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Correction / texte pour oral
Message de emen56 posté le 02-02-2011 à 17:51:25 (S | E | F)
Hello,
J'aimerais bien avoir un regard "d'expert" sur la préparation de mon oral, alors si quelqu'un prend le temps deme reprendre pour m'indiquer mes erreurs éventuelles, ce serait vraiment sympathique !
Merci d'avance.
My speech is about the Olympic Games 2012 and especially the stakes for the host city, London. Because as you probably know On July 2005 the International Olympic committee announced the attribution of the organization of the 2012 Olympic Games at London, to the detriment of cities like Madrid, Moscow, New York city or also Paris.
So, I have chosen this subject because besides being sportingly attractive, the Olympic Games are one of the biggest event, followed by viewers all over the world (according to one estimate, four billion viewers will follow the event in 2012), we can guess that London wants to show the best of the city, therefore the stakes are really important for London, and i think it’s really interesting to understand the stakes and the consequences for the city (good consequences but also bad consequences for some people)
First of all, I’d like to speak about the economic issues, probably the most important and then, I will speak about a new stake for Olympic games : the ecology.
I- The economic issues
Growth, tourism, sponsorship, TV rights...The 33rd Olympic Games in the modern era, which will open in summer 2012 in London, are subject to significant economic challenges.
From a projected budget of 3 billion euros, it reached 12 billion euros, that is to say four times more. But the current world financial crisis is hardly favourable to such an overspend on the budget.
The social commitment goes was a promise of the nomination of London. Therefore, the city has hired former unemployed and young people from the 5 boroughs of London to the workforce. This allows them to contribute to the building, find work and help them reintegrate into society while respecting the environment.
Today, the majority of revenue comes from television rights and business partners. The spillover and infrastructure like sports equipment, but also civil engineering, hotels... are also crucial for host cities.
Organizer of the 2012 Olympics, London is already concern about the bill. The financial crisis, coupled with a housing crisis, complicate the assembling operation. And the budget can be multiplied by 3.
II- The ecology stake
Now I'll talk about the green card played by the organizers of London Olympics who opted for preparations that emphasize ecology. Indeed, after pollution caused by site and stadium constructions in Beijing during the Olympics in 2008, organizers of the 2012 Games in London have agreed to build facilities cleaner and greener.To illustrate my purpose, I can speak about the recyclable Olympic stadium will be built by 2012. The stadium will have a structure looking like a circus with an aspect bolted, thereby facilitating its dismantling at the end of the competition. But what is fabulous in this idea is that the structure will be manufactured in recyclable polymer. This type of raw material decreased by 30% the negative consequences related to pollution.This stadium will host more than 80,000 people and after the Olympics, he will host other events.
Apart from the green Olympic stadium, the organizers give themselves wholly to implement sustainable development. Thus, a natural reserve was created around the stadium. This area of 10 000 meters will host some species present in London. The campaign Green Tourism for London, launched in October 2007, aims to encourage hotels, bed & breakfast, conference rooms and venues to adopt a sensitive policy environment. Furthermore, the flame that
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Modifié par emen56 le 02-02-2011 17:54
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-02-2011 19:08
Message de emen56 posté le 02-02-2011 à 17:51:25 (S | E | F)
Hello,
J'aimerais bien avoir un regard "d'expert" sur la préparation de mon oral, alors si quelqu'un prend le temps de
Merci d'avance.
My speech is about the Olympic Games 2012 and especially the stakes for the host city, London. Because as you probably know On July 2005 the International Olympic committee announced the attribution of the organization of the 2012 Olympic Games at London, to the detriment of cities like Madrid, Moscow, New York city or also Paris.
So, I have chosen this subject because besides being sportingly attractive, the Olympic Games are one of the biggest event, followed by viewers all over the world (according to one estimate, four billion viewers will follow the event in 2012), we can guess that London wants to show the best of the city, therefore the stakes are really important for London, and i think it’s really interesting to understand the stakes and the consequences for the city (good consequences but also bad consequences for some people)
First of all, I’d like to speak about the economic issues, probably the most important and then, I will speak about a new stake for Olympic games : the ecology.
I- The economic issues
Growth, tourism, sponsorship, TV rights...The 33rd Olympic Games in the modern era, which will open in summer 2012 in London, are subject to significant economic challenges.
From a projected budget of 3 billion euros, it reached 12 billion euros, that is to say four times more. But the current world financial crisis is hardly favourable to such an overspend on the budget.
