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Message de flori10 posté le 23-08-2024 à 15:40:03 (S | E | F)
Hello !!
In order to improve my English, I have written the following short story. I would like to know where my mistakes are. Here is the story:
Had Brian climbed more carefully, he might not have fallen off the tree and would not have broken his left leg.
Katy was itching to climb the tree as well but after Brian's accident she didn't have the opportunity to do so. Instead, she quickly had to call an ambulance.
Everybody needs an ambulance in case of a broken leg. Although Brian's wailing on the phone was a bit exagerated, it helped to make the ambulance arrive more quickly.
In the hospital, Brian had the opportunity to meet very nice nurses who took good care of him while he was being examined. He even became friends with one of them.
Her name was Sonja and her blue eyes were as beautiful as the moon. Or at least, Brian forgot completely about his broken limb when he looked at her smile.
Although Katy was glad that Brian got the help he needed, she was not that pleased and frowned upon his new friendship with Sonja, because secretly she was in love with Brian.
To keep Brian away from Sonja, Katy told Brian that she knew the story of a nurse who had only been friendly to her patients in order to be mentioned in their testament.
"Were I to keep this a secret from you, I would worry that your feelings get hurt if Sonja turns out to be this nurse. I'm trying to protect you!" said Katy when Brian didn't believe her.
But Brian didn't really listen to this nonsense and itched to bond with Sonja whose eyes he was in love with.
Katy was used to Brian not listening to her but she was stubborn and decided to investigate about Sonja to make sure she was a good person.
"Should it turn out that the nurse Sonja was guilty, Brian would surely abandon her and maybe she had a chance then again. So Katy started her investigations by talking to the old students of Sonja's.
By the time, one of Sonja's old patients agreed to talk to her, Brian had already asked the nurse out on a date. So Katy had to hurry if she wanted to prevent his friend falling completely in love with Sonja.
That first old patient Katy talked to had once been a breathtaking young women, but not any more after she had fallen face foward from a tree and had arrived at the hospital with her face covered with scars and blue and yellow bruises.
Katy felt sympathy for this poor woman instantly. Her name was Amanda and she had an incredible story to tell about nurse Sonja. Katy was so excited that she even took notes about every word Amanda told her.
The accusations of Amanda were as follows:
Amanda had been told lies by Sonja
Amanada had been fooled by Sonja
Amanda had not been given food by Sonja but Sonja had eaten it all herself
And this list went on and on....
By dinner time, Katy had a notebook full of the accusations about Sonja. The worst one was that she gave the wrong medication to Amanda because she was jealous of Amanda's beauty. These pills didn't help her injuries to heal but on the contrary, they made it worse and created a lot of scars.
If Amanda hadn't been that poorly treated by Sonja, her scars and bruises might have healed more quickly. By this time, it all didn't matter, because Amanda had regained her gorgeous beauty simply by leaving the hospital and getting back to healthy nutrition.
After finishing the conversation and thanking Amanda for her time, Katy hurried back to the hospital. She pranced into Brian's room, eager to tell him the news that she had discovered that afternoon.
When Brian heard all of this, despite of his broken limb, he jumped fiercely out of this bed
and looked for the nurse. Having found her, he spat in front of her and said: "I have just heard about the story of how you treated Amanda! That behaviour of yours is really disgusting! Keep far away from me!"
Sonja didn't like how Brian talked to her so she had him and Katy thrown out of the hospital. Katy was over the moon that Brian was no longer in love with Sonja and she had a chance again to seduce him.
"Let's go to a restaurant, then home." She suggested and so they went to celebrate their friendship with a nice dinner.
To be continued...
Message de flori10 posté le 23-08-2024 à 15:40:03 (S | E | F)
Hello !!
In order to improve my English, I have written the following short story. I would like to know where my mistakes are. Here is the story:
Had Brian climbed more carefully, he might not have fallen off the tree and would not have broken his left leg.
Katy was itching to climb the tree as well but after Brian's accident she didn't have the opportunity to do so. Instead, she quickly had to call an ambulance.
