Correction texte

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Correction texte
Message de dasutal posté le 26-03-2011 à 00:06:20 (S | E | F)
Bonsoir,
en cours d'anglais le professeur nous a demandé de répondre au sujet suivant:
You have enough money to buy a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.
J'aurais ainsi souhaité savoir, si possible, si vous pouviez me dire où ~~est ce que~~ mon texte comporte des fautes.

Thanks to hard working, I have earned enough money to have the choice to buy a house or a business.

Firstly, I think buy a house could be a good choice because it’s a good and prudent financial investment. In fact, the purchase of a business could be perhaps a failure because it’s possible that the business doesn’t interest people and therefore it won’t attract lots of customers.

However, to my mind, I will choose to buy business because, even if there is a risk to lose everything and to have lots of difficulties to make ends meet, it allows to earn one’s living, unlike the house. Moreover, if business is profitable I will be able to generate profits thanks to it, and I could buy a house. Furthermore, thanks to a business I will be able to enter in active life. In short, I prefer succeed in my professional life before to buy a house.

In summary, if I have enough money I would like to buy a business because I think it’s the best possibility on the future and I think to work in a business is more interesting than have a house.

Merci d'avance pour votre aide.
Cordialement.

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-03-2011 07:47

Réponse: Correction texte de dasutal, postée le 26-03-2011 à 00:08:46 (S | E)
Je voulais savoir si, pour la phrase: "it’s possible that the business doesn’t interest people and therefore it won’t attract lots of customers", je ne devrais pas plutôt utiliser may?

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-03-2011 07:48

Réponse: Correction texte de notrepere, postée le 26-03-2011 à 00:53:21 (S | E)
Hello

it’s possible that the business ~~doesn’t~~ wouldn't interest people and therefore it ~~won’t~~ wouldn't attract lots of customers

Réponse: Correction texte de dasutal, postée le 26-03-2011 à 01:08:35 (S | E)
Ah d'accord et donc pour la phrase:
"However, to my mind, I will choose to buy business because, even if there is a risk to lose everything and to have lots of difficulties to make ends meet, it allows to earn one’s living, unlike the house."
je devrais remplacer will par would, non? La phrase serait alors:
"However, to my mind, I would choose to buy business because...".

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Modifié par lucile83 le 26-03-2011 07:49

Réponse: Correction texte de notrepere, postée le 26-03-2011 à 04:08:31 (S | E)
Hello

Non, 'will' convient dans le contexte.

"However, to my mind, I will (1) choose to buy (2) business because, even if there is a risk to (3) lose (4) everything and to have (4) lots of difficulties to make (4) ends meet, it allows to earn one’s living (5), unlike the house."

(1) will = je suis certain; would = unreal conditional; je ne suis pas sûr
(2) article manquant
(3) autre préposition
(4) forme +ing (gérondif)
(5) it will/would allow one to earn a living

If I had the money, I would choose to buy a car. (conditional)
Since I have the money, I will/am going to buy a car.
If I had to make a choice between a house and a business, I would choose the business because...
Since I have the money, I will choose the business because...
However, I think you should choose the house because the economy is bad and you could lose all of your money in the business and you wouldn't have anyplace to live.

Réponse: Correction texte de dasutal, postée le 26-03-2011 à 11:57:32 (S | E)
Bonjour,
Vu de cette manière c'est sur qu'il vaudrait mieux choisir une maison

Et donc la phrase, après correction, serait: "However, to my mind, I will choose to buy a business because, even if there is a risk of losing everything and to having lots of difficulties to making ends meet, it will allow to earn one’s living, unlike the house." ?
Par contre je sais pas si la préposition "of" est bonne pour la phrase: "even if there is a risk of losing everything".

Et donc après correction le texte donnerait:

Thanks to hard working, I have earned enough money to have the choice to buy a house or a business.

Firstly, I think buy a house could be a good choice because it’s a good and prudent financial investment. In fact, the purchase of a business could be perhaps a failure because it’s possible that the business wouldn’t interest people and therefore it wouldn’t attract lots of customers.

However, to my mind, I will choose to buy a business because, even if there is a risk of losing everything and to having lots of difficulties to making ends meet, it will allow to earn one’s living, unlike the house. Moreover, if business is profitable I will be able to generate profits thanks to it, and I could buy a house. Furthermore, thanks to a business I will be able to enter in active life. In short, I prefer succeed in my professional life before to buy a house.

