Let's Suggest/33

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Let's Suggest/33
Message de here4u posté le 22-02-2023 à 22:54:18 (S | E | F)
Hello, dear workers!

Here is the new topic for you to write about. I hope many will participate enthusiastically, and that you'll do it as well as ever...

You mustn't be afraid of making mistakes... We LOVE mistakes, because they give us an opportunity to explain and correct!

Here is today's topic:
«Valentine’s Day»… On the 14th of February? You must be kidding… Like «Mother’s day»… it shouldn’t be celebrated only on one (commercial) day a year, but on any and every day, throughout the year… Let’s do that!
Therefore, you’re going to write a few words to your loved one, or to your best friend, celebrating your love or friendship… (130 to 150 words)

Voici le rappel des modalités de la première partie de l'exercice :
1. Je vous demande une EXPRESSION sur le sujet proposé à m’envoyer en mp dès que possible …
2. Le plus tôt possible, cette première expression sera publiée sur le Forum, et CHACUN sera libre de « corriger » UNE FOIS ( en collant le texte et indiquant les erreurs EN BLEU, et en soulignant ce qui vous semble maladroit et que vous voudriez changer, sans donner la « correction » (forme correcte), à ce moment là, comme il se doit.) Si un autre membre a déjà indiqué des erreurs en bleu, VOUS DEVEZ repartir de cette correction et la confirmer ou la corriger ... Un seul devoir à la fois sera publié pour corriger … Vous pourrez ensuite donner vos suggestions de correction (en vert!)

IMPORTANT ! Pour me faciliter le transfert des corrections successives de vos travaux sur le site, pourriez vous m'indiquer par un "(" le mot ou segment de phrase qui devrai(en)t être modifié(s), s'il vous plaît ?
ie. (I'm repeating for years... ou (was not only to want something,... Pourquoi ? Simplement parce que le site ne "garde" pas les indications de couleurs ou de soulignement etc. dès que l'on copie ... Donc, je prends vos travaux, je les corrige avec les codes "bleu" ou "souligné" ou "vert", mais au moment où je vous poste la correction, je perds tout mon travail ... et dois tout refaire mot à mot en direct avec deux fenêtres ou même deux écrans pour un travail fastidieux de copie point par point ... Merci de votre aide !

Les modalités complètes sont accessibles sur le lien suivant :
Lien internet

( Je vous les rappellerai au fur et à mesure de la progression du travail )
Cet exercice sera ... ce que vous en ferez : ou ou ** Do your best, I trust You!
Correction en ligne le vendredi 10 mars 2023.
J'attends vos envois en mp et publierai le premier dès que possible.

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU and with US!

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de here4u, postée le 25-02-2023 à 11:38:07 (S | E)
Hello, dear Writers and correctors!

EXPRESSION N°1: please, indicate possible mistakes and underline what you think is clumsy...

My love,
I take my pen to tell you how I love you.
There is nothing I love more than spending time with you, and above all staying lying against your strong but gentle body.
Each moment with you is a joy.
The world is more beautiful, I feel secure and confident when you are close to me.
I am so proud of you, you are the best thing in my life.
Now I can understand the meaning of this Rosemonde Gerard's poem :
"Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow"
It's exactly that:The more I know you, the more I am discovering a new aspect of your personality which delights me.
You take care of me very well, I appreciate all that you do for me.
I have loved you, I am loving you, I will
love you forever. Your lover.❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ( 153 mots)

Thanks for your help!

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de amalia80, postée le 25-02-2023 à 12:45:35 (S | E)
Hello !

EXPRESSION N°1: please, indicate possible mistakes and underline what you think is clumsy...

