Poésie en anglais (correction) (1)

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Poésie en anglais (correction)
Message de ephylia posté le 11-02-2009 à 17:10:57 (S | E | F)
Bonjour, Je suis nouvelle sur ce site et espère y trouver de l'aide !

Je dois en effet rendre une poésie en anglais sur le thème du mensonge sur le modèle de la chanson Good Liar de Aaron pour ceux qui serait susceptible de connaitre.
Mais je ne suis pas très bonne en anglais et ma syntaxe et ma grammaire a certainement besoin d'être corrigée...N'ayant pus trouver de l'aide dans mon entourage je fait appelle à vos service en espérant trouver de l'aide...!

Je vous copie-colle ici le texte que j'ai écris.
Chaque début de phrase et tiré de la chanson et ne peut être changé. J'ai également laissé les mots sur lesquels j'hésitaient entre parenthèses ou a coté d'un /

was sad night, the sky lamented and hid the face under thick clouds, maybe knew it already...
Yesterday I wanted to make her dream, make her imagine another world, but
Maybe it was too much, maybe she confused the dream and the reality
Because she maybe saw that the dream could be to carry of hand, that it was the door close.
We walked at the edge of these cliffs which she liked so much,
I even taken a flower to stick on her in her fair hair.
And I didn't attention on the space which there was in her and around her,
I'm a good liar
I had you believing
That I wasn't that I was not responsible for her flight, that she would return
I'm good at pretending
I I persuaded you my child, that she would return even more beautiful than before,
I'm a good liar

Truth is I am coward, I do not want to see the truth opposite.
I am imprisoned into this lie, your glance reminds it to me in every seconds,
Just these some seconds which have is enough to make her fall in this dark night
I was there with her, I wanted to make her dream and I made him fall over on the other side,
I convinced you and me too
It was just for some seconds, then about time, some hours
That we would stay without her; I said to you: just the time when she returns to us even more beautiful

I'm a good liar
I had you believing
That I wasn't in punishment(effort) without her, my wife, your mother, our love,
I'm good at pretending
I Persuaded you my angel, that she would return / would soon return, and you believed in me...
I'm a good liar

It's time I came clean
It's time I told the truth
No matter what I say I wants me my girl, I wanted to protect you from this pain which is going to attack(affect) your heart.


I'm a good liar
I had you believing
That I wasn't coward, that I was always the so very same without her love, even without its presence.
I'm good at pretending
I persuaded you that she would return, that she could not abandon us, does not want to it to her, does not want to it to me.
I'm a good liar

J'espère que ce texte n'est pas bourré de fautes malgré mon niveau pas très élevé en anglais...si vous pourriez ne serait-ce que m'apporter quelque modifications j'en serais très heureuse !
Merci et à bientôt !
Elodie

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Modifié par bridg le 11-02-2009 17:14

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Réponse: Poésie en anglais (correction) de azer3, postée le 11-02-2009 à 21:35:14 (S | E)
Bonjour,
ou est le sujet?/was sad night, the sky lamented and hid the face under thick clouds, maybe knew it already...
Yesterday I wanted to make her dream.ça manque qu'elle que chose a la fin de dream/, make her imagine another world, but
Maybe it was too much, maybe she confused the dream and the reality
Because she maybe saw that the dream could be to carry of/off/ hand, that it was the door close.
We walked at the edge of these cliffs which she liked so much,
I even taken/c'est pas taken conjugue le verbe au simple past/ a flower to stick on her in her fair hair.
And I didn't /on dit pay attention/attention on the space which there was in her and around her,
I'm a good liar
I had you/tu as mal placé you/ believing
That I wasn't /je crois que tu dois mettre un Virgile ici/ that I was not responsible for her flight, that she would return
I'm good at pretending
I I persuaded you my child, that she would return even more beautiful than before,
I'm a good liar

Truth is / je vois que tu ajoute that/I am coward, I do not want to see the truth opposite.
I am imprisoned into this lie, your glance reminds it to me in every seconds,
Just these some seconds which have is enough to make her fall/s/ in this dark night
I was there with her, I wanted to make her dream and I made him fall over on the other side,
I convinced you and me too
It was just for some seconds, then about time, some hours
That we would stay without her; I said to you: just the time when she returns/vérifier le temps de verbe/ to us even more beautiful

I'm a good liar
I had you believing
That I wasn't in punishment(effort)/je tu propose I wasn't strong/ without her, my wife, your mother, our love,.
I'm good at pretending
I Persuaded you my angel, that she would return / would soon return/that she would return soon pour quoi la répétition?/, and you believed in me/and you will beleive me/...
I'm a good liar

It's time I came clean
It's time I told the truth
No matter what I say I wants me my girl, I wanted to protect you from this pain which is going to attack your heart.


I'm a good liar
I had you believing
That I wasn't coward, that I was always the so very/enléve so very/ same without her love, even without its/her/ presence.
I'm good at pretending
I persuaded you that she would return, that she could not abandon us, /ou est le sujet/does not want to it to her, does not want to it to me/ou est le point d'interrogation?/.
I'm a good liar.
Voilà réviser si 'il vous plait il ya des fautes dans la structuration de tes phrases ce qui rond ta poème parfois incompréhensible.
Bon courage.

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