Correction/dialogue

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Correction/dialogue
Message de vitellus posté le 13-02-2011 à 20:20:30 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir à tous,
serait-il possible d'avoir une correction pour ce sujet traitant d'un dialogue entre frère et soeur?
Merci d'avance!

Carlos, the narrator, and his sister Mary are talking about the future, to employ an apt about their studying :
'Hey Mary! What's up? You decide not to go to university? What's up with you? The parents are troubled about your decision? It doesn't adds up? You who intoxicate us for years to study to become an engineer! There's something in the wind! Maybe a man? Are you in love?'
'Carlos! Fiddlesticks!'
'What I said? I simply ask!'
'You fire questions!'
'No. I am also a little bit bewildered as regards about your decision. You, who are so clever, you have an extraordinary reason capacity and you will nothing more or less knock off. I don't understand... Do you maybe want to get a job?'
'Not really...'
'What is it, then? Tell me Mary I am your brother and there are any hole-and-corners between us.'
'All right I spell the beans... I... I want...'
'You want...?'
'I want to travel around the world!'
'What? Knock off to travel?'
'You pull a wry face or even you look so gloomy! You have got the same face as daddy in this kind of situation!'
'Wow! If I expected it. But why?'
'I am sick and tired of the school, this kind of life whither everything is only debauchery and superfluous! I want to meet with myself, to be in sync with the nature, not to depend more than on myself, to enjoy a natural freedom far from the echoes of big cities. A little as in Sean Penn's movie which is named moreover Into the wild. I want my quest of the happiness through the independence and the solitude.'
'You totally flip out! Never you will make that! You are crazy!
'Never say never!'
'Fair enough! Go to tell that dad and mum and you will see their reaction.'
'Yeah, we'll see!'

Carlos goes away by laughing about a fat laughter towards the ground floor and shouts in the bottom staircase :
'And above all don't make a mistake about plants!'
Mary burst into tears.

-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 13-02-2011 21:06

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de gerondif, postée le 13-02-2011 à 21:03:12 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

si vous faites confiance à votre outil de traduction, allez y ! Beaucoup de phrases sont construites de façon fort bizarre.

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de vitellus, postée le 13-02-2011 à 21:05:13 (S | E)
Je me suis aidé d'un dictionnaire sur Internet, qui propose pas mal de citations, Babla pour ne pas le citer.

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de vitellus, postée le 13-02-2011 à 21:34:47 (S | E)
Ce texte émane déjà de moi et il me serait difficile d'en discerner les fautes. Certes je vieux bien le retravailler pour essayer de voir là où j'ai failli, mais comme vous le savez très bien puisque vous avez vous aussi passé des épreuves, il est toujours difficile de trouver ses fautes lors de la relecture, puisque nous sommes imprégnés par notre style d'écriture.

Sur ce je m'y attelle de ce pas.

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de gerondif, postée le 13-02-2011 à 22:55:37 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
si je compare votre texte et le texte "healthy food" voisin où j'ai apporté quelques corrections, je vois dans ce dernier cas un texte compréhensible avec quelques menues maladresses alors que dans le votre, je vois une trame française, avec des structures françaises traduites en anglais comme vos formes interrogatives sans inversions (qu'est-ce que j'ai dit ? traduit par "what I said ?" qui fait très traducteur), ou du mot-à-mot (tu nous saoules depuis des années: you intoxicate ....) et un langage familier français traduit avec des structures qui viennent alourdir le tout. Certaines phrases sont incompréhensibles comme ce "apt" ou cachotteries ? traduit par "hole and corners".
En fait, il est difficile d'ajuster un langage familier d'une langue à l'autre, votre texte en langage jeune est maladroit en anglais.

bleu: formes interrogatives rouge : erreur ou pas de sens vert: corrections offertes

Carlos, the narrator, and his sister Mary are talking about the future, to employ an apt about their studying :
'Hey Mary! What's up? You decide not to go to university? What's up with you? The parents are troubled about your decision? It doesn't adds up? You who intoxicate us for years to study to become an engineer! There's something in the wind! Maybe a man? Are you in love?'
'Carlos! Fiddlesticks!'
'What I said? I simply ask!'
'You fire questions!'
'No. I am also a little bit bewildered as regards about(en trop) your decision. You, who are so clever, you have an extraordinary reason***** capacity and you will(ne veut pas dire vouloir) nothing more or less knock off. I don't understand... Do you maybe want to get a job?'
'Not really...'
'What is it, then? Tell me Mary I am your brother and there are any hole-and-corners between us.'
'All right I spell the beans... I... I want...'
'You want...?'
'I want to travel around the world!'
'What? Knock off to travel?'
'You pull a wry face or even you look so gloomy! You have got the same face as daddy in this kind of situation!'
'Wow! If I expected it. But why?'
'I am sick and tired of the school, this kind of life whithers everything and is only debauchery and superfluous! I want to meet with myself, to be in sync with the nature, not to depend more than on (ne plus dépendre que de moi même ?)myself, to enjoy a natural freedom far from the echoes of big cities. A little as in Sean Penn's movie which is named moreover?? Into the wild. I want my quest of the happiness through the independence and the solitude.'
'You totally flip out! Never(mal placé "jamais tu feras ça?" en mot-à-mot) you will make that! You are crazy!
'Never say never!'
'Fair enough! Go to tell that to dad and mum and you will see their reaction.'
'Yeah, we'll see!'