My love,
( I take my pen to tell you how (x I love you.
There is nothing I love more than spending time with you, and ( above all staying lying against your strong but gentle body.
Each moment with you is a joy.
The world is more beautiful, I feel (secure and confident when you are close to me.
I am so proud of you, you are the best thing in my life.
Now I can understand the meaning of this Rosemonde Gerard's poem :
'Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow'
It's exactly that:The more I know you, the more I ( am discovering a new aspect of your personality which delights me.
You take care of me very well, I appreciate all that you do for me.
I have loved you, I am loving you, I will
love you forever. Your lover.❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ( 153 mots)

This is a beautiful declaration of love! ❤️

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de here4u, postée le 27-02-2023 à 20:58:16 (S | E)
Hello dears,

Green allowed!

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de magie8, postée le 28-02-2023 à 02:50:41 (S | E)
My love,
( I am writing you to tell you how (much I love you.
There is nothing I love more than spending time with you, and (in particular staying lying against your strong but gentle body.
Each moment with you is a joy.
The world is more beautiful, I feel (safee and confident when you are close to me.
I am so proud of you, you are the best thing in my life.
Now I can understand the meaning of this Rosemonde Gerard's poem :
'Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow'
It's exactly that:The more I know you, the more I ( discover a new aspect of your personality which delights me.
You take care of me very well, I appreciate all that you do for me.
I have loved you, I am loving you, I will
love you forever. Your lover.❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ( 153 mots)

Hello , j 'ai fait les corrections d' après les indications d' Amalia, personnellement je ne sais pas trouver les fautes sans que cela ne me prenne 5 heures et encore j'en laisse.
Merci Amalia

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de amalia80, postée le 28-02-2023 à 08:57:04 (S | E)
Hello!
Expression 1 :Suggestions
My love,
( I want you to know how (much I love you.
There is nothing I love more than spending time with you, and ( especially lying against your strong but gentle body.
Each moment with you is a joy.
The world is more beautiful, I feel ( safe and confident when you are close to me.
I am so proud of you, you are the best thing in my life.
Now I can understand the meaning of this Rosemonde Gerard's poem :
'Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow'
It's exactly that:The more I know you, the more I ( discover a new aspect of your personality which delights me.
You take care of me very well, I appreciate ( everything you do for me.
I loved you, I ( love you, I will
love you forever. Your lover.❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ( 153 mots)

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de here4u, postée le 01-03-2023 à 21:58:04 (S | E)
Hello, dear readers and correctors...

Here is EXPRESSION N°2: please, indicate possible mistakes in blue, and underline what looks clumsy;

To my darling husband :
After nearly sixty years together, I would like to wish you a special Valentine's day.
You are old, and I am not young either. Your beautiful brown curls have gone grey, and my blond hair has turned white. Our faces are wrinkled, and our bodies tired .
But Love still remains because it sees with its heart!
Younger, we were crazy, free and happy. We walked through Europe without worrying about our future. Today, we still walk hand in hand, each helping the other along the way.
Our Love has grown and changed, but it still remains ,and becomes tenderness.
You are the one who saw in me what others didn't see, and I guessed what you didn't dare to tell me.
"You are the sunshine of my life,☀️
I'm the sun of your nights!"
Some have sung these words, but I will shout them out, because I love you Darling! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

for your help!

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de here4u, postée le 04-03-2023 à 10:29:38 (S | E)
Nobody?

Have a go !

Green allowed tomorrow morning

On dirait que tout le monde est encore en vacances... ou déjà en grève...

Une petite stimulation supplémentaire :
Je vous mets "le bleu" pour mieux vous guider... mais il est vrai que cette EXPRESSION est très très bonne !
Here's my love declaration.
To my darling husband:
After nearly sixty years together, I would like to wish you a special Valentine's day.
You are old, and I am not young either. Your beautiful brown curls have gone grey, and my blond hair has turned white. TTB Our faces are wrinkled, and our bodies tired .
But Love still remains because it sees with its heart!
Younger, we were crazy, free and happy. We walked through Europe without worrying about our future. Today, we still walk hand in hand, each helping the other along the way.
Our Love has grown and changed, but it still remains( ,and becomes(temps ?) tenderness.
You are the one who saw in me what others didn't see, and I guessed what you didn't dare to tell me.
"You are the sunshine of my life,☀
I'm the sun of your nights!"
Some have sung these words, but I will shout them out, because I love you Darling! ❤️

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de here4u, postée le 06-03-2023 à 21:56:52 (S | E)
Hello, dears!

