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Letter to a host family
Message de flo3299 posté le 25-07-2009 à 14:11:50 (S | E | F)
bonjour à tous, merci de m'aider à corriger mes fautes :
Dear future host family,
My name is Florian, I'm 16, I live in France, in a small village, next to Lyon.
For a long time, I have a passion for languages, I even want to live abroad when I'll be older. I love travelling, discovering new things, new ways to live, meet new people.
I'm sure it'll be very nice to go to Australia that I always wanted to go there. It also be nice to live like a teenager there, going to school, making friends.
About me, I'm fond of any sports, especially soccer, basket, volley. I do enjoy walking around the beach, hanging around with my mates, eating making sport, listening to music, gazing at the beach.I also be happy if i could give a hand to someone.
I hope We're going to have an awesome year!
Florian.
merci d'avance
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Modifié par lucile83 le 25-07-2009 14:26
titre (a host/hostess)
courrier/divers
Message de flo3299 posté le 25-07-2009 à 14:11:50 (S | E | F)
bonjour à tous, merci de m'aider à corriger mes fautes :
Dear future host family,
My name is Florian, I'm 16, I live in France, in a small village, next to Lyon.
For a long time, I have a passion for languages, I even want to live abroad when I'll be older. I love travelling, discovering new things, new ways to live, meet new people.
I'm sure it'll be very nice to go to Australia that I always wanted to go there. It also be nice to live like a teenager there, going to school, making friends.
About me, I'm fond of any sports, especially soccer, basket, volley. I do enjoy walking around the beach, hanging around with my mates, eating making sport, listening to music, gazing at the beach.I also be happy if i could give a hand to someone.
I hope We're going to have an awesome year!
Florian.
merci d'avance
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 25-07-2009 14:26
titre (a host/hostess)
courrier/divers
Réponse: Letter to a host family de mawoubelle, postée le 25-07-2009 à 18:12:19 (S | E)
Bonjour Florian,
Jai lu ta lettre et au delà de tes fautes, jaimerais te donner quelques conseils.
Je ne te connais pas, en lisant ta "lettre" je me suis donc retrouvé dans la même position que tes futurs "parents d'acceuil". Ce qui en ressort?? Pas grand chose malheureusement. En effet si on ressent ton enthousiasme, on n'apprend que peu de choses sur toi: 'what about' tes qualités, ta vie quotidienne, ta famille? Les gens qui vont te choisir ont besoin de savoir si tu pourrais facilement t'adapter à leur vie, et après seulement à leur pays....
Je te conseille donc de réétoffer ta lettre.
Pour ce qui est de tes fautes, sache que:
*WHEN n'accepte pas le modal WILL. Ainsi tu diras: "when I am older" etc...
*FOR fonctionne avec pt perfect -> "for a long time, I've had a passion..."
*new way of life
*[...]nice to go to Australia, it's a place I always dreamed to go to.
*"About me" mancé, tout seul, en début de phrase n'a pas de sens!
*Im fond of sport
D'accord il y a la mer en Australie, c'est sympa d'y faire des ballades, mais ta famille va bien voir qu'à Lyon il ny a pas la mer! Cest un peu hors propos!
A mettre plutôt dans tes motivations, plutôt que dans tes goûts... ça sonne bizarre!
A bientôt jespère!
Réponse: Letter to a host family de brettdallen, postée le 27-07-2009 à 01:21:58 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Je signale ce qui ne va vraiment pas, à vous de faire le reste...
Dear Future host family(un peu lourd... ne connaissais-vous pas leur nom?),
my name is florian, i'm 16, I live in France, next to(ou "near") lyon, in a small village.
For a long time, I really like travelling(forme verbale à revoir.. vous dites "for a long time", cela implique un retour en arrière, donc...?), discovering new things, new people, new ways to live. Besides I always had(forme verbale à revoir.. "always" implique encore un retour en arrière, donc..?) a passion for
I even want to live abroad when i'll be(conjonction "when" suivie du Present simple, dans ce cas) older.I never went(forme à revoir.. vous faites un bilan, donc...?) to Australie before but I always dream(forme à revoir) to. I'm sure I will like it and(connection maladroite) the people there. It also be ? nice to live like a teenager there, go to school like an australian teenager, wear an uniform, make friends : I'm sure it'll be amazing.
About me(maladroit), I'm fond of sports, I do enjoy walikng around on the beach, hanging round with my friends, eating, making sports with them, gazing a the beach.
When i'll be older, I'd like to be a pilot to travel in a lot of countries.
I already went(bilan expérience= ...?) to Tunisia,.....,
I hope lean a lot and why not(to) come back another time after(wards)/later!
A vous de jouer!
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Modifié par bridg le 27-07-2009 06:44
Correction proposée pour le post ci-dessous.
Réponse: Letter to a host family de flo3299, postée le 27-07-2009 à 00:40:31 (S | E)
Bonjour, je vais partir 5mois en Australie dans une famille là-bas, et pour ça je dois leur écrire, et j'aimerais bien que quelqu'un m'aide a corriger mes fautes, merci d'avance .
Dear Future host family,
my name is florian, i'm 16, I live in France, next to lyon, in a small village.
For a long time, I really like travelling, discovering new things, new people, new ways to live. Besides I always had a passion for the languages.
I even want to live abroad when i'll be older.I never went to Australie before but I always dream to. I'm sure I will like it and the people there. It also be nice to live like a teenager there, go to school like an australian teenager, wear an uniform, make friends : I'm sure it'll be amazing.
About me, I'm fond of sport, I do enjoy walikng around on the beach, hanging round with my friends, eating, making sport with them gazing a the beach.
When i'll be older, I'd like to be a pilot to travel in a lot of countries.
I already went to Tunisia,.....,
I hope lean a lot and why not come back another time after!
-------------------
Modifié par bridg le 27-07-2009 06:43
Correction de brettdallen au dessus
Réponse: Letter to a host family de flo3299, postée le 27-07-2009 à 18:42:23 (S | E)
Dear future host family,
My name is Florian, I'm 16 and I live in a small village near to Lyon.
I am really exited to meet you and to see your country. First of all,I would like to thank you to welcome me in your house. I'm sure the 5 months will be amazing. It will be great to live like a teenager, go to school as an australian, wear an uniform and make some friends. I really think that this travel will be very useful for my future life, it will help me to understand new things in my life, new ways to understand it (and to learn English ?) .
For a long time, I really like travelling, discovering new things, new people, new ways of life.
I even want to live abroad when i'll be older. I've never been in Australia before but I always dream to. I dream to be a pilot later.
About me, I do a lot of sport, I enjoy walking on the beach, hanging around with my friends, lazing on the beach, listening music, playing with my pets and of course travelling. I always had a passion for the languages.
I'd like to speak a lot. After, I hope this travel will help me to learn one (one what?).
I've already been to Tunisia, Thailand, Greece, Ireland, England and Egypt.
I'm curious, volunteer, greedy, adventurer and hardworker.
I hope We will share 5 excellent months and keep the contact after.
Thanks again for welcoming me, See you Soon.
Florian
4
j'ai essayé d'arranger un peu
INDISPENSABLES : 