the best, the first, the strongest…)
Unlike my parents, life has taught me realities, not principles. Sometimes you want something terribly, but you bang your head against the wall and are disappointed. You think you're a failure.
Of course, you must do the best you can, but shouldn't think you are invincible and can do it all… Reality with all its dark aspects (illnesses, viruses, accidents, etc.) and ill luck can stand in the way… 109

j'ai légèrement apporté des précisions sur la 1ère phrase pour ne pas faire un faux sens.

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 11-01-2022 à 23:50:16 (S | E)
EXPRESSION N°1: the few suggestions we've made...

I agree that when you make great efforts, you improve so much that you can reach your goals, provided this goal was achievable. For instance, if you practise English on a daily basis, reading, writing, listening to people, talking with native speakers, you are more likely to become bilingual. But it takes a lot of time! You can't expect to get everything you wish without trying hard. But if you're really motivated, you won't shy away from hard work, will you?
However, trying hard may not always be enough, especially if you are asking the impossible. In that case, I don't think you should be disappointed because you've necessarily become better and you can be proud of yourself.

Une bonne expression.

- Lien internet
improve (something has improved or you improve your language skills… ) "You improve" me gêne ... Il manque un complément ...
to make progress: progress: indénombrable supporte mieux la généralité) a lot of progress/ much progress has been made…
- Lien internet

- But en début de phrase peut souvent être remplacé avantageusement par un « vrai » mot de liaison … comme vous l’avez fait.

EXPRESSION N°2:

To obtain all that you want in the life, it is necessary to give yourself the means to succeed. You must fix only one objective at the same time( not, want all at once) and always stay the course. Reach the end of your dream.
Study all the parameters, ask advice, surround yourself with qualified people, seize your chance. Never lose sight of your goal.
Work, willpower, courage, patience, luck and faith are the keys to success.
Without ever getting discouraged, move forward, start again, question yourself, take advantage of your failures and continue without ceasing.
Sometimes, administrative serviceS or bad luck can hold you back. Never give up. Aim for the stars. Everything happens in the end.
Man has walked on the moon. Hasn't he. (127)

THE SUGGESTIONS WE'VE MADE!

To obtain all that you want in life, it is necessary to give yourself the means to succeed. You must set only one objective at the same time (don't want everything at once) and always stay the course. Reach the end of your dream.
Study all the parameters, ask for advice, surround yourself with qualified people, seize your chance. Never lose sight of your goal. (Beaucoup de conseils donnés,(sous forme d’impératifs…) presque des ordres … j’aurais préféré des phrases réelles …)
Work, willpower, courage, patience, luck and faith are the keys to success.(un peu trop accumulatif !)
Without ever getting discouraged, move forward, start again, question yourself, take advantage of your failures and continue without ceasing.
Sometimes, administrative serviceS or bad luck can hold you back. Never give up. Aim for the stars. Everything happens in the end.
Man has walked on the moon, hasn't he?

OK ! Bonne expression. Revoir la ponctuation (les ordres sont en général suivis d’un point d’exclamation …)
- all that: tout ce que : OK.
- In ~~the~~ life ! GRRrrrrr ! life= mot abstrait qui ne supporte pas l’article indéfini, sauf s’il est déterminé (par une relative : the life that … ;) ou par of (the life of the people …)
- To fix or to set: Lien internet

Attention à «fix»: dont le sens le plus répandu est « réparer » ; Lien internet

- "Not to want"… would be better…
- A partir du 2è paragraphe, le style est un peu trop haché et ressenti comme des ordres, sinon des conseils …

EXPRESSION N°3:

It’s agreeable to think that everytime you’re making efforts, they are going to bear fruits. It means that when you work, you think you are going to have reward, but it’s not always like that. Some times, you work and work, you study but you have bad marks or you have more mistakes and you can be desespeared. At the begin, you don’t do progresses… or if you do, they are very little. You have to do it again and again, and don’t take care of the bad marks they give you. You have to be persisting. Everybody doesnt improve. Some times, it’s necessary to work again and again and perhaps have learned more and differently. 150

SUGGESTIONS FOR EXPRESSION N° 3.