The social commitment goes was a promise of the nomination of London. Therefore, the city has hired former unemployed and young people from the 5 boroughs of London to the workforce. This allows them to contribute to the building, find work and help them reintegrate into society while respecting the environment.
Today, the majority of revenue comes from television rights and business partners. The spillover and infrastructure like sports equipment, but also civil engineering, hotels... are also crucial for host cities.
Organizer of the 2012 Olympics, London is already concern about the bill. The financial crisis, coupled with a housing crisis, complicate the assembling operation. And the budget can be multiplied by 3.
II- The ecology stake
Now I'll talk about the green card played by the organizers of London Olympics who opted for preparations that emphasize ecology. Indeed, after pollution caused by site and stadium constructions in Beijing during the Olympics in 2008, organizers of the 2012 Games in London have agreed to build facilities cleaner and greener.To illustrate my purpose, I can speak about the recyclable Olympic stadium will be built by 2012. The stadium will have a structure looking like a circus with an aspect bolted, thereby facilitating its dismantling at the end of the competition. But what is fabulous in this idea is that the structure will be manufactured in recyclable polymer. This type of raw material decreased by 30% the negative consequences related to pollution.This stadium will host more than 80,000 people and after the Olympics, he will host other events.
Apart from the green Olympic stadium, the organizers give themselves wholly to implement sustainable development. Thus, a natural reserve was created around the stadium. This area of 10 000 meters will host some species present in London. The campaign Green Tourism for London, launched in October 2007, aims to encourage hotels, bed & breakfast, conference rooms and venues to adopt a sensitive policy environment. Furthermore, the flame that
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Modifié par emen56 le 02-02-2011 17:54
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 02-02-2011 19:08
Réponse: Correction / texte pour oral de gerondif, postée le 02-02-2011 à 18:48:35 (S | E)
Bonjour,
vert: correction déjà effectuée; rouge: à corriger
My speech is about the 2012 Olympic Games and especially the stakes for the host city, London. Because as you probably know On July 2005 the International Olympic committee announced the attribution of the organization of the 2012 Olympic Games at London, to the detriment of cities like Madrid, Moscow, New York city or also Paris.
So, I have chosen this subject because besides being sportingly attractive, the Olympic Games are one of the biggest events, followed by viewers all over the world (according to one estimate, four billion viewers will follow the event in 2012), we can guess that London wants to show the best of the city, therefore the stakes are really important for London, and i think it’s really interesting to understand the stakes and the consequences for the city (good consequences but also bad consequences for some people)
First of all, I’d like to speak about the economic issues, probably the most important (adjectif seul, je rajouterais "one") and then, I will speak about a new stake for the Olympic games : the ecology. (généralité)
I- The economic issues
Growth, tourism, sponsorship, TV rights...The 33rd Olympic Games in the modern era, which will open in summer 2012 in London, are subject to significant economic challenges.
From a projected budget of 3 billion euros, it reached 12 billion euros, that is to say four times more (les puristes diraient 4 times as much). But the current world financial crisis is hardly favourable to such an overspend on the budget.
The social commitment goes was (2 verbes! sens ?)a promise of the nomination of London. Therefore, the city has hired former unemployed and young people from the 5 boroughs of London to the workforce. This allows them to contribute to the building, find work and help them reintegrate into society while respecting the environment.
Today, the majority of revenue comes from television rights and business partners. The spillover and infrastructure like sports equipment, but also civil engineering, hotels... are also crucial for host cities.
Organizer of the 2012 Olympics, London is already concern(participe passé) about the bill. The financial crisis, coupled with a housing crisis, complicate(présent 3 ème personne) the assembling operation. And the budget can be multiplied by 3.(pourrait could, may might..)
Réponse: Correction / texte pour oral de gerondif, postée le 02-02-2011 à 18:52:23 (S | E)
suite (texte trop long avec les corrections)
II- The ecology stake
Now I'll talk about the green card played by the organizers of the London Olympics who opted for preparations that emphasize ecology. Indeed, after pollution caused by site and stadium constructions in Beijing during the Olympics in 2008, organizers of the 2012 Games in London have agreed to build cleaner and greener facilities .To illustrate my purpose, I can speak about the recyclable Olympic stadium ****(qui sera construit, manque le relatif) will be built by 2012. The stadium will have a structure looking like a circus with an bolted aspect , thereby facilitating its dismantling at the end of the competition. But what is fabulous in this idea is that the structure will be manufactured in recyclable polymer. This type of raw material decreased(pourquoi un prétérit) by 30% the negative consequences related to pollution.This stadium will host more than 80,000 people and after the Olympics, he will host other events.
