Aide pour correction de mon dialogue. (1)

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Aide pour correction de mon dialogue.
Message de adrien45 posté le 20-11-2007 à 22:17:27 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour pouvez-vous m'aidez a corriger mon dialogue.

Policier : - Sit down, What's your name ?
Suspect : - Mike Willson
Policier : - How old are you ?? and What do you do in your life ?
Suspect : -I am thirty-seven years old and I work in a butchery
Policier : - Do you get married ?
Suspect : - Yes, I do. Since five years old.
Policier : - What did you do x last night ?
Suspect : - I stayed at home, I watched TV
Policier : - it is impossible. A witness saw you near park.How do you Explain that ?
Suspect : - Uhm, uhm. yes that's true. The last night, I was at with my mistress.
Policer : - Why do you lie ?
Suspect : - Because, I don't want what my wife learn. My mistress live outside park"
Policer : - What's her name ?
Suspect : - Her name is Adriana Mahone.
Policer : - Since, how many time you trick your wife ?
Suspect : - Four months ago
Policer : - I am going to prove this, and especially stay here

Merci pour votre aide.

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Réponse: Aide pour correction de mon dialogue. de gee, postée le 21-11-2007 à 01:03:00 (S | E)
As your resquest hasn't got any answer yet, I'd give you some suggestions in order to improve your dialogue.

The first speaker is a police officer, man or woman. You might not call him/her "policier".

Policier : - Sit down. What's your name ?
Suspect : - Mike Willson
Policier : - How old are you ?? and What do you do in your life ?You probably refer to what M.W. does as a job, as an occupation, what he does for a living (pour gagner sa vie).
Suspect : -I am thirty-seven years old and I work in a butchery."37 years old is correct but a questioned suspect will probably say "I'm 37".
Policier : - Do you get married ?
This question should let me think of the suspect getting married just now. You should tell it otherwise: Did you get married? would refer to the moment when the event happenend. If the police officer wants to ask about the present status of the suspect, you could begin the question with "Are you..."
Suspect : - Yes, I do. Since five years old.
Change the full answer. Do you mean the suspect has been married since he was a child 5 years old?
Policier : - What did you do last night ?
Suspect : - I stayed at home, I watched TV
Policier : - It is impossible. A witness saw you near park. How do you explain that ?Suspect : - U(h)m, u(h)m. Yes that's true. The last night, I was at with my mistress.
Last Monday, last week, "last night" rightly said the police officer.
at with ?? he was either at her mistress' place, or with her, or with her at her place.
At that moment the "policier" turns into a "policer", unknown thing in English.
Policer : - Why do you lie ?Don't you think he is just now busy lying? How could you tell it?
Suspect : - Because, I don't want what my wife learn. My mistress live outside park"
Possible correction : I don't want (subject) (preposition) (verb infinitive form)
"live" has to be corrected.
Outside which park?
Policer : - What's her name ?
Suspect : - Her name is Adriana Mahone.
Policer : - Since, how many time you trick your wife ?Something is missing.
Suspect : - Four months ago.
Here the suspect is shunning the question by telling something else, a moment in the past, not a number of times (with s of plural).
Policer : - I am going to prove this, and especially stay here
What is the policeman going to prove? if any? Isn't it the suspect that has to prove something?

If you post an improved draft, some more qualified member than me might give you a hand.

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