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Besoin d'aide pour une correction
Message de julie35000 posté le 16-03-2008 à 16:07:57 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, je suis nouvelle sur le forum. Je m'appelle Julie et je suis actuellement en première L. Mon niveau d'anglais est lamentable et j'aimerais vraiment progresser.
J'ai besoin de votre aide pour corriger ce texte de 200 mots. Je vous remercie d'avance.
15th March 2008
Dear Indra,
It is with emotion that I read your letter. Your history is a dilem: on the one hand the honour of your family and other one your feelings.
It is necessary to choose your feelings because life is very short, it is necessary to live it only for you and not for your family. For it, your parents need the announcing so that they understand your choice. So that they are understanding, you will have to enunciate following arguments: it is a man charming without prejudices, it has a very good job and he will be to make you happy. And especially, you like it. Thanks to your arguments fill of sincerity, your parents be going to think and give you their permission.
First and foremost, try to persuade your mother because she also lived the arranged marriage. As a result, she knows what you feel and will be able to help you to persuade your father.
I hope that my advice will help you to go out of this delicate situation. By waiting for your answer to know the continuation of your history, I wish you a lot of courage and determination.
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Modifié par julie35000 le 16-03-2008 16:10
Message de julie35000 posté le 16-03-2008 à 16:07:57 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, je suis nouvelle sur le forum. Je m'appelle Julie et je suis actuellement en première L. Mon niveau d'anglais est lamentable et j'aimerais vraiment progresser.
J'ai besoin de votre aide pour corriger ce texte de 200 mots. Je vous remercie d'avance.
15th March 2008
Dear Indra,
It is with emotion that I read your letter. Your history is a dilem: on the one hand the honour of your family and other one your feelings.
It is necessary to choose your feelings because life is very short, it is necessary to live it only for you and not for your family. For it, your parents need the announcing so that they understand your choice. So that they are understanding, you will have to enunciate following arguments: it is a man charming without prejudices, it has a very good job and he will be to make you happy. And especially, you like it. Thanks to your arguments fill of sincerity, your parents be going to think and give you their permission.
First and foremost, try to persuade your mother because she also lived the arranged marriage. As a result, she knows what you feel and will be able to help you to persuade your father.
I hope that my advice will help you to go out of this delicate situation. By waiting for your answer to know the continuation of your history, I wish you a lot of courage and determination.
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Modifié par julie35000 le 16-03-2008 16:10
Réponse: Besoin d'aide pour une correction de acolesiu, postée le 16-03-2008 à 17:26:51 (S | E)
Julie, first of all what you need to do in order to write a "comprehensible" text is to use your bilingual dictionary and search every word because you have an obvious problem with "faux amis"..
ton histoire ne se traduit pas par your history mais par your story
dilem n'existe pas en anglais, le mot que tu cherches est dilemma
on one hand...and on the other et non pas and the one hand...and the other one
en meme temps tu ne peux pas dire I choose my feelings...essaye de trouver un autre equivalent
Il te faut changer la structure de certaines phrases et la conjugaison de certaines verbes.
Essaye de re-ecrire la lettre et si ca ne marche pas je serais ravie de t'aider un peu plus
Réponse: Besoin d'aide pour une correction de julie35000, postée le 16-03-2008 à 17:55:26 (S | E)
voici ce que donne la lettre avec les corrections :
15th March 2008
Dear Indra,
It is with emotion that I read your letter. Your story is a dilemma: on one hand the honour of your family and one the other your feelings.
It is necessary to choose your feelings because life is very short, it is necessary to live it only for you and not for your family. For it, your parents need the announcing so that they understand your choice. So that they are understanding, you will have to enunciate following arguments: it is a man charming without prejudices, it has a very good job and he will be to make you happy. And especially, you like it. Thanks to your arguments fill of sincerity, your parents be going to think and give you their permission.
First and foremost, try to persuade your mother because she also lived the arranged marriage. As a result, she knows what you feel and will be able to help you to persuade your father.
I hope that my advice will help you to go out of this delicate situation. By waiting for your answer to know the continuation of your story, I wish you a lot of courage and determination.
Je pourrais remplacer to choose your feelings par to follow your feelings?
Sinon il est assez difficile de trouver ses erreurs... J'éssaye de traduire au mieux mes pensées mais je ne connais pas certaines expréssions spécifiques à l'anglais pour dire tel ou tel chose. Si vous pouviez m'éclairer sur les fautes de conjugaisons et la structure de certaines phrases j'en serais ravie.
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Modifié par julie35000 le 16-03-2008 17:57
Réponse: Besoin d'aide pour une correction de julie35000, postée le 16-03-2008 à 19:48:14 (S | E)
j'ai rajouté quelque modaux :
15th March 2008
Dear Indra,
It is with emotion that I read your letter. Your story is a dilemma: on one hand the honour of your family and one the other your feelings.
You must choose your feelings because life is very short, it is necessary to live it only for you and not for your family. For it, your parents need the announcing so that they understand your choice. So that they are understanding, you will have to enunciate following arguments: it is a man charming without prejudices, it has a very good job and he will be to make you happy. And especially, you love him. Thanks to your arguments fill of sincerity, your parents be going to think and give you their permission.
First and foremost, you should persuade your mother because she also lived the arranged marriage. As a result, she knows what you feel and will be able to help you to persuade your father.
I hope that my advice will help you to go out of this delicate situation. By waiting for your answer to know the continuation of your story, I wish you a lot of courage and determination.
pouvez vous m'aider à corriger ces phrases, elles me sembles "bizarres" :
it is necessary to live it only for you and not for your family. For it, your parents need the announcing so that they understand your choice.
Merci
INDISPENSABLES : 