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Ce que j'ai fait/correction
Message de tsape01 posté le 23-01-2011 à 00:34:15 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
s'il vous plait,j'aimerais que vous m'aidiezen corrigeant à corriger ce texte que j'ai produit.
Here is what I did during holidays:I left Yaounde wednesday,23.12.2011 because I was in Yaounde for the university.Now it is the holidays.
I took the bus which was going at Limbe.The driver took the road at zwelfe hours.We arrived well but the trip was too long and tiring.We arrived exactly at eighteen hours.I took a taxi to ROKHOTEL,our hotel which is right next to our family home.I was happy to see my whole family healthy.December 25,I went out with my family to the beach.The evening I went clubbing with my big brother and we returned the next day,december 26.The 26 to 31,we have stayed with the family.Evening of 31 December about twenty hours,we went to box my brother and me.At midnight I wished my brother a happy new year.When we were stating to dance,2 boys began to fight.My brother wanted to separete but we broke his arm.My brother has broken his arm since the Januar 1.2011.
The next morning,I returned.
Merci pour vos réponses.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-01-2011 09:38
Message de tsape01 posté le 23-01-2011 à 00:34:15 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
s'il vous plait,j'aimerais que vous m'aidiez
Here is what I did during holidays:I left Yaounde wednesday,23.12.2011 because I was in Yaounde for the university.Now it is the holidays.
I took the bus which was going at Limbe.The driver took the road at zwelfe hours.We arrived well but the trip was too long and tiring.We arrived exactly at eighteen hours.I took a taxi to ROKHOTEL,our hotel which is right next to our family home.I was happy to see my whole family healthy.December 25,I went out with my family to the beach.The evening I went clubbing with my big brother and we returned the next day,december 26.The 26 to 31,we have stayed with the family.Evening of 31 December about twenty hours,we went to box my brother and me.At midnight I wished my brother a happy new year.When we were stating to dance,2 boys began to fight.My brother wanted to separete but we broke his arm.My brother has broken his arm since the Januar 1.2011.
The next morning,I returned.
Merci pour vos réponses.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 23-01-2011 09:38
Réponse: Ce que j'ai fait/correction de gerondif, postée le 23-01-2011 à 12:02:02 (S | E)
Bonjour,
(Rappel des compléments de temps: in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, at night, on Monday, on Mondays, every Monday, on (Monday,) the twenty-fifth of December, in summer, in winter, in spring, in autumn, in 1998, in March 1998, on the second of March, 1998)
Here is (here is : on tend, on donne. this is: on montre)what I did during (manque un article défini)holidays:
I left Yaounde (normalement devant une date, on met "on", majuscule aux jours et aux mois)wednesday,23.12.2011(voir présentation anglaise des dates, comme sur le tableau des professeurs d'anglais) because I was in Yaounde for the university.Now it is the holidays.(We are on holiday serait plus courant)
I took the bus (which was going on pourrait s'en passer et ne mettre que la destination) at(at = à quand on y est. to=à quand on y va) Limbe.
The driver took the road (prit la route ? j'espère que ça se dit car je suis influencé par le français) at zwelfe(mélange d'anglais et d'allemand) hours.
(Vous vouliez dire qu'il démarra à midi ou que le voyage dura 12 heures ? le chauffeur conduisit pendant 12 heures, le voyage dura 12 heures)
We arrived well (traduction littérale de "nous sommes bien arrivés") but the trip was too long and tiring.
We arrived exactly at eighteen hours (normalement l'anglais compte sur 2 fois 12 heures am/pm et non pas sur 24 heures, sauf en langage international ou militaire).
I took a taxi to ROKHOTEL,our hotel which is right next to our family home.I was happy to see my whole family healthy.
On December 25** (l'américain ne met pas de th, l'anglais si),I went out with my family to the beach (j'aurais mis le complément de lieu en premier).
In The evening I went clubbing with my big brother and we returned the next day,***december 26**.
(Manque de , depuis)The 26*** to ***31***,we have stayed ( pas de present perfect si l'action est datée dans le passé et terminée, un souvenir)with the family.
*********Evening of ***31*** December about twenty hours,we went to box my brother and me (J'aurais mis my brother and me comme sujet sans we).
At midnight I wished my brother a happy new year.
When (j'aurais mis "as" plutôt que "when") we were starting to dance,2 boys began to fight.My brother wanted to separete them but we(nous?) broke his arm.
My brother has broken his arm since the Januar 1.2011(date mal présentée).(non, c'est son bras qui est cassé depuis le 1er janvier)(Januar est de l'allemand)
The next morning,I returned (bizarre sans complément de lieu).