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de vitellus, postée le 13-02-2011 à 23:24:59 (S | E)
Carlos, the narrator, and his sister Mary are talking about the future, to employ an apt about (comment dire "plus précisément"? their studying :
'Hey Mary! What's up? You decide not to go to university! What's up with you? The parents are troubled about your decision! It doesn't adds up? You who annoy us for years to study to become an engineer! There's something in the wind! Maybe a man? Are you in love?'
'Carlos! Fiddlesticks!'
'What did I say? I simply ask!'
'You fire questions!'
'No. I am also a little bit bewildered as regards your decision. You, who are so clever, you have an extraordinary reason***** capacity and you want nothing more or less to knock off. I don't understand... Do you maybe want to get a job?'
'Not really...'
'What is it, then? Tell me Mary I am your brother and there are no secrets between us.'
'All right I spell the beans... I... I want...'
'You want...?'
'I want to travel around the world!'
'What? Knock off to travel?'
'You pull a wry face or even you look so gloomy! You have got the same face as daddy in this kind of situation!'
'Wow! If I did expect that. But why?'
'I am sick and tired of the school, this kind of life whither (je veux dire "où") everything and is only debauchery and superfluous! I want to meet with myself, to be in sync with nature, not to depend more than on (ne plus dépendre que de moi même ? ==> Comment le traduire?)myself, to enjoy a natural freedom far from the echoes of big cities. A little bit like so in Sean Penn's movie which is named Into the wild. I want my quest of happiness through independence and solitude.'
'You totally flip out! Will you make never that? You are crazy!
'Never say never!'
'Fair enough! Go to tell that to dad and mum and you will see their reaction.'
'Yeah, we'll see!'

Et comme ceci?

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de gerondif, postée le 13-02-2011 à 23:40:55 (S | E)
Re bonsoir,

Voyez cette erreur typique d'un traducteur:
ce genre de vie ou tout n'est que débauche et superflu.
vous oubliez l'accent sur le où et ça devient whether : ou au sens de si.

Moi, j'avais cru voir le verbe to wither: flétrir: ce type de vie flétrit tout .
autre erreur du traducteur: superflu est un nom en français mais sera traduit par un adjectif par la machine.

Même avec du replâtrage, je trouve votre texte indigeste.

Carlos, the narrator, and his sister Mary are talking about the future, to employ an apt about (comment dire "plus précisément"? their studying :
'Hey Mary! What's up? You decide not to go to university! What's up with you? The parents are troubled about your decision! It doesn't adds up? You who annoy us for years to study to become an engineer! There's something in the wind! Maybe a man? Are you in love?'
'Carlos! Fiddlesticks!'
'What did I say? I simply ask (en ing)!'
'You fire questions!'
'No. I am also a little bit bewildered as regards your decision. You, who are so clever, you have an extraordinary reason***** capacity and you want nothing more or less to knock off. I don't understand... Do you maybe want to get a job?'
'Not really...'
'What is it, then? Tell me Mary I am your brother and there are no secrets between us.'
'All right I spell the beans... I... I want...'
'You want...?'
'I want to travel around the world!'
'What? Knock off to travel?'
'You pull a wry face or even you look so gloomy! You have got the same face as daddy in this kind of situation!'
'Wow! If I did expect that. But why?'
'I am sick and tired of the school, this kind of life whither (je veux dire "où") everything and is only debauchery and superfluous! I want to meet with myself, to be in sync with nature, not to depend more than on (ne plus dépendre que de moi même ? ==> Comment le traduire?)myself, to enjoy a natural freedom far from the echoes of big cities. A little bit like so in Sean Penn's movie which is named Into the wild. I want my quest of happiness through independence and solitude.'
'You totally flip out! Will you make never that (Vous me rappelez Monsieur Jourdain et ses phrases à l'envers)? You are crazy!
'Never say never!'
'Fair enough! Go to tell that to dad and mum and you will see their reaction.'
'Yeah, we'll see!'