Voici l'EXPRESSION N°3: please, indicate possible mistakes in blue and underline what looks clumsy...

To my best friend…
We have been together in nursery school … we were neigbours and plaid together for years. We undersood ourself , but squabbled one another without end … We don’t look like the other at all ; you are tall and strong, and I’m not tall and plump.
You are outward-looking and I was shy and reserved. But little by little you changed me …for the best, I think. You helped me so much with your advices, and just looking at you do things and fighting all the time to be strong. You helped me when I was down … end go through some big difficulties of my life, and I think I helped you too every time you needded it (I tried). Now you built your own carreer and family and I try to do it too. The life didn’t separate us : we’re yet neigbours and we receive our families regularly.
I’m very glad you’re in my life and I’m yet in yours. 165 words.

Thanks for your help.

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de amalia80, postée le 07-03-2023 à 06:56:00 (S | E)
Hello!
Expression 2 suggestions

Here's my declaration of love
To my darling husband:
After nearly sixty years together, I would like to wish you a special Valentine's day.
You are old, and I am not young either. Your beautiful brown curls have gone grey, and my blond hair has turned white. TTB Our faces are wrinkled, and our bodies tired .
But Love still remains because it sees with its heart!
Younger, we were crazy, free and happy. We walked through Europe without worrying about our future. Today, we still walk hand in hand, each helping the other along the way.
Our Love has grown and changed, but it still remains and( has become tenderness.
You are the one who saw in me what others didn't see, and I guessed what you didn't dare to tell me.
"You are the sunshine of my life,
I'm the sun of your nights!"
Some have sung these words, but I will shout them out, because I love you Darling! ❤️

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de amalia80, postée le 07-03-2023 à 08:35:03 (S | E)
Hello!
l'EXPRESSION N°3: possible mistakes in blue and underline what looks clumsy...

To my best friend…
We(have been together'in nursery school … We were neigbours and (plaid together for years. We(undersood (ourself , but (squabbled one another without end … We don’t look like ( the other at all ; you are tall and strong, and I’m not tall and plump.
You are ( outward looking and I was shy and reserved. But little by little you changed me …for ( the best, I think. You helped me so much with your advices, and just looking at you do things and fighting all the time to be strong. You helped me when I was down … ( end go through some big difficulties (of my life, and I think I helped you too every time you (needded it (I tried). Now you built your own carreer and family and I try to do it too. ( The life didn’t separate us : we’re ( yet neigbours and we receive our families regularly.
I’m very glad you’re in my life and I’m( yet in yours. 165 words.

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de here4u, postée le 08-03-2023 à 09:46:37 (S | E)
Hello,

Green allowed tomorrow morning!

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de amalia80, postée le 09-03-2023 à 09:54:28 (S | E)
Hello!
l'EXPRESSION N°3: suggestions..

To my best friend…
We(went to nursery school together… We were neigbours and ( played together for years. We( understood eachother , but ( we were always squabbling … We don’t look like at all ; you are tall and strong, and I’m not tall and plump.
You are ( open to the world and I was shy and reserved. But little by little you changed me …for (the better , I think. You helped me so much with your advices, and just looking at you do things and fighting all the time to be strong. You helped me when I was down … ( and I went through some big difficulties ( in my life, and I think I helped you too ( whenever you ( needed it (I tried). Now you( have built your own carreer and family and I try to do it too. ( Life has not separated us : we’re ( still neigbours and we receive our families regularly.
I’m very glad you’re in my life and I’m( still in yours. 165 words.