Réponse: Ce que j'ai fait/correction de lary974, postée le 23-01-2011 à 19:24:54 (S | E)
Je t'apporte mon aide, mais je ne t'assure pas que mes phrases sont totalement justes. Je suis en plein apprentissage de la langue anglaise donc j'essaie de faire ce que je peux
Pour commencer:
_il manque
_Les phrases doivent être explicites
_tu dois mieux structurer ton texte
_J'ai l'impression que tu mélanges les pronoms aussi
Ce que je te propose:
I tell you about what happened during my holidays.
On Wednesday December 23th,I left in Yaounde because my university is there and Holidays begin.
I took bus which goes to Limbe and the bus' driver has taken the road during zwelfe hours. I've arrived eighteen later, the trip was so long and tired but I arrived well ( or in the good conditions ).
My hotel was in Rockhotel, which situated a close my family's home and where I took a taxi to go to see their.
On December 26th, I went to see their and I have been very happy because they are healthy.
On December 26th to 31st, I stayed with them.
On evening of December 31st about at twenty hours, my brother and me was going to a danse clubbing.
At midnight, I wished my brother a good year 2011.
After we went to dance, a few times later two boys started to fight and my brother wanted to seperate them but they broke his arm.
So, since January 1st, the first day of year 2011 my brother's arm has broken.
And tomorrow, in morning I'll have retourned to Yaounde.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 23-01-2011 20:02
C'est gentil de vouloir aider mais si vous rajoutez des fautes c'est néfaste pour le membre qui demande qu'on l'aide.
Réponse: Ce que j'ai fait/correction de gerondif, postée le 23-01-2011 à 19:35:25 (S | E)
Bonsoir, lary 974
vous avez ajouté quelques erreurs au texte d'origine ! Attention, vous aussi vous confondez their et them, entre autres.
I tell you about what happened during my holidays.
On Wednesday December 23th,I left in Yaounde because my university is there and **** Holidays begin.
I took **** bus which goes to Limbe and the bus' driver has taken the road during zwelfe hours. I've arrived eighteen **** later, the trip was so long and tired but I arrived well ( or in the good conditions ).
My hotel was in Rockhotel, which *** situated a close my family's home and where I took a taxi to go to see their.
On December 26th, I went to see their and I have been (temps)very happy because they are healthy.
On December 26th to 31st, I stayed with them.
On **** evening of December 31st at about twenty hours, my brother and me was going to a danse clubbing.
At midnight, I wished my brother a good year 2011.
After we went to dance, a few times later two boys started to fight and my brother wanted to seperate them but they broke his arm.
So, since January 1st, the first day of year 2011 my brother's arm has ****** broken.
And tomorrow, in ***** morning I'll have retourned to Yaounde.
Réponse: Ce que j'ai fait/correction de lary974, postée le 23-01-2011 à 23:44:49 (S | E)
Merci pour la correction.
Réponse: Ce que j'ai fait/correction de tsape01, postée le 27-01-2011 à 16:53:09 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
désolé pour le retard,j'étais gravement malade.Grand merci a Gerondif et aux autres correcteurs pour la correction.Voici un autre essai,s'il vous plait corrigez moi si c'est necessaire:
This is what I did during the holidays:
I left Yaounde on Wednesday,the 23th of December 2011.I took the bus which went to Limbe.The driver took the road at 12 o'clock(il a prit la route à midi).We arrived well.Exactly at 6 o'clock(pm).I took a taxi to my family home.I was happy to see my family healthy.On December 25th I went out to the beach with my family.In the evening I went clubbing with my brother and we returned the next day.From 26th to 31th of December,we stayed with the family.
In the evening on the 31th of December about 8 o'clock,my brother and me went to box.At midnight I wished my brother a happy new year.As we were starting to dance,2 boys began to fight.My brother wanted to separate but broken his arm.The next morning,I returned in yaoundé.
Merci pour vos réponses.
Réponse: Ce que j'ai fait/correction de headway, postée le 27-01-2011 à 17:03:05 (S | E)
Bonjour,
En complément:
Prendre la route= To hit the road.
Réponse: Ce que j'ai fait/correction de gerondif, postée le 27-01-2011 à 18:38:26 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
This is what I did during the holidays:
I left Yaounde on Wednesday,the 23th of December 2011.I took the bus (which went) to Limbe.The driver took the road at 12 o'clock(il a prit la route à midi).We arrived well.Exactly at 6 o'clock(pm).I took a taxi to my family home.I was happy to see my family healthy.On December 25th I went out to the beach with my family.In the evening I went clubbing with my brother and we (plutôt we came back au sens de rentrer, revenir à la maison)returned the next day.From the 26th to the 31th of December,we stayed with the family.
In the evening on the 31th of December about 8 o'clock,my brother and me (plutôt I) went to box.At midnight I wished my brother a happy new year.As we were starting to dance,2 boys began to fight.My brother wanted to separate but broken his arm.The next morning,I returned in (déplacement) yaoundé.
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