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Vérification/Charlotte was coming
Message de charlemagne91 posté le 23-03-2010 à 18:49:39 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
pouvez- vous m'aider à corriger les fautes de ce texte s'il vous plait?
Charlotte was coming back to home from a ball. She ran out into street because he saw a needy woman sleeping on the pavement. She would take a closer look.
Annie is young, has got a round face and a wide mouth. We learn that Charlotte knows Annie. In fact, Annie lived at Walden Hall. She had been a housemaid. She was a pretty girl (with a large bosom for example.)
2) Annie has not got married. She lost r job because her gossip was discovered. She lost the poor kind because he was born dead. Jimmy, the under-gardener, her boy friend ran away and Annie stayed alone, without home.
3) First, lord Walden called Charlotte a few instant. He reacted strict, rejected the poor Annie in rags. Suddenly, charlotte saw him as a big, smug, cruel old man.
He liked moral standards but at the end, he asked Annie.
4) Annie was allowed to enter the house because Charlotte insisted and requested it to her parents.
The mother disagree with C. but the daughter was allowed to invite A. by the Father more friendly than the mother !
That night, Ch. realized that the servants started work early. That more, she realized that she lived in a rich aristocratic family and that in the world, was many peoples, the have-nots, sleeping and living on kerb.
She realized that her father was strict. Her parents liked good manners, moral standards, and hart upbringing.
Finally, she thought that she was ignorant of many thinks, that the most important thinks had never been taught her.
6) Ch.’s parents were so surprising because she knew what did Annie and “who did it with”. It’s Jimmy, he “gave” her a child.
7) Ch. reproached her lack of inquiry, her education. She was unaware a long time that people in working class are poor. She thought so strict that servants expecting babies get dismissed.
She reproached that her parents hid many thinks.
Merci d'avance
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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-03-2010 18:53
titre
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Modifié par charlemagne91 le 23-03-2010 19:15
Message de charlemagne91 posté le 23-03-2010 à 18:49:39 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
pouvez- vous m'aider à corriger les fautes de ce texte s'il vous plait?
Charlotte was coming back to home from a ball. She ran out into street because he saw a needy woman sleeping on the pavement. She would take a closer look.
Annie is young, has got a round face and a wide mouth. We learn that Charlotte knows Annie. In fact, Annie lived at Walden Hall. She had been a housemaid. She was a pretty girl (with a large bosom for example.)
2) Annie has not got married. She lost r job because her gossip was discovered. She lost the poor kind because he was born dead. Jimmy, the under-gardener, her boy friend ran away and Annie stayed alone, without home.
3) First, lord Walden called Charlotte a few instant. He reacted strict, rejected the poor Annie in rags. Suddenly, charlotte saw him as a big, smug, cruel old man.
He liked moral standards but at the end, he asked Annie.
4) Annie was allowed to enter the house because Charlotte insisted and requested it to her parents.
The mother disagree with C. but the daughter was allowed to invite A. by the Father more friendly than the mother !
That night, Ch. realized that the servants started work early. That more, she realized that she lived in a rich aristocratic family and that in the world, was many peoples, the have-nots, sleeping and living on kerb.
She realized that her father was strict. Her parents liked good manners, moral standards, and hart upbringing.
Finally, she thought that she was ignorant of many thinks, that the most important thinks had never been taught her.
6) Ch.’s parents were so surprising because she knew what did Annie and “who did it with”. It’s Jimmy, he “gave” her a child.
7) Ch. reproached her lack of inquiry, her education. She was unaware a long time that people in working class are poor. She thought so strict that servants expecting babies get dismissed.
She reproached that her parents hid many thinks.
Merci d'avance
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-03-2010 18:53
titre
-------------------
Modifié par charlemagne91 le 23-03-2010 19:15
Réponse: Vérification/Charlotte was coming de prescott, postée le 24-03-2010 à 03:23:10 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Vous faites de gros efforts pour exprimer votre pensée (bravo!) mais, votre premier problème relève justement du "cours de la pensée", désordre des séquences ou des actions que vous narrez parfois en zigzag, mais disons que ce sont des fautes de jeunesse et une question de style.
Ensuite, il y a tellement de fautes (rouge) et de "mal dits"(mauve) qu'on ne sait pas trop par où commencer à corriger. Essayez de débroussailler déjà de ce côté.