Apart from the green Olympic stadium, the organizers give themselves wholly to implement sustainable development. Thus, a natural reserve was created around the stadium. This area of 10 000 meters will host some species present in London. The "Green Tourism for London" campaign , launched in October 2007, aims to encourage hotels, bed & breakfast, conference rooms and venues to adopt a sensitive policy environment. Furthermore, the flame that.......... (fin un peu abrupte )
Réponse: Correction / texte pour oral de emen56, postée le 02-02-2011 à 19:05:06 (S | E)
Tout d'abord merci pour votre aide précieuse, j'ai donc corrigé mon texte :
My speech is about the 2012 Olympic Games and especially the stakes for the host city, London. Because as you probably know On July 2005 the International Olympic committee announced the attribution of the organization of the 2012 Olympic Games to London, to the detriment of cities like Madrid, Moscow, New York city or also Paris.
So, I have chosen this subject because besides being sportingly attractive, the Olympic Games are one of the biggest events, followed by viewers all over the world (according to one estimate, four billion viewers will follow the event in 2012), we can guess that London wants to show the best of the city, therefore the stakes are really important for London, and I think it’s really interesting to understand the stakes and the consequences for the city (good consequences but also bad consequences for some people)
First of all, I’d like to speak about the economic issues, probably one of the most important and then, I will speak about a new stake for the Olympic games : ecology.
I- The economic issues
Growth, tourism, sponsorship, TV rights...The 33rd Olympic Games in the modern era, which will open in summer 2012 in London, are subject to significant economic challenges.
From a projected budget of 3 billion euros, it reached 12 billion euros, that is to say four times as much. But the current world financial crisis is hardly favourable to such an overspend on the budget.
The social commitment was a promise of the nomination of London. Therefore, the city has hired former unemployed and young people from the 5 boroughs of London to the workforce. This allows them to contribute to the building, find work and help them reintegrate into society while respecting the environment.
Today, the majority of revenue comes from television rights and business partners. The spillover and infrastructure like sports equipment, but also civil engineering, hotels... are also crucial for host cities.
Organizer of the 2012 Olympics, London is already concerned about the bill. The financial crisis, coupled with a housing crisis, complicates the assembling operation. And the budget could be multiplied by 3
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Modifié par emen56 le 02-02-2011 19:05
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Modifié par lucile83 le 02-02-2011 19:10
Réponse: Correction / texte pour oral de gerondif, postée le 02-02-2011 à 19:11:57 (S | E)
correction 2:
My speech is about the 2012 Olympic Games and especially the stakes for the host city, London. Because as you probably know On July 2005 the International Olympic committee announced the attribution of the organization of the 2012 Olympic Games to London, to the detriment of cities like Madrid, Moscow, New York city or also Paris.
So, I have chosen this subject because besides being sportingly attractive, the Olympic Games are one of the biggest events, followed by viewers all over the world (according to one estimate, four billion viewers will follow the event in 2012), we can guess that London wants to show the best of the city, therefore the stakes are really important for London, and I think it’s really interesting to understand the stakes and the consequences for the city (good consequences but also bad consequences for some people)
First of all, I’d like to speak about the economic issue, probably the most important one and then, I will speak about a new stake for the Olympic games : ecology.
I- The economic issues
Growth, tourism, sponsorship, TV rights...The 33rd Olympic Games in the modern era, which will open in summer 2012 in London, are subject to significant economic challenges.
From a projected budget of 3 billion euros, it reached 12 billion euros, that is to say four times as much. But the current world financial crisis is hardly favourable to such an overspend on the budget.
The social commitment was a promise of the nomination of London. Therefore, the city has hired former unemployed and young people from the 5 boroughs of London to the workforce. This allows them to contribute to the building, find work and helps them reintegrate into society while respecting the environment.
Today, the majority of revenue comes from television rights and business partners. The spillover and infrastructure like sports equipment, but also civil engineering, hotels... are also crucial for host cities.
