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La fillette (correction)
Message de diadia10 posté le 04-11-2007 à 01:26:58 (S | E | F | I)
salut j'ai un thème à faire et j'aimerais que vous me donniez un petit coup de main en corrigeant ma traduction s'il vous plaît.( concernant surtout les temps)
voici le texte:
La fillette fut la première à entendre le coup puissant contre la porte. Sa chambre était la plus proche de l'entrée de l'appartement. Dans la confusion du sommeil, elle avait d'abord pensé que c'était son père qui revenait de la cave où il se cachait, qu'il avait dû oublier ses clefs et insistait parce que personne ne l'avait entendu quand il avait frappé discrètement.
Mais bientôt des voix s'élevèrent dans le silence de la nuit, fortes et brutales. Ce n'était pas son père. << Police ! Ouvrez ! Tout de suite ! >> Le martèlement reprit, plus fort encore. Vibrant jusque dans la moelle de ses os. << Police ! Ouvrez ! Ouvrez ! >> Quelle heure était-il ? Elle jeta un coup d'oeil entre les rideaux. Il faisait encore sombre.
Elle avait peur. Elle pensait à ces conversations, ces murmures nocturnes, que ses parents avaient échangés croyant qu'elle dormait. Mais elle avait tout entendu. [...] Son père avait dit tout bas que les temps à venir seraient difficiles. Qu'il faudrait être courageux et très prudent.
Son père, toujours très bas, avait ajouté que seuls les hommes étaient en danger, que les femmes et les enfants n'avaient rien à craindre, et qu'il irait donc chaque soir se cacher.
Tatiana da Roseray,Elle s'appelait Sarah,2006
et voici ma traduction :
The little girl was the first one to hear the loud knock at the door. Her bedroom was the nearest one to the flat entry. In the confusion of the sleeping, she had first thought that it was her father coming back from the cellar where he had been hidden, that he must have forgetten his keys and that he was insisting on knocking for nobody had heard him when he had knocked discretly.
But soon some loud and rude voices raised in the still of the night. It was not her father. << Police ! Open that door ! Right now ! >> The knocking resumed even more louder. It was vibrating till the girl's bone marrow. << Police ! Open ! Open ! >> What time was it ? She caught a glance between the curtains. It was still dark.
She was scared. She thought about those conversations, those nightly mutters that her parents had exchanged, thinking that she was asleep. but she had heard everything. [...] Her father had whispered that times to come would be difficult. That they would have to be courageous and very carreful.
Her father, still in a mutter had added that only men were in danger, that women and children had nothing to fear and that he would go and hide everynight.
merci pour votre disponibilité !
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Modifié par bridg le 04-11-2007 06:46
Message de diadia10 posté le 04-11-2007 à 01:26:58 (S | E | F | I)
salut j'ai un thème à faire et j'aimerais que vous me donniez un petit coup de main en corrigeant ma traduction s'il vous plaît.( concernant surtout les temps)
voici le texte:
La fillette fut la première à entendre le coup puissant contre la porte. Sa chambre était la plus proche de l'entrée de l'appartement. Dans la confusion du sommeil, elle avait d'abord pensé que c'était son père qui revenait de la cave où il se cachait, qu'il avait dû oublier ses clefs et insistait parce que personne ne l'avait entendu quand il avait frappé discrètement.
Mais bientôt des voix s'élevèrent dans le silence de la nuit, fortes et brutales. Ce n'était pas son père. << Police ! Ouvrez ! Tout de suite ! >> Le martèlement reprit, plus fort encore. Vibrant jusque dans la moelle de ses os. << Police ! Ouvrez ! Ouvrez ! >> Quelle heure était-il ? Elle jeta un coup d'oeil entre les rideaux. Il faisait encore sombre.
Elle avait peur. Elle pensait à ces conversations, ces murmures nocturnes, que ses parents avaient échangés croyant qu'elle dormait. Mais elle avait tout entendu. [...] Son père avait dit tout bas que les temps à venir seraient difficiles. Qu'il faudrait être courageux et très prudent.
Son père, toujours très bas, avait ajouté que seuls les hommes étaient en danger, que les femmes et les enfants n'avaient rien à craindre, et qu'il irait donc chaque soir se cacher.
