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Correction d'une description
Message de zivalouna posté le 23-11-2007 à 17:39:28 (S | E | F | I)
J'aurais besoin de votre aide pour corriger ma description, s'il vous plaît.
This document is a photo.
It appears in the New Yorker newspaper.
It shows a woman, a staircas, a decorated Christmas tree with presents, a man, a carpet, and a fireplace.
In the foreground, on the right, we can see a woman getting down the stairs into the lounge. She is holding a pistol gun in her right hand
On the feft, there is a Christmas tree with some presents.
In the centre, there is a man lying on the carpet with his face down.
In the background, there is a fireplace with a fire burning in it.
Two red socks are hanging from the mantelpiece.
The blond-haired woman is wearing a pink evening dress.
The man is wearing a white shirt; he is lying on a yellowish brown rectangular carpet.
The presents at the tree bottom are all wrapped up with coloured paper. There's a big one and six smaller ones.
From the woman's attitude, her open mouth, we can infer she is frightened and astonished.
We can suppose she heard a noise downstairs or even a fight, that's why she has taken her gun.
The man lying with his face down suggests he is probably dead.
In my opinion, the woman is not necessarily the one we might think she is at first sight. She could as well be a criminal who murdered the man of the house because he had just discovered her.
We haven't got any clue to decide.
Merci.
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Modifié par zivalouna le 23-11-2007 17:40
Message de zivalouna posté le 23-11-2007 à 17:39:28 (S | E | F | I)
J'aurais besoin de votre aide pour corriger ma description, s'il vous plaît.
This document is a photo.
It appears in the New Yorker newspaper.
It shows a woman, a staircas, a decorated Christmas tree with presents, a man, a carpet, and a fireplace.
In the foreground, on the right, we can see a woman getting down the stairs into the lounge. She is holding a pistol gun in her right hand
On the feft, there is a Christmas tree with some presents.
In the centre, there is a man lying on the carpet with his face down.
In the background, there is a fireplace with a fire burning in it.
Two red socks are hanging from the mantelpiece.
The blond-haired woman is wearing a pink evening dress.
The man is wearing a white shirt; he is lying on a yellowish brown rectangular carpet.
The presents at the tree bottom are all wrapped up with coloured paper. There's a big one and six smaller ones.
From the woman's attitude, her open mouth, we can infer she is frightened and astonished.
We can suppose she heard a noise downstairs or even a fight, that's why she has taken her gun.
The man lying with his face down suggests he is probably dead.
In my opinion, the woman is not necessarily the one we might think she is at first sight. She could as well be a criminal who murdered the man of the house because he had just discovered her.
We haven't got any clue to decide.
Merci.
-------------------
Modifié par zivalouna le 23-11-2007 17:40
Réponse: Correction d'une description de chaber, postée le 23-11-2007 à 23:35:43 (S | E)
Description of a photo published in the New Yorker.
Pay attention to some repetitions...
Some mistakes I suggest to correct staircase...a Christmas tree decorated with some presents
The man lying with his face down on the ground ( or on the carpet)
A woman with fair hair (fair-haired woman)
frigtened or astonished
We can suppose she has heard (She has probably heard...)....that's the reason why she has taken her gun to defend herself...
In my opinion, you shouldn't rely too much on apparences !!!....Where is the truth ? Is the woman a victim...or on the contrary the criminal ? Has she dicovered the thief in her house ? Has she murdered ( killed) him? Was it a self-defence ? All suppositions are possible....We haven't got any clue....
Réponse: Correction d'une description de williamengland, postée le 24-11-2007 à 07:53:11 (S | E)
Excellent Zivalouna, très peu de fautes,
Staircase (avec e)
Coming down the stairs.
holding a pistol in her right hand. (Gun n'est pas nécessaire)
lying on the carpet face down.
one big one and six smaller ones.
We have no way of knowing.
Really that was VERY good.
William
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Modifié par williamengland le 24-11-2007 07:54
Réponse: Correction d'une description de shamrock72, postée le 24-11-2007 à 12:31:56 (S | E)
Puisqu'il s'agit d'une description, tu peux aussi penser à utiliser des tournures comme:"In the lower right-hand corner", " in the upper left-hand corner"....
Il peut aussi s'agir de "close-up" ou de" wide-angle shot"...
Ce type de tournures va te permettre d'être encore plus précise dans ta description.
Réponse: Correction d'une description de zivalouna, postée le 24-11-2007 à 17:09:30 (S | E)
Je vous remercie tous pour votre aide! C'est vraiment très gentils! Cela va beaucoup m'aider pour m'améliorer, je vous souhaite une bonne soirée! Et merci encore!
Réponse: Correction d'une description de jean31, postée le 24-11-2007 à 17:39:39 (S | E)
Réponse: Correction d'une description de zivalouna, postée le 24-11-2007 à 17:09:30 (S | E)
Je vous remercie tous pour votre aide! C'est vraiment très gentils! Cela va beaucoup m'aider pour m'améliorer, je vous souhaite une bonne soirée! Et merci encore!
Tout ça aurait pu être parfait si tu avais seulement pensé à citer la source de ton inspiration.
Qu'en penses-tu ?
Sans rancune malgré tout.
jean31, alias JRB
Réponse: Correction d'une description de zivalouna, postée le 24-11-2007 à 18:00:54 (S | E)
Euh.. Désolée! J'avais besoin d'un modèle de description pour pouvoir faire ma propre description sur une autre image (pour m'entraîner en quelque sorte!)... Et je suis tombée dessus... et comme il y avait des choses qui me parraissaient à modifier et que je ne suis pas très douée en anglais j'ai préféré demander l'avis d'autres personnes! Encore navrée! Bien, maintenat j'ai eu envie de rajouté un avis personnel un peu plus dans le domaine de l'imagination alors voila ma phrase:
It can be assumed that after having committed the murder would have taken the woman would fear and fled, getting rid of the body.
pourriez vous me la corriger svp?
Réponse: Correction d'une description de williamengland, postée le 24-11-2007 à 23:30:54 (S | E)
Elle aurait fui? OU Elle aurait essayé de cacher le corps?
Le début de la phrase est bien, mais suivant ... murder, the woman would have been afraid, and fled. / become afraid ...
"taken fear" est compréhensible, et un bon effort, mais c'est mot à mot pour "pris peur" et ne marche pas en Anglais.
William.
INDISPENSABLES : 