Thinking that every time you’re making an effort,(1) it will pay off (2)is enjoyable. When you work, you think you are going to have a reward. However, it’s not always like that. Sometimes, you work and work, you study but you have bad marks or you make more mistakes and you may be desperate. At the beginning, you don’t make any progress (3)… or if you do, it is very small. You have to do it again and again, and shouldn't pay too much attention (4)to the bad marks (5)you are given. You have to be persevering. (7)Not (everybody ~~improves~~. It’s necessary to work hard on a daily basis and perhaps to try different learning approaches. 150
TBonne correction, mais des maladresses demeurent.

(1) Thinking that every time/ whenever/ you’re making/ make (would be better – habitude justifiée par « every time ») an effort est meilleur que «It’s (agreeable to think that everytime you’re (making efforts »[it would be satisfying to think that…]
(2) Bear fruit/ pay off/ bear dividends.
(3) you don’t make any progress… or if you do, it is very small. Bonne correction de «progress» indénombrable singulier.
(4) faire attention à : to pay attention to
(5) the bad marks they give you: le passif suggéré est bien meilleur.
(6) Persisting=> persevering : Lien internet

(7) ~~Everybody doesnt improve:~~ était faux : Lien internet
not everybody + verbe au singulier
Je n’aime toujours pas «not everybody improves.» Il manque un complément. « not everybody makes regular progress »

EXPRESSION N°4.

When I was little, my parents, encouraging,(construction) always (make me believe that I can do everything I (have wanted. It was good for my personality: I have (became a (determinated boy wanting to have success (and even to be the best, the first, the strongest…) Unlike life teached me realities, not principals. Some times you want something terribly, but you knock your nose to the doors and are dissappointed. You think your a failure. You must do the more you can, of course, but not to think you are invincible and can do all… The reality (illnesses, viruses, accidents,)and also the ill luck can stand in the way… 109

When I was little, my parents, encouraging, always make me believe that I can do everything I have wanted. It was good for my personality : I have became a determinated boy wanting to have success (and even to be the best, the first, the strongest…) Unlike life teached me realities, not principals. Some times you want something terribly, but you knock your nose to the doors and are dissappointed. You think your a failure.
You must do the more you can, of course, but not to think you are invincible and can do XXX all… The reality (illnesses, viruses, accidents,)and also the ill luck can stand in the way… 109

SUGGESTIONS FOR EXPRESSION N°4.

When I was little, my parents, encouraging,(construction) always allowed me to believe (1)that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. It turned out to be good for my personality B(It shaped my personality/ it turned out to shape my personality.): I have become a determined boy wanting to have success (and even to be the best, the first, the strongest…)
Unlike my parents,(2) life has taught me realities, not principlesB. Sometimes you want something terribly, but you bang your head against the wall and are disappointed. You think you're a failure.
Of course, you must do the best you can(3), but shouldn't think you are invincible and can do it all… Reality with all its dark aspects (illnesses, viruses, accidents, etc.) and ill luck can stand in the way… (109) Un peu court … Bonne correction.

(1) Je n’aimais pas «made me believe» qui impliquait une contrainte … mais je l’aurais transformé en «let me believe/ think» qui transformait moins l’idée … «allowed me to» implique une autre forme de contrainte ...
(2) Ah…. Je n’avais pas compris … J’avais pensé à une erreur portant sur «unlike»!
(3) Je crois que je préfère « as well as you can » … (mais c’est moi !)

Vous avez toujours la possibilité de corriger tout ou partie dans un Follow up Work! Il y en aura pour tout le monde ! Ne vous battez pas !

Un grand merci aux rédacteurs et correcteurs ! Meilleure santé à ceux qui sont touchés par le virus ... Thinking about you... Take care!