In summary, if I had to make a choice between a house and a business, I would choose the business because I think it’s the best possibility for (on) the future and I think to work in a business is more interesting than have a house.

Pour la dernière phrase j'aurais plutôt mis: "I think it's the best possibility for the future" et non pas "on the future" mais je sais pas si c'est bon ou pas.

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Modifié par dasutal le 26-03-2011 11:58

Réponse: Correction texte de gerondif, postée le 26-03-2011 à 12:29:43 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Thanks to hard working, I have earned enough money to have the choice to buy a house or a business.

Firstly, I think buy(mauvaise forme) a house could be a good choice because it’s a good and prudent financial investment. In fact, the purchase of a business could be perhaps(mal placé) a failure because it’s possible that(français traduit mot-à-mot, assez lourd) the business wouldn’t interest people and therefore it wouldn’t attract lots of customers.

However, to my mind, I will choose to buy a business because, even if there is a risk of losing everything and to(a risk of est la phrase de départ) having lots of difficulties to making ends meet, it will allow to earn one’s(ne pas laisser la forme neutre, morte, sauf si one est le sujet du verbe) living, unlike(pas comme la maison ? construction un peu cavalière) the house. Moreover, if business is profitable I will be able to generate profits thanks to it, and I could (je pourrai ou je pourrais?) buy a house. Furthermore, thanks to a business I will be able to enter in (verbe transitif direct)active life. In short, I prefer succeed(voir la construction de prefer) in my professional life before to buy( télescopage de constructions entre preférer X à Y et la phrase avant de (before + ing) ) a house.

In summary, if I had to make a choice between a house and a business, I would choose the business because I think it’s the best possibility for (on) the future (for my future / in the future (en général)) and I think to work (mauvaise forme)in a business is more interesting than have (idem)a house.

Réponse: Correction texte de dasutal, postée le 27-03-2011 à 00:28:15 (S | E)
Bonsoir,

Voici le texte après correction:

Thanks to hard working, I have earned enough money to have the choice to buy a house or a business.

Firstly, I think buying a house could be a good choice because it’s a good and prudent financial investment. In fact, the purchase of a business could perhaps be a failure because it may the business wouldn’t interest people and therefore it wouldn’t attract lots of customers.

However, to my mind, I will choose to buy a business because, even if there is a risk of losing everything and of having lots of difficulties for making ends meet, it will allow to earn one’s(ne pas laisser la forme neutre, morte, sauf si one est le sujet du verbe) living, unlike(pas comme la maison ? construction un peu cavalière) the house. Moreover, if business is profitable I will be able to generate profits thanks to it, and I will buy a house. Furthermore, thanks to a business I will be able to enter in (verbe transitif direct)active life. In short, I prefer succeed(voir la construction de prefer) in my professional life before buying( télescopage de constructions entre preférer X à Y et la phrase avant de (before + ing) ) a house.

In summary, if I had to make a choice between a house and a business, I would choose the business because I think it’s the best possibility in the future and I think work in a business is more interesting than having a house.

Est ce que mes corrections sont bonnes? Car je ne suis pas vraiment sur de mes modifications.
De plus, pour "it will allow to earn one's living" je ne vois pas trop ce qu'il faut changer, tout comme pour unlike, en utilisant ce mot je voulais dire "alors que la maison non". Est ce que je ne devrais pas plutôt utiliser "whereas" en mettant par exemple cette phrase: "whereas the house won't enable it."?
Par ailleurs, pour "to enter in" je ne vois pas trop ce que c'est un verbe transitif direct et pour la construction de "prefer...to" je ne vois pas trop comment l'utiliser avec "before".

Réponse: Correction texte de gerondif, postée le 27-03-2011 à 01:20:07 (S | E)
Bonsoir,
"je ne vois pas trop" n'est pas une méthode de recherche. En double cliquant sur enter et sur prefer, vous avez les constructions dans le dictionnaire en ligne.

Thanks to hard working, I have earned enough money to have the choice to buy a house or a business.