Everybody needs an ambulance in case of a broken leg. Although Brian's wailing on the phone was a bit exagerated, it helped to make the ambulance arrive more quickly.
In the hospital, Brian had the opportunity to meet very nice nurses who took good care of him while he was being examined. He even became friends with one of them.
Her name was Sonja and her blue eyes were as beautiful as the moon. Or at least, Brian forgot completely about his broken limb when he looked at her smile.
Although Katy was glad that Brian got the help he needed, she was not that pleased and frowned upon his new friendship with Sonja, because secretly she was in love with Brian.
To keep Brian away from Sonja, Katy told Brian that she knew the story of a nurse who had only been friendly to her patients in order to be mentioned in their testament.
"Were I to keep this a secret from you, I would worry that your feelings get hurt if Sonja turns out to be this nurse. I'm trying to protect you!" said Katy when Brian didn't believe her.
But Brian didn't really listen to this nonsense and itched to bond with Sonja whose eyes he was in love with.
Katy was used to Brian not listening to her but she was stubborn and decided to investigate about Sonja to make sure she was a good person.
"Should it turn out that the nurse Sonja was guilty, Brian would surely abandon her and maybe she had a chance then again. So Katy started her investigations by talking to the old students of Sonja's.
By the time, one of Sonja's old patients agreed to talk to her, Brian had already asked the nurse out on a date. So Katy had to hurry if she wanted to prevent his friend falling completely in love with Sonja.
That first old patient Katy talked to had once been a breathtaking young women, but not any more after she had fallen face foward from a tree and had arrived at the hospital with her face covered with scars and blue and yellow bruises.
Katy felt sympathy for this poor woman instantly. Her name was Amanda and she had an incredible story to tell about nurse Sonja. Katy was so excited that she even took notes about every word Amanda told her.
The accusations of Amanda were as follows:
Amanda had been told lies by Sonja
Amanada had been fooled by Sonja
Amanda had not been given food by Sonja but Sonja had eaten it all herself
And this list went on and on....
By dinner time, Katy had a notebook full of the accusations about Sonja. The worst one was that she gave the wrong medication to Amanda because she was jealous of Amanda's beauty. These pills didn't help her injuries to heal but on the contrary, they made it worse and created a lot of scars.
If Amanda hadn't been that poorly treated by Sonja, her scars and bruises might have healed more quickly. By this time, it all didn't matter, because Amanda had regained her gorgeous beauty simply by leaving the hospital and getting back to healthy nutrition.
After finishing the conversation and thanking Amanda for her time, Katy hurried back to the hospital. She pranced into Brian's room, eager to tell him the news that she had discovered that afternoon.
When Brian heard all of this, despite of his broken limb, he jumped fiercely out of this bed
and looked for the nurse. Having found her, he spat in front of her and said: "I have just heard about the story of how you treated Amanda! That behaviour of yours is really disgusting! Keep far away from me!"
Sonja didn't like how Brian talked to her so she had him and Katy thrown out of the hospital. Katy was over the moon that Brian was no longer in love with Sonja and she had a chance again to seduce him.
"Let's go to a restaurant, then home." She suggested and so they went to celebrate their friendship with a nice dinner.
To be continued...
Réponse : Errors/ my story de gerondif, postée le 24-08-2024 à 12:32:31 (S | E)
Hello !
Had Brian climbed more carefully, he might not have fallen off the tree and would not have broken his left leg.
Katy was itching to climb the tree as well but after Brian's accident she didn't have the opportunity to do so. Instead, she quickly had to call an ambulance.
Everybody needs an ambulance in case of a broken leg. Although Brian's wailing on the phone was a bit exagerated, it helped to make the ambulance arrive more quickly.
In the hospital, Brian had the opportunity to meet very nice nurses who took good care of him while he was being examined. He even became friends with one of them.
Her name was Sonja and her blue eyes were as beautiful as the moon. Or at least, Brian forgot completely about his broken limb when he looked at her smile.