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de maxwell, postée le 12-01-2022 à 20:35:25 (S | E)
FINISHED
Hello!
Follow-up work:

EXPRESSION N°1:

I agree that when you make great efforts, you get so much better that you can reach your goal, provided your goal is achievable. For instance, if you practise English on a daily basis, reading, writing, listening to people, talking with native speakers, you are more likely to become bilingual. Nevertheless it takes a lot of time! You can't expect to get everything you wish without trying hard. Yet, if you're really motivated, you won't shy away from hard work, will you?
However, trying hard may not always be enough, especially if you are asking the impossible. In that case, I don't think you should be disappointed because your level has necessarily improved and you can be proud of yourself.

Je n'ai pas tellement compris en quoi "you've necessarily become better" est maladroit, mais j'ai quand même modifié

EXPRESSION N°2:

To obtain all that you want in life, it is necessary to give yourself the means to succeed. You must set only one objective at the same time (not all of them at once) and always stay the course. Reach the end of your dream.
You should study all the parameters, ask for advice, surround yourself with qualified people, seize your chance. Never lose sight of your goal!
Willpower, courage, patience and faith are the keys to turn work into success. Luck can also help...
Without ever getting discouraged, move forward, start again, question yourself, take advantage of your failures and continue without ceasing.
Sometimes, administrative services or bad luck can hold you back. Never give up. Aim for the stars. Everything happens in the end.
Man has walked on the moon, hasn't he?

EXPRESSION N° 3.

Thinking that every time you make an effort, it will pay off is enjoyable. When you work, you think you are going to have a reward. However, it’s not always like that. Sometimes, you work and work, you study but you have bad marks or you make more mistakes and you may be desperate. At the beginning, you don’t make any progress… or if you do, it is very small. You have to do it again and again, and shouldn't pay too much attention to the bad marks you are given. You have to be persevering. Not everybody makes regular progress. It’s necessary to work hard on a daily basis and perhaps to try different learning approaches. 150

EXPRESSION N°4.

When I was little, my encouraging parents always let me to believe that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. It turned out to shape my personality : I have become a determined boy wanting to have success (and even to be the best, the first, the strongest…)
Unlike my parents, life has taught me realities, not principles. Sometimes you crave for something, but you bang your head against the wall and are disappointed. You think you're a failure.
Of course, you must do as well as you can, but shouldn't think you are invincible and can do it all… Reality with all its dark aspects (illnesses, viruses, accidents, etc.) and ill luck can stand in the way… (109)

Réponse : RYB/let's suggest 5 de here4u, postée le 13-01-2022 à 12:35:24 (S | E)
Hello Maxwell (one of the Workers ), and you All (the readers!),

I know, because you've told me, that some of you are tempted to "correct", or feel like suggesting, but don't dare to do it... Some even find quite unpleasant to be "judged" or even to be what they consider is "humiliated" by volunteer correctors... Please, be sure that the suggestions made on this site are always given in a friendly way, to help, not to judge!(and I'll stick to anonymity to persuade you that there's nothing personal. Corrections can be done anonymously too, through mps sent to me...)
As I have just written, we just give "suggestions" of what can be said or written, but not necessarily THE only way to express an idea or a fact. I hope every one is persuaded that this is true!

Congrats, Maxwell for your Follow up Work! (which is done extremely well.)

Now, for the additional question:
Je n'ai pas tellement compris en quoi "you've necessarily become better" est maladroit, mais j'ai quand même modifié
et tu as modifié en : you get so much better Désolée, mais pour moi, (mais peut-être pour moi seulement ... ), c'est la même chose. Lorsque tu dis "you get better", je vois un jugement sur la personne ... C'est le comparatif de "good" (=> better=> the best) que j'opposerais à "bad"/ or evil. Je n'ai pas envie de laisser croire que faire des efforts rend les gens meilleurs ... (C'est sans doute vrai, mais c'est un autre sujet !) Ce qui est sûr, c'est que si tu fais de réels efforts, si tu es vraiment motivé pour quelque chose, tu vas faire des progrès en cette chose (et peut-être aussi dans ton attitude face à l'adversité, mais c'est une autre histoire. J'utiliserais donc plutôt : make efforts in... (plus circonscrit) et to make progress.

J'espère que tu comprendras où je voulais en venir ... Merci de ton investissement.

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