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de here4u, postée le 10-03-2023 à 22:05:26 (S | E)
Hello dears,

Voici les corrections de vos EXPRESSIONS. Je n'avais pas grand chose à rajouter à vos suggestions qui n'étaient pas nombreuses non plus... En d'autres termes, vos travaux initiaux étaient bons, très bons... La troisième EXPRESSION a encore besoin d'un peu de travail...

EXPRESSION N°1: initial text and my preliminary remarks.

My love,
I take my pen to tell you how I love you.
There is nothing I love more than spending time with you, and above all staying lying against your strong but gentle body.
Each moment with you is a joy.
The world is more beautiful(more than what ?OK ! nous avons la réponse en fin de phrase… un peu tard !), I feel (more ?) secure and confident when you are close to me.
I am so proud of you, you are the best thing in my life.
Now I can understand the meaning of this Rosemonde Gerard's poem :
"Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow"
It's exactly that:The more I know you, the more I am discovering a new aspect of your personality which delights me.
You take care of me very well, I appreciate all that you do for me.
I have loved you, I am loving you, I will love you forever. Your lover. ( 153 mots)
Une très bonne EXPRESSION ;

EXPRESSION N°1: indications N°1:

My love,
(I take my pen to tell you how (x I love you.
There is nothing I love more than spending time with you, and (above all staying lying against your strong but gentle body.
Each moment with you is a joy.
The world is more beautiful, I feel (secure and confident when you are close to me.
I am so proud of you, you are the best thing in my life.
Now I can understand the meaning of (this Rosemonde Gerard's poem:
'Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow'
It's exactly that:The more I know you, the more I (am discovering a new aspect of your personality which delights me.
You take care of me very well, I appreciate all that you do for me.
I have loved you, I am loving you, I will love you forever. Your lover.❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ( 153 mots)

This is a beautiful declaration of love! ❤️TB. Bonne correction aussi.

EXPRESSION N°1:Suggestions N°1
My love,
( I am (writing you to tell you how (much I love you.
There is nothing I love more than spending time with you, and (in particular staying/ remaining lying against your strong but gentle body.
Each moment with you is a joy.
The world is more beautiful, I feel (safee? safer? and confident when you are close to me.
I am so proud of you, you are the best thing in my life.
Now I can understand the meaning of (this Rosemonde Gerard's poem:
'Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow'
It's exactly that:The more I know you, the more I (discover a new aspect B of your personality which delights me.
You take care of me very well, I appreciate all that you do for me.
I have loved you, I am loving you, I will love you forever. Your lover.❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ( 153 mots)

Expression 1: Suggestions N°2:
My love,
(I want you to know how (much I love you.B
There is nothing I love more than spending time with you, and (especially lying against your strong but gentle body.
Each moment with you is a joy.
The world is more beautiful, I feel (safe and confident when you are close to me.
I am so proud of you, you are the best thing in my life.
Now I can understand the meaning of (this Rosemonde Gerard's poem:
'Each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow'
It's exactly that:The more I know you, the more I (discover a new aspect of your personality which delights me.
You take care of me very well, I appreciate (everything you do for me.B
I loved you, I (love you**, I will love you forever. Your lover.❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ( 153 mots)TTB

- * ~~«of this Rosemonde Gerard's poem »~~ : this poem by RG/ this play by Shakespeare/ mais … of Rosemonde Gerard’s poem
- To write TO somebody, mais to phone somebody.
- ** I loved you, I (love you**, I will love me gêne un peu... je crois que je préciserais les verbes avec des adverbes qui rendront la phrase plus claire et moins sèche.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

EXPRESSION N°2 : initial text and my remarks
Here's my love declaration.