Although Katy was glad that Brian got the help he needed, she was not that pleased and frowned upon his new friendship with Sonja, because secretly she was in love with Brian.
To keep Brian away from Sonja, Katy told Brian that she knew the story of a nurse who had only been friendly to her patients in order to be mentioned in their testament.
"Were I to keep this a secret from you, I would worry that your feelings get hurt if Sonja turns out to be this nurse. I'm trying to protect you!" said Katy when Brian didn't believe her.
But Brian didn't really listen to this nonsense and itched to bond with Sonja whose eyes he was in love with.
Katy was used to Brian not listening to her but she was stubborn and decided to investigate about Sonja to make sure she was a good person.
"Should it turn out that the nurse Sonja was guilty, Brian would surely abandon her and maybe she had( she would have) a chance then again ( again, then) So Katy started her investigations by talking to the old students of Sonja's.
By the time, one of Sonja's old patients agreed to talk to her, Brian had already asked the nurse out on a date. So Katy had to hurry if she wanted to prevent his friend FROM falling completely in love with Sonja.
That first old patient Katy talked to had once been a breathtaking young women( womAn) but not any more after she had fallen face foward from a tree and had arrived at the hospital with her face covered with scars and blue and yellow bruises.
Katy felt sympathy for this poor woman instantly. Her name was Amanda and she had an incredible story to tell about nurse Sonja. Katy was so excited that she even took notes about every word Amanda told her.
The accusations of Amanda were as follows:
Amanda had been told lies by Sonja.
Amanada had been fooled by Sonja.
Amanda had not been given food by Sonja but Sonja had eaten it all herself
And this list went on and on....
By dinner time, Katy had a notebook full of the accusations about Sonja. The worst one was that she gave (had given) the wrong medication to Amanda because she was jealous of Amanda's beauty. These pills didn't help her injuries to heal but on the contrary, they made it worse and created a lot of scars.
If Amanda hadn't been that poorly treated by Sonja, her scars and bruises might have healed more quickly. By this time, it all didn't matter, because Amanda had regained her gorgeous beauty simply by leaving the hospital and getting back to healthy nutrition.
After finishing the conversation and thanking Amanda for her time, Katy hurried back to the hospital. She pranced into Brian's room, eager to tell him the news that she had discovered that afternoon.
When Brian heard all of this, despite of ( in spite of his broken limb / despite his broken limb)his broken limb, he jumped fiercely out of this (his) bed and looked for the nurse. Having found her, he spat in front of her and said: "I have just heard about the story of how you treated Amanda! That behaviour of yours is really disgusting! Keep far away from me!"
Sonja didn't like how Brian ( had) talked to her so she had him and Katy thrown out of the hospital. Katy was over the moon that Brian was no longer in love with Sonja and she had a chance again ( another chance to seduce him again)to seduce him.
"Let's go to a restaurant, then home." She suggested and so they went to celebrate their friendship with a nice dinner.
To be continued...
Réponse : Errors/ my story de gerold, postée le 24-08-2024 à 15:23:53 (S | E)
Hello!
Some more remarks:
Everybody needs an ambulance in case of a broken leg. Although Brian's wailing on the phone was a bit exaggerated, ... s with one of them.
... Although Katy was glad that Brian had got the help he needed ...
To keep Brian away from Sonja, Katy told Brian/him that she knew the story of a nurse ...
"Were I to keep this
... So Katy started her investigations by talking to the old students?? patients ? of Sonja's.
By the time, (remove comma) one of Sonja's old patients agreed to talk to her ....
... but not any more after she had fallen face forward from a tree and ...
Aman
... These pills didn't help her injuries to heal but on the contrary
... Having found her, he spat in front of her and said: "I have just heard (about) (the story of) how you treated Amanda! ... (simply: just heard how ...)
Réponse : Errors/ my story de flori10, postée le 24-08-2024 à 19:39:01 (S | E)
Thanks a lot!
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