Organizer of the 2012 Olympics, London is already concerned about the bill. The financial crisis, coupled with a housing crisis, complicates the assembling operation. And the budget could be multiplied by 3
Réponse: Correction / texte pour oral de emen56, postée le 02-02-2011 à 19:14:03 (S | E)
Désolé pour la fin coupée, je l'ai donc rajouté ! Encore merci pour votre aide. La deuxième partie corrigée :
Now I'll talk about the green card played by the organizers of the London Olympics who opted for preparations that emphasize ecology. Indeed, after pollution caused by site and stadium constructions in Beijing during the Olympics in 2008, organizers of the 2012 Games in London have agreed to build cleaner and greener facilities .To illustrate my purpose, I can speak about the recyclable Olympic stadium who will be completed very soon, in fact the stadium will have a structure looking like a circus with an bolted aspect , thereby facilitating its dismantling at the end of the competition. But what is fabulous in this idea is that the structure will be manufactured in recyclable polymer. This type of raw material decrease by 30% the negative consequences related to pollution.This stadium will host more than 80,000 people and after the Olympics, it will host other events.
Apart from the green Olympic stadium, the organizers give themselves wholly to implement sustainable development. Thus, a natural reserve was created around the stadium. This area of 10 000 meters will host some species present in London. The "Green Tourism for London" campaign , launched in October 2007, aims to encourage hotels, bed & breakfast, conference rooms and venues to adopt a sensitive policy environment. Furthermore, the flame that will burn during the Olympics in 2012 will use fuel with a low rate of carbon dioxide.
So we can deduce that London wants to show at the entire world a picture of "green city"!
Réponse: Correction / texte pour oral de gerondif, postée le 02-02-2011 à 19:18:47 (S | E)
correction 2 (vous êtes un opposant aux s de troisième personne du présent simple ?)
Now I'll talk about the green card played by the organizers of the London Olympics who opted for preparations that emphasize ecology. Indeed, after pollution caused by site and stadium constructions in Beijing during the Olympics in 2008, organizers of the 2012 Games in London have agreed to build cleaner and greener facilities .To illustrate my purpose, I can speak about the recyclable Olympic stadium who (un stade n'est pas un humain)will be completed very soon, in fact the stadium will have a structure looking like a circus with an bolted aspect , thereby facilitating its dismantling at the end of the competition. But what is fabulous in this idea is that the structure will be manufactured in recyclable polymer. This type of raw material decreaseS by 30% the negative consequences related to pollution.This stadium will host more than 80,000 people and after the Olympics, it will host other events.
Apart from the green Olympic stadium, the organizers give themselves wholly to implement sustainable development. Thus, a natural reserve was created around the stadium. This area of 10 000 meters will host some species present in London. The "Green Tourism for London" campaign , launched in October 2007, aims to encourage hotels, bed & breakfast, conference rooms and venues to adopt a sensitive policy environment. Furthermore, the flame that will burn during the Olympics in 2012 will use fuel with a low rate of carbon dioxide.
So we can deduce that London wants to show at the entire world a picture of "** green city"! (l'image d'une ville verte)
Réponse: Correction / texte pour oral de emen56, postée le 02-02-2011 à 19:23:36 (S | E)
Vous avez remarqué, en effet j'ai tendance à les oublier ! Alors dernière correction je l'espère :
Now I'll talk about the green card played by the organizers of the London Olympics who opted for preparations that emphasize ecology. Indeed, after pollution caused by site and stadium constructions in Beijing during the Olympics in 2008, organizers of the 2012 Games in London have agreed to build cleaner and greener facilities .To illustrate my purpose, I can speak about the recyclable Olympic stadium that will be completed very soon, in fact the stadium will have a structure looking like a circus with an bolted aspect , thereby facilitating its dismantling at the end of the competition. But what is fabulous in this idea is that the structure will be manufactured in recyclable polymer. This type of raw material decreaseS by 30% the negative consequences related to pollution.This stadium will host more than 80,000 people and after the Olympics, it will host other events.
Apart from the green Olympic stadium, the organizers give themselves wholly to implement sustainable development. Thus, a natural reserve was created around the stadium. This area of 10 000 meters will host some species present in London. The "Green Tourism for London" campaign , launched in October 2007, aims to encourage hotels, bed & breakfast, conference rooms and venues to adopt a sensitive policy environment. Furthermore, the flame that will burn during the Olympics in 2012 will use fuel with a low rate of carbon dioxide.
So we can deduce that London wants to show to the entire world the picture of "a green city"!
Réponse: Correction / texte pour oral de gerondif, postée le 02-02-2011 à 19:46:25 (S | E)
un oubli:
the organizers of the 2012 Games in London have agreed to build cleaner and greener facilities (ils sont définis)
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