To my darling husband:
After nearly sixty years together, I would like to wish you a special Valentine's day.
You are old, and I am not young either. Your beautiful brown curls have gone grey, and my blond hair has turned white. TTB Our faces are wrinkled, and our bodies tired.
But Love still remains because it sees with its heart!
Younger, we were crazy, free and happy. We walked through Europe without worrying about our future. Today, we still walk hand in hand, each helping the other along the way.
Our Love has grown and changed, but it still remains( ,and becomes(temps ?*) tenderness.
You are the one who saw in me what others didn't see, and I guessed what you didn't dare to tell me.
"You are the sunshine of my life,☀
I'm the sun of your nights!"
Some have sung these words, but I will shout them out, because I love you Darling! ❤️

EXPRESSION N°2: Suggestions N°1
Here's my declaration of love
To my darling husband:
After nearly sixty years together, I would like to wish you a special Valentine's day.
You are old, and I am not young either. Your beautiful brown curls have gone grey, and my blond hair has turned white. TTB Our faces are wrinkled, and our bodies tired.
But Love still remains because it sees with its heart!
Younger, we were crazy, free and happy. We walked through Europe without worrying about our future. Today, we still walk hand in hand, each helping the other along the way.
Our Love has grown and changed, but it still remains and (has become tenderness.
You are the one who saw in me what others didn't see, and I guessed what you didn't dare to tell me.
"You are the sunshine of my life,
I'm the sun of your nights!"
Some have sung these words, but I will shout them out, because I love you Darling! ❤️ Très très bonne EXPRESSION.

Here’s my declaration of love
Here’s the declaration of my love
I declare my love
- Le temps ? il faut, de toute évidence un present perfect de bilan d’action.
TTBonne expression.TB correction.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

EXPRESSION N°3: initial text and preliminary remarks.

To my best friend…
We have been together (in nursery school … we were (neigbours and (plaid together for years. We (undersood (ourself , but squabbled (one another) (without end …(We don’t look like the other at all ; you are tall and strong, and I’m (not tall and plump.
You are (outward-looking and I was shy and reserved. But little by little you (changed me …(for the best, I think. You helped me so much with your (advices, and just (looking at you do things and (fighting all the time to be strong. You helped me when I was down … ( end go ? through some big difficulties of my life, and I think I helped you too(ponctuation) every time you needded it (I tried). Now you (built your own carreer and family and I (try to do it too. (The life (didn’t separate us : we’re (yet neigbours and (we receive our families regularly. [not very clear!]
I’m very glad you’re in my life and I’m (yet in yours. 168

De gros problèmes de temps… S’arrêter à chaque verbe et réfléchir à sa valeur…

EXPRESSION N°3: indications N°1

To my best friend…
We(have been together'in nursery school … We were neigbours and (plaid together for years. We(undersood (ourself , but (squabbled one another without end … We don’t look like (the other at all ; you are tall and strong, and I’m not tall and plump.
You are (outward looking and I was shy and reserved. But little by little you changed me …for (the best, I think. You helped me so much with your advices, and just looking at you do things and fighting all the time to be strong. You helped me when I was down … (end go through some big difficulties (of my life, and I think I helped you too every time you (needded it (I tried). Now you built your own carreer and family and I try to do it too. (The life didn’t separate us : we’re (yet neigbours and we receive our families regularly.
I’m very glad you’re in my life and I’m( yet in yours. 165 words.

Les principales fautes sont indiquées. Bonne correction.

EXPRESSION N°3: suggestions.

To my best friend…
We(went to nursery school together… We were neigbours and (played (1)together for years. We (understood each other , but (we were always squabbling … (2)We don’t look like at all ???(3) [I'm not sure I understand]; you are tall and strong, and I’m not tall (4)and plump.
You are (open to the world and I was shy and reserved(5). But little by little you changed (le temps ne convient pas...)me …for (the better , I think. You helped me so much with your advices, and just looking at you (pas "regarder" au sens de look...) do things and fighting (6)all the time to be strong. You helped (temps?)me when I was down … (and I went through some big difficulties (in my life, and I think I helped you too (whenever you (needed it (I tried). Now you( have built your own carreer and family and I try (temps!) to do it too. ( Life has not separated us : we’re ( still neigbours and we receive our families regularly.(expression très maladroite)
I’m very glad you’re in my life and I’m( still in yours. 165 words.