Tatiana da Roseray,Elle s'appelait Sarah,2006
et voici ma traduction :
The little girl was the first one to hear the loud knock at the door. Her bedroom was the nearest one to the flat entry. In the confusion of the sleeping, she had first thought that it was her father coming back from the cellar where he had been hidden, that he must have forgetten his keys and that he was insisting on knocking for nobody had heard him when he had knocked discretly.
But soon some loud and rude voices raised in the still of the night. It was not her father. << Police ! Open that door ! Right now ! >> The knocking resumed even more louder. It was vibrating till the girl's bone marrow. << Police ! Open ! Open ! >> What time was it ? She caught a glance between the curtains. It was still dark.
She was scared. She thought about those conversations, those nightly mutters that her parents had exchanged, thinking that she was asleep. but she had heard everything. [...] Her father had whispered that times to come would be difficult. That they would have to be courageous and very carreful.
Her father, still in a mutter had added that only men were in danger, that women and children had nothing to fear and that he would go and hide everynight.
merci pour votre disponibilité !
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 04-11-2007 06:46
Réponse: La fillette (correction) de williamengland, postée le 04-11-2007 à 10:22:44 (S | E)
The little girl was the first to hear the loud knock on the door. Her bedroom was the closest to the flat entrance. Half asleep, she first thought it was her father coming back from the cellar where he was hiding, that he must have forgotten his keys and kept on louder thinking that no-one had heard him when he had tapped more discreetly.
But then voices were raised in the still of the night, loud and brutal. It was not her father. " Police ! Open immediately!" The knocking resumed even louder. It was shaking her to the very bone. "Police ! Open up!" What time was it? She glanced between the curtains. It was still dark.
She was scared. She thought about those conversations, those night-time murmurs between her parents when they believed that she was asleep. But she had heard everything. [...] Her father had whispered that the times to come would be difficult, that they would have to be courageous and very careful.
Her father, still very quietly had added that only the men were in danger, that women and children had nothing to fear, and that he would go and hide everynight.
C'était déjà très bon, je trouvais.
Feel free to contact me if you would like any explanations for the minor changes I've made.
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Modifié par bridg le 04-11-2007 16:33
Merci de respecter l'éthique de ce site en ne faisant pas le travail à la place des membres. MP envoyé.
Réponse: La fillette (correction) de diadia10, postée le 04-11-2007 à 15:54:31 (S | E)
merci williamengland c trés gentil de ta part 
Réponse: La fillette (correction) de camille34, postée le 06-11-2007 à 14:11:52 (S | E)
Bonjour.
Il ne s'agit en aucune manière d'une quelconque correction du texte proposé par Diadia 10.
J'ai trouvé que ce texte pouvait être intéressant à traduire, et je demande même à ce que l'on corrige mes fautes, car bien que j'aie passé beaucoup de temps à élaborer ce thème , je ne puis affirmer qu'il soit irréprochable.
The little girl was the first person to hear the strong blows against the door. Her bedroom was the closest to the entrance of the flat. Still feeling drowsy from her sleep, she had first thought that that it was her dad coming back from the cellar where he was hiding. He had probably forgotten his keys and kept banging on the door because nobody could hear him when he had first knocked gently.
But soon, strong, harsh voices pierced through the quiet of the night. It was not her father. "Police! Open up! Right now!" Soon, the blows against the door started again, harder this time, resonnating through her very bones. "Police! Open up! Open up! What time was it? She glanced through the curtains. It was still dark outside. She was scared. She thought about those conversations, those nighttime whispers her parents had shared when they thought she was asleep. But she had heard it all. Her father had said, in a low voice, that the times to come would be harsh. They would have to be brave and cautious.
Her father, still whispering, had added that only the men were in danger, that the women and the children had nothing to be afraid of and that he would, from then on, hide every night.
Réponse: La fillette (correction) de TravisKidd, postée le 06-11-2007 à 18:02:59 (S | E)
Il me semble que diadia a bien présenté son propre travail. Cela dit, il serait bon d'y noter les fautes, plutôt que simplement donner la version corrigée.
INDISPENSABLES : 