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Qin dynasty/correction
Message from zhong posted on 27-07-2009 at 11:12:26 (D | E | F)
That is my homework today.
Could anybody help me to correct it? The gammar or other problems.
Thanks a lot.
Two thousand years ago, before Qin dynasty, Chinese was divided into several small countries. They all built their own Great Wall to defense enemy in break from north. After the first king of Qin dynasty had unified China, he connected all the divided to be the Great Wall which we can see now.
During its long history, it had been destroyed lots of time by war and has been reconstruction lots of time after war.
The originally purpose for the Great wall is to defense enemy from northern minorities. However, it had changed its functions to a great landscape after china’s empire-building beyond a lot of the Great Wall.
Why Chinese call the Great Wall “the place that if someone has never been to the Great Wall once, will never be a real Hero.”?
All the Great Wall is built on the top of mountain. It can offer you the breathtaking views and incredible landscape. Some part of the mountain such as the most famous sight Ba Da Ling in Beijing is very cliffy. You almost step on anther person’s head under you. When you clime the part of the Great Wall there, you even no courage to see back just one sight. It’s really breathtaking. You should try once by yourself.
The Great Wall has story of couple millennia, and it continues to astound.
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Edited by bridg on 27-07-2009 11:16
Message from zhong posted on 27-07-2009 at 11:12:26 (D | E | F)
That is my homework today.
Could anybody help me to correct it? The gammar or other problems.
Thanks a lot.
Two thousand years ago, before Qin dynasty, Chinese was divided into several small countries. They all built their own Great Wall to defense enemy in break from north. After the first king of Qin dynasty had unified China, he connected all the divided to be the Great Wall which we can see now.
During its long history, it had been destroyed lots of time by war and has been reconstruction lots of time after war.
The originally purpose for the Great wall is to defense enemy from northern minorities. However, it had changed its functions to a great landscape after china’s empire-building beyond a lot of the Great Wall.
Why Chinese call the Great Wall “the place that if someone has never been to the Great Wall once, will never be a real Hero.”?
All the Great Wall is built on the top of mountain. It can offer you the breathtaking views and incredible landscape. Some part of the mountain such as the most famous sight Ba Da Ling in Beijing is very cliffy. You almost step on anther person’s head under you. When you clime the part of the Great Wall there, you even no courage to see back just one sight. It’s really breathtaking. You should try once by yourself.
The Great Wall has story of couple millennia, and it continues to astound.
-------------------
Edited by bridg on 27-07-2009 11:16
Re: Qin dynasty/correction from seb06000, posted on 27-07-2009 at 11:23:01 (D | E)
Hi!
Here I put into brackets the indications to correct your essay:
"Two thousand years ago, before Qin dynasty, Chinese was divided into several small countries. They all built their own Great Wall to defense enemy in break from north( the verb and its construction is not correct). After the first king of Qin dynasty had unified China, he connected all the divided ( a word is missing: the divided....?) to be the Great Wall which we can see now.
During its long history, it had been destroyed lots of time by war and has been reconstruction( here you don't need the noun but the perfect form of the verb to reconstruct) lots of time after war.
The originally purpose for the Great wall is to defense( once again the verb isn't correct) enemy from northern minorities. However, it had changed its functions to a great landscape (meaning of the sentence? )after china’s empire-building beyond a lot of the Great Wall.
Why Chinese call the Great Wall “the place that if( the way you build your sentence isn't correct) someone has never been to the Great Wall once, will never be a real Hero.”?
All ( all is used for a plural or a singular uncountable) the Great Wall is built on the top of mountain( plural mark missing). It can offer you the breathtaking views and incredible landscape (plural mark missing). Some part ( plural marks) of the mountain such as the most famous sight Ba Da Ling in Beijing is very cliffy. You almost step on another person’s head under you. When you clime (spelling of the verb) the part of the Great Wall there, you even no courage (verb is missing) to see back just one sight. It’s really breathtaking. You should try once by yourself.
The Great Wall has story of couple millennia, and it continues to astound."
If you need any tip just ask
Cheers
sébastien
Re: Qin dynasty/correction from zhong, posted on 28-07-2009 at 05:44:37 (D | E)
Thank you very much.
Now i fixed it like this:
"Two thousand years ago, before Qin dynasty, China was divided into several small countries. They all built their own Great Wall to defense against enemies from the north. (They all built their own Great Wall to resist enemies from the north) After the first king of Qin dynasty had unified China, he connected separated pieces to create the Great Wall which we see now.
During its long history, it had been destroyed lots of times by war and has been reconstructed lots of times after wards.
The original purpose of the Great wall is to resist enemies from northern minorities. However, now it has become China’s famous landmark.
The Great Wall is built on the top of mountains. It can offer you breathtaking views. Some parts of the mountains, such as the most famous sight Ba Da Ling in Beijing is very cliffy. You almost step on another person’s head under you. When you climb the part there, it is very scary looking back takes courage. It’s really breathtaking. You should try it once by yourself.
The Great Wall has 2000 years old stories, and it continues to astound."
Does it still have any mistake?
Re: Qin dynasty/correction from seb06000, posted on 28-07-2009 at 09:27:04 (D | E)
hi again,
here I put the final corrections to bring to your essay:
"Two thousand years ago, before Qin dynasty, China was divided into several small countries. They all built their own Great Wall to defense (the verb is still uncorrect) against enemies from the north. (They all built their own Great Wall to resist ( much better this one
)enemies from the north) After the first king of Qin dynasty had unified China, he connected separated pieces to create the Great Wall which we see now.During its long history, it had been destroyed lots of times by war and has been reconstructed lots of times afterwards (one word but perfect!) .
The original purpose of the Great wall is to resist enemies from northern minorities. However, now it has become China’s famous landmark.
The Great Wall is built on the top of mountains. It can offer you breathtaking views. Some parts of the mountains, such as the most famous sight Ba Da Ling in Beijing is very cliffy. You almost step on another person’s head under you. When you climb the part there, it is very scary looking back takes (verb uncorrect) courage. It’s really breathtaking. You should try it once by yourself.
The Great Wall has 2000 years old stories, and it continues to astound."
But this is it, no major problem
Cheers
sebastien
Re: Qin dynasty/correction from lllfantasy, posted on 02-08-2009 at 10:51:37 (D | E)
Hello,
defense is a noun,I think.
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Edited by lucile83 on 02-08-2009 11:08
INDISPENSABLES : 