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de vitellus, postée le 14-02-2011 à 00:00:59 (S | E)
Bonsoir :

J'aurais besoin de la traduction suivante :
- tu nous embêtes depuis si longtemps

Carlos, the narrator, and his sister Mary are talking about their studying :
'Hey Mary! What's up? You decide not to go to university! What's up with you? The parents are troubled about your decision! It doesn't add up? You who annoy us for years to study to become an engineer! There's something in the wind! Maybe a man? Are you in love?'
'Carlos! Fiddlesticks!'
'What did I say? I simply asking!'
'You fire questions!'
'No. I am also a little bit bewildered as regards your decision. You, who are so clever, you have an extraordinary reason (je ne vois pas ce qu'il faut mettre?) capacity and you want nothing more or less to knock off. I don't understand... Do you maybe want to get a job?'
'Not really...'
'What is it, then? Tell me Mary I am your brother and there are no secrets between us.'
'All right I spill the beans... I... I want...'
'You want...?'
'I want to travel around the world!'
'What? Knock off to travel?'
'You pull a wry face or even you look so gloomy! You have got the same face as daddy in this kind of situation!'
'Wow! But why?'
'I am sick and tired of the school, this kind of life where everything and is only debauchery and superfluous! I want to meet with myself, to be in sync with nature, to depend myself, to enjoy a natural freedom far from the echoes of big cities. A little bit like so in Sean Penn's movie which is named Into the wild. I want my quest of happiness through independence and solitude.'
'You totally flip out! You will never made that! You are crazy!
'Never say never!'
'Fair enough! Go to tell that to dad and mum and you will see their reaction.'
'Yeah, we'll see!'

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de vitellus, postée le 14-02-2011 à 21:47:15 (S | E)
Bonsoir j'ai peut-être trouvé:

Carlos, the narrator, and his sister Mary are talking about their studying :
'Hey Mary! What's up? You decide not to go to university! What's up with you? The parents are troubled about your decision! It doesn't add up? You bother to us so long to become an engineer. There's something in the wind! Maybe a man? Are you in love?'
'Carlos! Fiddlesticks!'
'What did I say? I simply asking!'
'You fire questions!'
'No. I am also a little bit bewildered as regards your decision. You, who are so clever, you have an extraordinary capacity to reason and you want nothing more or less to knock off. I don't understand... Do you maybe want to get a job?'
'Not really...'
'What is it, then? Tell me Mary I am your brother and there are no secrets between us.'
'All right I spill the beans... I... I want...'
'You want...?'
'I want to travel around the world!'
'What? Knock off to travel?'
'You pull a wry face or even you look so gloomy! You have got the same face as daddy in this kind of situation!'
'Wow! But why?'
'I am sick and tired of the school, this kind of life where everything and is only debauchery and superfluous! I want to meet with myself, to be in sync with nature, to depend myself, to enjoy a natural freedom far from the echoes of big cities. A little bit like so in Sean Penn's movie which is named Into the wild. I want my quest of happiness through independence and solitude.'
'You totally flip out! You will never made that! You are crazy!
'Never say never!'
'Fair enough! Go to tell that to dad and mum and you will see their reaction.'
'Yeah, we'll see!'

Comme cela?

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de gerondif, postée le 14-02-2011 à 23:59:34 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

Carlos, the narrator, and his sister Mary are talking about their studying :
'Hey Mary! What's up? You decide not to go to university! What's up with you? The parents are troubled about your decision! It doesn't add up (sens?)? You bother to us so long to become an engineer.(le dictionnaire en ligne donne: to bother sb with ennuyer qn avec (details, problems);
There's something in the wind! Maybe a man? Are you in love?'
'Carlos! Fiddlesticks!'(bizarre)

'What did I say? I was simply asking!'(il faut un auxiliaire être avec une forme en ing)
'You fire questions!'(sens?)
'No. I am also a little bit bewildered as regards your decision. You, who are so clever, you have an extraordinary capacity to reason and you want nothing more or less(utilisez to suddenly decide) to knock off. I don't understand... Do you maybe want to get a job?'
'Not really...'
'What is it, then? Tell me Mary, I am your brother and there are no secrets between us.'
'All right I spill the beans (ne convient pas trop)... I... I want...'
'You want...?'
'I want to travel around the world!'
'What? Knock off to travel?'
'You pull a wry face or even you look so gloomy (collage de deux expressions, une seule est déjà suffisante)! You have got the same face as daddy in this kind of situation!'
'Wow! But why?'
'I am sick and tired of the school, this kind of life where everything and(que vient faire ce "et " ici ?) is only debauchery and superfluous! I want to meet with myself, to be in sync with nature, to depend on myself, to enjoy a natural freedom far from the echoes of big cities. A little bit like so in Sean Penn's movie which is named Into the wild. I want my quest of happiness through independence and solitude.'
'You totally flip out! You will never made (il faut l'infinitif sans to, la base verbale de l'autre verbe faire)that! You are crazy!
'Never say never!'
'Fair enough! Go to and tell that to dad and mum and you will see their reaction.'
'Yeah, we'll see!'

Réponse: Correction/dialogue de vitellus, postée le 28-02-2011 à 16:24:26 (S | E)
Thank you very much!

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