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Cover letter/correction
Message de mb30100 posté le 17-03-2011 à 10:40:29 (S | E | F)
bonjour à tous,
j'ai préparé ce texte pour un oral. Pourriez-vous m'aider à le corriger s'il vous plaît?
Merci d'avance(s) et vive anglaisfacile.com
My name is Mxxx and i’m 23 years old. I live in xxx.
I’ve been attending a two year of sandwich course in the formation center Ixxx from Axxx and alternately in the car-dealership ales VI for obtain a BTS negotiation and relationship with customers and to become car-dealer.That is to say I go to school two days a week and I work the rest of the week in turn in the car-dealership Axxx VI.
Axxx VI is situated in the industrial park of Bxxx it’s near of the Axxx hospital.
Axxx VI is a car-dealership of utility vehicles of Vxxx, it’s a repairer agent Vxxx and Man trucks and a sales agent Vxxx utility.
In this company he have two others cars-dealerships it’s VVO Cxxx and MVI Exxx , they are located in the region of Vaucluse.
I ‘m commercial representative and I’ve been in charge of selling the utility vehicles. For that I have need to making a customer’s file and with this file I make a phoning for meet the customer’s interested by the utility vehicles. For example I can call a plumber or an ambulance company because generally this professionals haves needs of utility vehicles.
During the meeting with the customer I asking him for finding this needs and I proposed a vehicles adapted for the customer needs.
If it’s possible I negotiated the price with the customer, If It’s to expansive for him maybe I can lower the price with a discount accorded on this vehicles.
I evaluated the payment conditions with the customer (cash or in several time). After with agree of the customer and with this signature I can take the order of him vehicle with the name of the car choosing and the options selected by the customer with me.
When I receive the vehicle I calling the customer for know if I going in this home or if he prefer take the vehicle in the garage.
For finish I explain to the customer the functioning of the options, for examples: Automatic Box, Bluetooth… and I give the key at my customer.
More later I will call the customer for know if everything it’s all right with the vehicle for make a good customer care and feedback.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 18-03-2011 08:08
Message de mb30100 posté le 17-03-2011 à 10:40:29 (S | E | F)
bonjour à tous,j'ai préparé ce texte pour un oral. Pourriez-vous m'aider à le corriger s'il vous plaît?
Merci d'avance
My name is Mxxx and i’m 23 years old. I live in xxx.
I’ve been attending a two year of sandwich course in the formation center Ixxx from Axxx and alternately in the car-dealership ales VI for obtain a BTS negotiation and relationship with customers and to become car-dealer.That is to say I go to school two days a week and I work the rest of the week in turn in the car-dealership Axxx VI.
Axxx VI is situated in the industrial park of Bxxx it’s near of the Axxx hospital.
Axxx VI is a car-dealership of utility vehicles of Vxxx, it’s a repairer agent Vxxx and Man trucks and a sales agent Vxxx utility.
In this company he have two others cars-dealerships it’s VVO Cxxx and MVI Exxx , they are located in the region of Vaucluse.
I ‘m commercial representative and I’ve been in charge of selling the utility vehicles. For that I have need to making a customer’s file and with this file I make a phoning for meet the customer’s interested by the utility vehicles. For example I can call a plumber or an ambulance company because generally this professionals haves needs of utility vehicles.
During the meeting with the customer I asking him for finding this needs and I proposed a vehicles adapted for the customer needs.
If it’s possible I negotiated the price with the customer, If It’s to expansive for him maybe I can lower the price with a discount accorded on this vehicles.
I evaluated the payment conditions with the customer (cash or in several time). After with agree of the customer and with this signature I can take the order of him vehicle with the name of the car choosing and the options selected by the customer with me.
When I receive the vehicle I calling the customer for know if I going in this home or if he prefer take the vehicle in the garage.
For finish I explain to the customer the functioning of the options, for examples: Automatic Box, Bluetooth… and I give the key at my customer.
More later I will call the customer for know if everything it’s all right with the vehicle for make a good customer care and feedback.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-03-2011 08:08
Réponse: Cover letter/correction de may, postée le 18-03-2011 à 01:49:05 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
My name is Mxxx and i’m 23 years old. I live in xxx.
I’ve been attending a two year (of) sandwich course in the formation center Ixxx from Axxx and alternately in the car-dealership ales VI for/autre préposition obtain a BTS negotiation and relationship with customers and to become car-dealer/Cette phrase est trop long, reviser si possible.That is to say I go to school two days a week and I work.... the rest of the week (in turn in)/besoin un verbe the car-dealership Axxx VI.
Axxx VI is situated in the industrial park of Bxxx (it’s) near of/autre mot the Axxx hospital.
Axxx VI is a car-dealership of utility vehicles of Vxxx, it’s/combiner/inclure
a repairer agent Vxxx and Man trucks and a sales agent Vxxx utility.il n'y a pas de sens.In this company he/who? have two others cars-dealerships it’s VVO Cxxx and MVI Exxx ,ponctuation they are located in the region of Vaucluse.
I‘m article commercial representative and I’ve been in charge of selling the utility vehicles. For that I have (need) to making/create a customer's file and with this file I make a phoning/phone call for/autre meet the customer’s interested/rephrase by the utility vehicles. For example/let's say I can call a plumber or an ambulance company because generally/autre adverbe this professionals/noun haves needs of utility vehicles.
During the meeting with the customer I.... asking him for finding this needs and I proposed a vehiclesbesoin pronom+verbe adapted for the customer needs.
If it’s possible I negotiated the price with the customer,and If It’s to expansive for him maybe I can lower the price with a discount accorded on this vehicles/utiliser le mot approprié.
I evaluated the payment conditions/type with the customer (cash or in several time/by instalment). After with agree of the customer/rephrase and with this signature I can take/make the order of him vehicle with the name of the car choosing and the options selected by the customer with me/pour reviser.