Charlotte was coming back to home from a ball. She ran out into street[incompréhensible] because he saw a needy woman sleeping on the pavement. She would[wanted to] take a closer look.
Annie is young, has got a round face and a wide mouth. We learn[MD! "Il se trouve que" It turned out that Ch knew Annie] Charlotte knows Annie. In fact, Annie lived at Walden Hall. She had been[used to be] a housemaid. She was a pretty girl (with a large bosom for example.)[une poitrine exemplaire? Cut it out...]
2) Annie has not got married. She lost r job because her gossip was discovered. She lost the poor kind [baby?] because he was born dead. [stillborn] Jimmy, the under-gardener, her boyfriend ran away and Annie stayed alone, without home.
3) First, lord Walden called Charlotte a few instant. He reacted strict[adverbe!], rejected the poor Annie in rags. Suddenly, charlotte saw him as [ici, le présent irait bien] a big, smug, cruel old man.
He liked moral standards[pas clair, mal dit] but[il n'y pas contradiction!] at the end, he asked[accepta?] Annie.
4) Annie was allowed to enter the house because Charlotte insisted and requested [inverser les deux actions de Charlotte ou mieux n'utiliser aue "begged" qui cumule les deux sens] it to her parents.
The mother disagree with C. but the daughter was allowed to invite A. by the Father more friendly than the mother !
That night, Ch. realized that the servants started work early. That more, she realized that she lived in a rich aristocratic family and that in the world, was many peoples, the have-nots, sleeping and living on kerb.
She realized that her father was strict. Her parents liked good manners, moral standards, and hart upbringing.
Finally, she thought [realized] that she was ignorant of many thinks, that the most important thinks had never been taught ["to"] her. [phrase à refondre avec un passif]
6) Ch.’s parents were so surprising because she knew what did Annie [inverser S >V] and “who [she] did it with”. It’s Jimmy, he “gave” her a child [to adopt? How generous!].
7) Ch. reproached her lack of inquiry, her education. She was[longue action statique] unaware a long time that people in working class are poor. She thought [trouvait] so strict[cruel] that servants expecting babies get dismissed[renvoyées? dictionnaire].
She reproached that her parents hid many thinks.
Réponse: Vérification/Charlotte was coming de charlemagne91, postée le 24-03-2010 à 20:03:00 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup de votre réponse. Je vais tenter de corriger bpuis je posterai ma correction demain soir. (Tout semnle un peu décousu car les différentes parties sont des réponses à des questions de compréhension du texte.
merci beaucoup
Réponse: Vérification/Charlotte was coming de charlemagne91, postée le 25-03-2010 à 20:26:46 (S | E)
Et voilà la version corrigée. Est-ce bien?
Charlotte was coming back home from a ball. She ran out into the street because she saw a needy woman sleeping on the pavement. She would have liked to take a closer look.
Annie is young, has got a round face and a wide mouth. It turned out that Ch knew Annie. In fact, Annie lived at Walden Hall. She was a housemaid. She was a pretty girl.
2) Annie had not married. She lost her job because her gossip was discovered. She lost the poor baby because he was stillborn. Jimmy, the under-gardener, her boy friend ran away .Annie stayed alone and homeless.
3) First, Lord Walden called Charlotte a few instants. He reacted strictly, rejected the Annie in rags. Suddenly, charlotte sees him as a big, smug, cruel old man.
He liked moral standards but in the end, he asked Annie.
4) Annie was allowed to enter the house because Charlotte insisted and requested it from her parents.
The mother disagreed with C. but the daughter was allowed to invite A. by the Father more friendly than the mother!
That night, Ch. realized that the servants started work early. What’s more, she realized that she lived in a rich aristocratic family and that in the world, were many people, the have-nots, sleeping and living on kerb.
She realized that her father was strict. Her parents liked good manners, moral standards, and hard upbringing.
Finally, she realized that she was ignorant of many things, that the most important things had never been taught her.
6) Ch.’s parents were so surprised because she knew what had Annie done and “who she did it with”. It’s Jimmy, he “gave” her a child.
7) Ch. reproached her lack of inquiry, her education. She was unaware for long time that people in working class are poor. She found cruel that servants expecting babies get should be dismissed.
She reproached her parents for hiding many thinks.
Merci d'avance
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