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Celebrity writing
Message de spyratoss posté le 15-07-2009 à 00:37:28 (S | E | F)
salut a vous et je vous remercie de s'interesser a ce topic , j'ai un niveau de debutant en anglais et j'aimerai l'ameliorer si vous pouver m'aider j'ai ecris un petit sujet et j'aimerai bien connaitre mes fautes donc je vous prie de bien vouloir me le corriger et a ce que je pense on est la pour apprendre n'est ce pas
jeri's life
jeri is a fashion model who has a beautiful accent ,she grew up in angland at the city of Britain;Britain is a beautiful city it look like California;her family lives there,her father is an astronaut and her mother is a primary school teacher,Jeri never thought that she will be a model,she wanted to be a doctor or writer,she didn't thought about being a model because she thought that she looked very funny;in school she wasn't very popular ,she wasn't unpopular but she wasn't as popular as that and she had a group of friends,so she loved school she was a great student ,and her mother taught her in primary school ,she thought that it was terrific;she used to pain and she still do and right know she has a painting in gallery but for her it's just an exhibit she enjoy to do in her free time ;her favorite game was chess it's her grandfather who taught her to play chess,her favorite place was the summer camp on the Ireland and she enjoyed the horse riding.
Message de spyratoss posté le 15-07-2009 à 00:37:28 (S | E | F)
salut a vous et je vous remercie de s'interesser a ce topic , j'ai un niveau de debutant en anglais et j'aimerai l'ameliorer si vous pouver m'aider j'ai ecris un petit sujet et j'aimerai bien connaitre mes fautes donc je vous prie de bien vouloir me le corriger et a ce que je pense on est la pour apprendre n'est ce pas
jeri's life
jeri is a fashion model who has a beautiful accent ,she grew up in angland at the city of Britain;Britain is a beautiful city it look like California;her family lives there,her father is an astronaut and her mother is a primary school teacher,Jeri never thought that she will be a model,she wanted to be a doctor or writer,she didn't thought about being a model because she thought that she looked very funny;in school she wasn't very popular ,she wasn't unpopular but she wasn't as popular as that and she had a group of friends,so she loved school she was a great student ,and her mother taught her in primary school ,she thought that it was terrific;she used to pain and she still do and right know she has a painting in gallery but for her it's just an exhibit she enjoy to do in her free time ;her favorite game was chess it's her grandfather who taught her to play chess,her favorite place was the summer camp on the Ireland and she enjoyed the horse riding.
Réponse: Celebrity writing de brettdallen, postée le 15-07-2009 à 01:18:29 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
J'indique ce qui ne va pas...(pensez aussi au français... il y a beaucoup de fautes).
jeri's life
jeri is a fashion model who has a beautiful accent ,she grew up in angland at the city of Britain(c'est difficile de nous faire imaginer que "Britain" est une "city");Britain is a beautiful city it look(3ème personne du singulier) like California(une ville que vous comparez à un état?);(point)her family lives there,(point)her father is an astronaut and her mother is a primary school teacher,(point)Jeri(manque un auxiliaire pour du perfect) never thought that she will(c'est passé: "would") be a model,she wanted to be a doctor or(a) writer,she didn't thought("did + Base verbale") about being a model because she thought that she looked very funny( ? );in/at school she wasn't very popular ,she wasn't unpopular(cette partie de phrase pourrait s'écrire autrement, non? "...she was neither popular nor the opposite", ou quelque chose comme ça) but she wasn't as popular as that and she had a group of friends,so she loved school(point!)(ou "and") she was a great student
Plusieurs choses:
-des erreurs de langue récurrentes(à gommer!)
-vous ne ponctuez pas! faites des phrases et apprenez à sentir quand il faut faire une pause(point, virgule). Une phrase correspond globalement à une unité de sens, une idée, si vous préférez..
-vous délivrez les informations dans le désordre! il faut organiser le portrait de façon rationnelle. Passez d'un aspect de la personne à un autre, mais ne mélangez pas tout.
-en définitive, posez-vous plus de questions et relisez-vous de manière critique.
Bon courage!
Réponse: Celebrity writing de spyratoss, postée le 16-07-2009 à 18:50:36 (S | E)
merci bien
INDISPENSABLES : 