(1) Oui ! "play" est régulier (mais "pay, paid paid" est irrégulier!) D'accord pour le preterite dans cette phrase.
(2) or "we kept squabbling"
(3) a besoin d'être amélioré...
(4) remplacer "not tall" par un adjectif...
(5) concordance des temps à revoir.
De bonnes corrections des temps. et bravo... quelques passages du texte restent encore maladroits et obscurs
(6) les verbes "do" et "fight" doivent être à la même forme...

- Se chamailler : to bicker/ to squabble/
Brothers and sisters bicker all the time.
- Lien internet

- Lien internet

- Il existe les deux expressions : for the best// for the better (plus commun) qui n’ont pas tout à fait le même sens.
Lien internet

Lien internet

Lien internet

There we are... Je peux suggérer un Follow up Work éventuel de tout ou partie de l'EXPRESSION N°3 qui n'est pas encore vraiment satisfaisante. Ce travail n'est pas urgent... Encore et

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de amalia80, postée le 13-03-2023 à 14:00:39 (S | E)
Hello!
Expression 3 suggestions

To my best friend…
We(went to nursery school together… We lived next door and (played (1)together for years. We (understood each other , but (we were always squabbling … (2)We (are physically very different; you are tall and strong, and I’m ( small and plump.
You( were (open to the world ( whileI was shy and reserved. But little by little you
( have changed me …for (the better , I think. You helped me so much with your ( advice, and just ( by watching you ( doing things and fighting (all the time to be strong. You ( have helped me when I was down and through some big difficulties (in my life. ( I tried to do the same whenever you needed it . Now you( have succeeded in your professional life and ( founded a family. I ( 'm trying (temps!) to do it too. ( Life has not separated us : we ( still( live next door and we ( regularly invite each other
I’m very glad you’re in my life and I’m( still in yours. 165 words.

Réponse : Let's Suggest/33 de here4u, postée le 13-03-2023 à 23:29:06 (S | E)
Hello dears,

Expression 3: Follow up Work 1

To my best friend…
We(went to nursery school together… We lived next door (1)and (played together for years. We (understood each other, but (we were always squabbling… (2) We (are(3) physically very different; you are tall and strong, and I’m (small and plump.
You( were (open to the world (outgoing? an extrovert?) ( whileI was shy and reserved. But little by little you (have changed me …for (the better, I think. You helped me so much with your (advice(indénombrable pluriel), and just (by watching you (doing things and fighting(I'd write: "do things and struggle"...)(all the time to be strong. You (have helped me when I was down and through some big difficulties (in my life. (I tried to do the same whenever you needed it . Now you( have succeeded in your professional life and ( founded a family. I ( 'm trying (temps!) to do it too.(Ah!!! I've just understood... ) (Life has not separated us : we (still(live next door(1) and we (regularly invite each other.
I’m very glad you’re in my life and I’m(still in yours. 165 words. Une très bonne correction. de ce bon travail.

(1) Attention : là le segment de phrase signifie que "we" (au moins deux personnes)demeuraient à côté de quelqu'un d'autre.
je n'avais rien contre "nous étions voisins" ... sauf une faute d'orthographe à "voisins" !(facile à corriger !)
(2) comporte une nuance d'irritation... pourquoi pas, simplement, "we kept squabbling"?
(3) pas certaine que les temps soient exacts... Pourquoi conserver le présent alors que l'auteur parle clairement de faits passés ? les présents pourraient convenir (si l'on parle de faits présents qui ont persisté...), mais ils choquent au milieu de phrases au passé (si l'on garde les présents, en faire un paragraphe séparé ?)

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