Firstly, I think buying a house could be a good choice because it’s a good and prudent financial investment. In fact, the purchase of a business could perhaps be a failure because it may the business wouldn’t interest people and therefore it wouldn’t attract lots of customers.

However, to my mind, I will choose to buy a business because, even if there is a risk of losing everything and of having lots of difficulties for making ends meet, it will allow me to earn one’s(mettez me comme sujet) living, unlike(pas comme la maison ? construction un peu cavalière) the house. Moreover, if business is profitable I will be able to generate profits thanks to it, and I will buy a house. Furthermore, thanks to a business I will be able to enter in (verbe transitif direct)active life. In short, I prefer *** succeed(voir la construction de prefer) in my professional life before buying (ok) a house.

In summary, if I had to make a choice between a house and a business, I would choose the business because I think it’s the best possibility in the future and I think work in a business is more interesting than having(correct, donc pour le premier verbe....) a house.

Réponse: Correction texte de notrepere, postée le 27-03-2011 à 05:37:18 (S | E)
Hello

Il faut suivre les conseils de gerondif. Corrections supplémentaires.

Thanks to hard working (1), I have earned enough money to have the choice to buy a house or a business.

Firstly, I think buying a house could be a good choice because it’s a good and prudent financial investment. ~~In fact~~Moreover, the purchase of a business could perhaps be a failure because it ~~may the business wouldn’t~~ might not interest people and therefore it wouldn’t attract lots of customers.

However, to my mind, I will choose to buy a business because, even if there is a risk of losing everything and of having lots of difficulties ~~for~~ making ends meet, it will allow me to earn a living, unlike* the house. ~~Moreover~~In addition, if (2) business is profitable, I will be able to generate profits ~~thanks to it,~~ and then I will buy a house. Furthermore, thanks to** with a business I will be able to ...

In summary, if I had to make a choice between a house and a business, I would choose the business because I think it has ...

(1) Je préfère: Thanks to hard work
(2) article manquant
(3) pas le bon verbe
(4) forme +ing

* unlike convient dans le contexte:
used to contrast somebody/something with another person or thing (Oxford)
Unlike most systems, this one is very easy to install.

** thanks to
attention de ne pas galvauder "grâce à" = "thanks to" en anglais.

Réponse: Correction texte de dasutal, postée le 27-03-2011 à 12:16:10 (S | E)
Bonjour,

Thanks to hard work, I have earned enough money to have the choice to buy a house or a business.

Firstly, I think buying a house could be a good choice because it’s a good and prudent financial investment. Moreover, the purchase of a business could perhaps be a failure because it might not interest people and therefore it wouldn’t attract lots of customers.

However, to my mind, I will choose to buy a business because, even if there is a risk of losing everything and of having lots of difficulties for making ends meet, it will allow me to earn a living, whereas the house not. In addition, if a business is profitable I will be able to generate profits, and then I will buy a house. Furthermore, with a business I will be able to enter the active life. In short, I prefer to succeed in my professional life before buying a house.

In summary, if I had to make a choice between a house and a business, I would choose the business because I think it’s the best possibility in the future and I think working in a business is more interesting than having a house.

Concernant "it will allow to earn one’s living" c'est une expression ("to earn one's living") que j'ai vu en cours et donc je ne voyais pas trop ce qu'il fallait changer.

Réponse: Correction texte de gerondif, postée le 27-03-2011 à 12:37:35 (S | E)
Bonjour,

le dictionnaire donne:
gagner "sa" vie: to earn "one's" living.
Conjugué, cela devient: I earn my living, you earn your living, etc.

Thanks to hard work, I have earned enough money to have the choice to buy a house or a business.

Firstly, I think buying a house could be a good choice because it’s a good and prudent financial investment. Moreover, the purchase of a business could perhaps be a failure because it might not interest people and therefore it wouldn’t attract lots of customers.

However, to my mind, I will choose to buy a business because, even if there is a risk of losing everything and of having lots of difficulties for making ends meet, it will allow me to earn a living (to make a living), whereas the house not. In addition, if a business is profitable I will be able to generate profits, and then I will buy a house. Furthermore, with a business I will be able to enter the active life. In short, I prefer to succeed in my professional life before buying a house.

In summary, if I had to make a choice between a house and a business, I would choose the business because I think it’s the best possibility in the future and I think working in a business is more interesting than having a house.

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