When I receive the vehicle I.... calling the customer for know if I going in this home or if he preferS... take/PICK UP the vehicle in the garage.
For finish I explain to the customer the functioning/un nom of the.... options, for examples: Automatic Box, Bluetooth… and I give the key at my customer/or I hand him the key
More later I will call the customer for know if everything (it’s)is all right (with the vehicle for).... make/maintain a good customer care and feedback.
Note: Reviser tous les prépositions, construction des phrases/On va modifier/corriger après votre correction.
Best wishes!
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Modifié par may le 18-03-2011 01:49
Réponse: Cover letter/correction de mb30100, postée le 18-03-2011 à 09:08:41 (S | E)
merci je vais corriger ça et le publier-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 18-03-2011 09:11
Réponse: Cover letter/correction de mb30100, postée le 18-03-2011 à 10:02:59 (S | E)
Bonjour
voici ma correction,pourriez-vous me dire à quoi correspondent les couleurs sur votre correction, ce serait symphatique;
merci d'avance.
My name is M*** B*** and I’m 23 years old. I live in A***.
I’ve been attending a two year of sandwich course in the formation center I*** from A***. I’m work in this formation center and alternately in the car-dealership A*** VI. That is to say I go to school two days a week and I work the rest of the week in the car-dealership A*** VI.
I would like obtain a BTS negotiation and relationship with customers and to become car-dealer.
A*** VI is situated in the industrial park of B*** it’s near to the A*** hospital.
A** ** is a car-dealership of utility vehicles of V*****, we are reparatory agent V****, a sales agent V**** utility and a reparatory agent M** trucks.
In this company they are two others cars-dealerships it’s VVO C**** and MVI *****. They are located in the region of Vaucluse.
I ‘m a commercial representative and I’ve been in charge of selling the utility vehicles. For that I have need to create a customer’s file and with this file I make a phone call to meet the customer’s interested by the utility vehicles. Let’s say I can call a plumber or an ambulance company because usually these professionals have need of utility vehicles.
During the meeting with the customer I asking him for find this need and I proposed a vehicle adapted with the customer needs.
If it’s possible I negotiated the price with the customer, and If It’s to expensive for him maybe I can lower the price with a discount allowed on this vehicles.
I evaluated the payment type with the customer (cash or in several time/by instalment). IF the agree customer is agree and with this signature I can make the order him vehicle with the name of the car choosing and the options selected by the customer with me.
When I receive the vehicle I calling the customer to know if I going on this home or if he prefers pick up the vehicle in the garage.
I explain to the customer the function of the options, for examples: Automatic Box, Bluetooth… and I hand him the key.
Later I will call the customer to know if everything is all right with the vehicle to maintain a good customer care and feedback.
-------------------
Modifié par lucile83 le 19-03-2011 08:19
Réponse: Cover letter/correction de may, postée le 19-03-2011 à 01:21:27 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
Oui, sympathique...
My name is M*** B*** and I’m 23 years old. I live in A***.
I’ve been attending a two year (of) sandwich course in the formation center I*** from A***. I’m work/present perfect in this formation center and alternately in the car-dealership A*** VI. That is to say I go to school two days a week and I work the rest of the week/ajouter un préposition et mettre cette phrase à la fin in the car-dealership A*** VI.
I would like obtain/infinitive a BTS negotiation and relationship/après customer (with customers) and to become article car-dealer.
A*** VI is situated in the industrial park of B*** ponctuation it’s near to the A*** hospital.
A** ** is a car-dealership of utility vehicles of V*****, we are reparatory agent V****, (a) sales agent V**** utility and (a) reparatory agent M** trucks.
In this company they are/Il y a two others cars-dealerships un pronom + un verbe (it’s) VVO C**** and MVI *****. They are located in the region of Vaucluse.
I ‘m/pas d'espace entre I et 'm a commercial representative and I’ve been in charge of selling (the) utility vehicles. For that/ Therefore I have (need) had to create a customer’s file and with this file I make a phone call to meet the customer’s interested/ maladroit, rephrase by the utility vehicles. Let’s say I can call a plumber or an ambulance company because usually/normally these professionals have need of utility vehicles.
During the meeting with the customer I verbe manquant asking him questions for/autre préposition find/know this/his need and I proposed a vehicle (adapted with) according to his requirement (the customer needs).
If it’s possible I negotiated the price with the customer, and If It’s to expensive for him (maybe) I (can) could probably lower the price with a discount allowed on this vehicles.
I evaluated/discuter the payment typeS with the customer (cash or in several time/by instalment). IF the (agree) customer (is) agree and (with this signature) sign the contract I can make the order préposition him
When I receive the vehicle I calling the customer to know/demander if I (going on this home)le livrer à son domicile or (if) he prefers to pick it up (the vehicle in the garage).
I explain to the customer the function of the options, for examples: Automatic Box, Bluetooth… and I hand him the key.
Later on I will (call the customer)do a follow-up to know if everything is all right with the vehicle in order to maintain a good customer care and feedback.
(...) to be omitted
bleu et rouge pour corriger
vert pour ajouter
Réponse: Cover letter/correction de mb30100, postée le 19-03-2011 à 09:17:43 (S | E)
Merci beaucoup; désolé si je ne suis pas au niveau mais j'ai travaillé 2 ans avant de faire ce BTS donc mon niveau d'anglais a chuté, mais je sais que grâce à des gens comme vous et à ce site je vais le remonter.
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Modifié par lucile83 le 19-03-2011 09:21
Réponse: Cover letter/correction de may, postée le 22-03-2011 à 02:25:36 (S | E)
Bonsoir mb30100,
You're very
All the best wishes to you!Bonne continuation.
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