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correction d'un courrier
Message de kid-color posté le 02-01-2008 à 21:12:46 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour, pouvez-vous me dire si ce courrier est correct, poli, ou s'il y a des choses à ne pas dire ou à rajouter, bref,ce que vous en pensez.
Merci beaucouupp.
PS : Bonne année, pleine de réussite à tous les abonnés du forum !
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your consideration about my application for a 2 month work placement. This experience in the sales department of a company is a wonderful opportunity to gain knowledge of a British firm.
I remind you I can help you carry out canvassing operations in search of potential customers in your country or in another country such as France, as an example.
My activities within your company can consist in designing a customer database, completing and sending business documents and files as well as canvassing on the phone or contacting customers on a direct basis.
Today, the Internet is a key network regarding the search of information; that’s why our teachers have trained and prepared my schoolmates and I to efficient websourcing.
Please find enclosed the agreement, which must be signed between the company and the Lycée.
I look forward to hearing from you and I will be happy to supply any other details you may require.
Best Regards,
(signature)
Contexte : J'ai envoyé tout un courrier de candidature il y a un mois, et cela les a intéressé, le but de ce courrier est l'envoi du contrat, en même temps qu'une relance ( c'est pour cela que je leur rapelle un peu le contexte..)
Voilà, merci beaucoup de vous impliquer sur ce forum, c'est très gentil, et utile
Message de kid-color posté le 02-01-2008 à 21:12:46 (S | E | F | I)
Bonjour, pouvez-vous me dire si ce courrier est correct, poli, ou s'il y a des choses à ne pas dire ou à rajouter, bref,ce que vous en pensez.
Merci beaucouupp.
PS : Bonne année, pleine de réussite à tous les abonnés du forum !
Dear Sir:
Thank you for your consideration about my application for a 2 month work placement. This experience in the sales department of a company is a wonderful opportunity to gain knowledge of a British firm.
I remind you I can help you carry out canvassing operations in search of potential customers in your country or in another country such as France, as an example.
My activities within your company can consist in designing a customer database, completing and sending business documents and files as well as canvassing on the phone or contacting customers on a direct basis.
Today, the Internet is a key network regarding the search of information; that’s why our teachers have trained and prepared my schoolmates and I to efficient websourcing.
Please find enclosed the agreement, which must be signed between the company and the Lycée.
I look forward to hearing from you and I will be happy to supply any other details you may require.
Best Regards,
(signature)
Contexte : J'ai envoyé tout un courrier de candidature il y a un mois, et cela les a intéressé, le but de ce courrier est l'envoi du contrat, en même temps qu'une relance ( c'est pour cela que je leur rapelle un peu le contexte..)
Voilà, merci beaucoup de vous impliquer sur ce forum, c'est très gentil, et utile
Réponse: correction d'un courrier de jean31, postée le 02-01-2008 à 22:12:09 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Mes compliments pour la qualité de ta lettre et tous mes voeux de réussite.
Histoire de justifier mon intervention,
quelques menus détails à rectifier toutefois :- virgule après Dear Sir,
- éviter les formes contractées => that is why...
- j'inverserais l'ordre des 2 propositions dans la toute dernière phrase et les transformerais en indépendantes.
Good luck.
Réponse: correction d'un courrier de gee, postée le 03-01-2008 à 07:16:06 (S | E)
Hi kidcolor,
Just some suggestions about details according to my feelings at reading your top letter.
"...as in France, as an example" twice 'as' in a row? Why not "... as in France for example."
... key network regarding the search FOR information
... our teachers prepared (or better 'trained') my schoolmates and ME
I'd rather say: the agreement to be signed by both your company and the Lycée.
Best wishes.
Réponse: correction d'un courrier de kid-color, postée le 03-01-2008 à 13:15:12 (S | E)
Et voici la toute dernière version
(my contact details)
date
(their contact details)
Subject: Application for a work placement
Dear Sir :
Thank you for your consideration about my application for a 2 month work placement. This experience in the sales department of a company is a wonderful opportunity to gain knowledge of a British firm.
I remind you I can help you carry out canvassing operations in search of potential customers in your country or in another country such as France, for example.
My activities within your company can consist in designing a customer database, completing and sending business documents and files as well as canvassing on the phone or contacting customers on a direct basis.
Today, the Internet is a key network regarding the search of information; that is why our teachers have trained and prepared my schoolmates and I to efficient websourcing.
Please find enclosed the agreement, which must be signed by both the company and the Lycée.
I will be happy to supply any other details you may require, and I look forward to hearing from you.
Best Regards,
(signature)
mes remarques à moi
- Je persiste pour les 2 points après Dear Sir ; j'ai appris que cela était correct si l'on pensait à mettre la virgule après la formule de politesse (Best Regards)
- they have trained and prepared my schoolmates and I me semble tout aussi correct non ??
Merci encore jean et gee pour vos précieuses suggestions et vos encouragements
Réponse: correction d'un courrier de gee, postée le 03-01-2008 à 15:10:04 (S | E)
Congratulations, kidcolor, the intern-wannabe,
That lets suppose that you know the name of the addressee, or at least that he is a man. Otherwise, suppose you address your cover letter to the head of a HR department unknown to you, you had better start with
I can't catch why you persist in writing: "our teachers prepared X and I". I for one have never heard using I for me in such grammatical structure. But I'm an old man maybe with oldfashioned habits.
I wonder whether a British corporation or company would hire an intern coming right from a Lycée to put in their hands the international canvassing of the marketing department, if not as an ASSISTANT. But being bold could enable to stand a chance.
Lucky you, kidcolor!
INDISPENSABLES : 