Worrying sides of video-games/correction

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Worrying sides of video-games/correction
Message de helmoute posté le 19-09-2009 à 17:04:54 (S | E | F)
bonjour, pouvez-vous m'aider et corriger mon essai s'il vous plaît?
What are the worrying sides of video-games:

If you choose goods games like the new game which goes out , Nowadays you can work your «Code» or your memory with video-games!It's a very good & funny form of study
Video-games are also a good way to have a party with friends or to have a good time alone too,
You can learn to use the new technology, In fact young people can learn to use computers which are a very using tool of work in all jobs...

However, it's entraine a very bad psycholical dependency when they are played in enormous quantity, some young people spend hours to play and forgot to sleep then they don't work at school ans they have bad marks, they don't play with other youngs anymore too . The game it's all for them , it's their drugs, One call them « No-lifes » Because they don't really live!
Some games are very violent and they spread very abd picture of the life, in fact this pictures can touch the sensibility of young people and show bad idea for the youngest, For instance the « Catch » games entraine acts of violence, Children knock other children and for them it's just normal,

Il ne me manque plus que la conclusion et l'introduction à faire, mais j'aimerais déjà savoir si il y a beaucoup de fautes ou du moins des très graves pour que je puisse me corriger et ne plus les commettre.
Merci pour vos réponses.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-09-2009 17:11

Réponse: Worrying sides of video-games/correction de seb06000, postée le 19-09-2009 à 21:07:14 (S | E)
bonjour,

je vous indique s'il y a des erreurs

"If you choose goods games like the new game which goes out , Nowadays you can work your «Code» or your memory with video-games!It's a very good & funny form of study
Video-games are also a good way to have a party with friends or to have a good time alone too,
You can learn to use the new technology (je mettrais un pluriel) , In fact young people can learn to use computers which are a very using tool of work (expression + adjectif à revoir) in all jobs...

However, it's entraine (verbe incorrect) a very bad psycholical (orthographe) dependency when they are played in enormous quantity, some young people spend hours to play (je ne mettais pas la forme en TO...) and forgot (temps?) to sleep then they don't work at school ans they have bad marks, they don't play with other youngs anymore too . The game it's (pourquoi doubler le sujet??=> calque du sujet, l'emphase se manifeste autrement en anglais) all for them , it's their drugs, One call them « No-lifes (roooh marque du pluriel irrégulier) » Because they don't really live!
Some games are very violent and they spread very abd picture of the (article?) life, in fact this pictures can touch the sensibility of young people and show bad idea (pluriel?) for the youngest, For instance the « Catch » games entraine (non!) acts of violence, Children knock other children (il manquerait une petite particule au verbe...) and for them it's just normal,

si vous avez besoin de précisions n'hésitez pas!

Amicalement

sébastien

Réponse: Worrying sides of video-games/correction de helmoute, postée le 20-09-2009 à 11:14:12 (S | E)
Bonjour, j'ai tenté de corriger mes erreurs: voilà ce que ça donne

If you choose good video-games like the new video-games which are on release,in fact nowadays you can work your «Code» or your memory with video-games! It's a very good and funny form of study.
Video-games are also a good way to have a party with friends or to have a good time alone too.
You can learn to use new technologies, In fact young people can learn to use computers which are very important tools in all jobs...

However, it's lead a very bad psychological dependence(addiction) when It is played in enormous quantity, some young people spend hours playing and forget to sleep then they don't work at school ans they have bad marks, they don't play with other young anymore too. The game is all for them, it's their drug, one nickname them « No-life » Because they don't really live!
Some games are very violent and they show very bad picture of life. In fact, those pictures can touch the sensitivity of young people and give younger ones bad ideas. For instance the « Catch » game lead acts of violence, children knock (down) other children and for them it's just normal.

PS: Merci beaucoup pour la correction précédente =D
J'ai remarqué que je faisais des fautes très bêtes que je pouvais éviter ...

Réponse: Worrying sides of video-games/correction de seb06000, postée le 20-09-2009 à 11:28:50 (S | E)
bonjour,

voici ce qu'il reste à corriger:

"it's lead a very bad " => forme du verbe et il manque une préposition après le verbe

"show very bad picture of life." => il manque un article

" touch the sensitivity" => je l'avais oublié, le verbe ne fonctionne pas ici

"lead acts of" => une fois de plus, forme du verbe + préposition à changer

Ne vous inquiétez pas, en anglais on dit ' learning by doing'

Sebastien

Réponse: Worrying sides of video-games/correction de helmoute, postée le 20-09-2009 à 12:05:13 (S | E)
Dernières corrections :

If you choose good video-games like the new video-games which are on release,in fact nowadays you can work your «Code» or your memory with video-games! It's a very good and funny form of study.
Video-games are also a good way to have a party with friends or to have a good time alone too.
You can learn to use new technologies, In fact young people can learn to use computers which are very important tools in all jobs...

However, it leads (to ?) a very bad psychological dependence(addiction) when It is played in enormous quantity, some young people spend hours playing and forget to sleep then they don't work at school ans they have bad marks, they don't play with other young anymore too. The game is all for them, it's their drug, one nickname them « No-life » Because they don't really live!
Some games are very violent and they show a very bad picture of life. In fact, those pictures can hurt young people's feelings and give younger ones bad ideas. For instance the « Catch » game leads violence acts, children knock (down) other children and for them it's just normal.

+ introduction : Nowadays, many people plays video-games for different reasons: the fun, somedays it's a hobby or just to escape from our world, but video-games have worrying sides, What they are ?

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Modifié par helmoute le 20-09-2009 12:08

Réponse: Worrying sides of video-games/correction de seb06000, postée le 20-09-2009 à 12:12:26 (S | E)
re

Oui là cela me semble correct!

Réponse: Worrying sides of video-games/correction de helmoute, postée le 20-09-2009 à 18:13:58 (S | E)
introduction : Nowadays, many people plays video-games for different reasons: the fun, somedays it's a hobby or just to escape from our world, but video-games have worrying sides, What they are ?

Réponse: Worrying sides of video-games/correction de seb06000, postée le 20-09-2009 à 18:26:03 (S | E)
voici les choses à corriger:

" Nowadays, many people plays (forme du verbe) video-games for different reasons: the (pas d'article, c'est le concept) fun, somedays (en deux mots) it's a hobby or just to escape from our world, but video-games have worrying sides, What they are ? ( construction de l'interrogative à revoir)"

Voilà

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