Comme des milliers de personnes, recevez gratuitement chaque semaine Cours gratuits > Forum > English only || Bottom
Correction / Pets
Message from wangboniu posted on 25-05-2011 at 07:30:42
Hello,
Glad to see you. I just finished my new essay and I hope that you can help me to proofread it again.Thank you a lot.
Best wishes.
Topic
Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Answer
Having pets are very common for modern people. In most families, it is quite close that the relationship between pets and masters. Some of them even take pets for children or members of their families. This situation is especially true, when masters are senior people who live alone. In my opinion, generally speaking, this special connection with an animal benefits people in several respects.
After supper, seeing many elderly people happily go out to walk their dogs often makes me feel warm and peaceful. Sometimes I have talked with these lovely grandpas or grandmas and he/she always had a long story of his/her pet. Almost every owner mentioned one thing that after having a dog, their bodies were much stronger and their moods were happier than before. They said that Walking a dog everyday improved his/her physiology and living with a companion brought more fun. In this respect, a pet is deserved to be a member of a family.
When I was 9 years old, I got my first pet which was a rabbit. I was so happy and I thought I was the luckiest child in this world because I had a rabbit. It was more than any toy. Before this I always damaged my toys by careless behaviors. But for this rabbit, I did my best to take good care of it and think it was my duty to protect my rabbit from other pets’ hurting when I brought it out. It is just the way of a boy becoming a real man. My pet helped me grow up in mentality.
On the other hand, people should not spend too much time on pets so that they ignore other family members. For example, if a mother cares more about her cat rather than her baby, there must be something wrong. We are human beings, therefore, the first we should consider is other people rather than a pet.
In conclusion, some people have good connections with pets, which make their lives much happier or make them more responsible. Meanwhile, we should remember that pets cannot replace other family members.
-------------------
Edited by wangboniu on 25-05-2011 07:31
-------------------
Edited by wangboniu on 25-05-2011 07:32
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 25-05-2011 08:23
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 26-05-2011 20:50
Message from wangboniu posted on 25-05-2011 at 07:30:42
Hello,
Glad to see you. I just finished my new essay and I hope that you can help me to proofread it again.Thank you a lot.
Best wishes.
Topic
Many people have a close relationship with their pets. These people treat their birds, cats, or other animals as members of their family. In your opinion, are such relationships good? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Answer
Having pets are very common for modern people. In most families, it is quite close that the relationship between pets and masters. Some of them even take pets for children or members of their families. This situation is especially true, when masters are senior people who live alone. In my opinion, generally speaking, this special connection with an animal benefits people in several respects.
After supper, seeing many elderly people happily go out to walk their dogs often makes me feel warm and peaceful. Sometimes I have talked with these lovely grandpas or grandmas and he/she always had a long story of his/her pet. Almost every owner mentioned one thing that after having a dog, their bodies were much stronger and their moods were happier than before. They said that Walking a dog everyday improved his/her physiology and living with a companion brought more fun. In this respect, a pet is deserved to be a member of a family.
When I was 9 years old, I got my first pet which was a rabbit. I was so happy and I thought I was the luckiest child in this world because I had a rabbit. It was more than any toy. Before this I always damaged my toys by careless behaviors. But for this rabbit, I did my best to take good care of it and think it was my duty to protect my rabbit from other pets’ hurting when I brought it out. It is just the way of a boy becoming a real man. My pet helped me grow up in mentality.
On the other hand, people should not spend too much time on pets so that they ignore other family members. For example, if a mother cares more about her cat rather than her baby, there must be something wrong. We are human beings, therefore, the first we should consider is other people rather than a pet.
In conclusion, some people have good connections with pets, which make their lives much happier or make them more responsible. Meanwhile, we should remember that pets cannot replace other family members.
-------------------
Edited by wangboniu on 25-05-2011 07:31
-------------------
Edited by wangboniu on 25-05-2011 07:32
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 25-05-2011 08:23
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 26-05-2011 20:50
Re: Correction / Pets by notrepere, posted on 25-05-2011 at 18:03:49
Hello!Having pets are (1) very common for modern people (2). In most families, it is quite close that the relationship between pets and masters (3). Some of them even take pets for children (4) or members of their families. This situation is especially true, when masters are senior people (5) who live alone. In my opinion, generally speaking, this special connection with an animal benefits people in several respects.
(1) singular
(2) I don't think this conveys the correct idea. "modern" people as opposed to "ancient people"?
(3) The word order needs work.
(4) What you're wanting to say is that people often "see them as their children"
(5) "masters" can have a negative connotation; "pet owners" would be more neutral; the expression "elderly people" is better
After supper, seeing many elderly people happily go out to walk their dogs often makes me feel warm and peaceful. Sometimes I have talked (6) with these lovely grandpas or grandmas and he/she (7) always had a long story about/concerning his/he (8)r pet. Almost every owner mentioned one thing in common: after having a dog, their bodies were much stronger and their moods were happier than before. They said that Walking a dog everyday (9) improved his/her (8) physiology and living with a companion brought more fun. In this respect, a pet is deserved to be a member of a family.
(6) It is more common to say: Sometimes I would talk with or I would often talk to/with
(7) Since you are referring to "them" (the grandmas and grandpas), you should say "they"
(8) their
(9) two separate words; 'everyday' is an adjective
When I was 9 years old, I got my first pet which was a rabbit. I was so happy and I thought I was the luckiest child in this world because I had a rabbit. It was
(10) past tense
(11) Not the best construction: to protect from being hurt by other pets
On the other hand, people should not spend too much time on pets so that they ignore other family members. For example, if a mother cares more about her cat
In conclusion, some people have good connections with pets, which makes their lives much happier or makes them more responsible.
Good luck with your correction.
-------------------
Edited by notrepere on 26-05-2011 05:06
Re: Correction / Pets by wangboniu, posted on 26-05-2011 at 03:46:47
Hello, notrepere
I am sorry that I made so many mistakes.
Re: Correction / Pets by gerondif, posted on 26-05-2011 at 19:45:26
Bonjour,
vous devriez poster sur le même forum:
"a pet deserves to be considered as a member of the family."serait plus correct.
on peut trouver: this punishment is well deserved.
would exprime une action passée que l'on faisait volontiers:
My grandfather had asthma (used to have asthma) but he would smoke all the same.
il avait de l'asthme mais il fallait qu'il fume quand même.
c'est souvent aussi un imparfait affectueux et nostalgique.
When I was younger, I would go to the fish and chips shop. I would buy my fish and my chips and eat them out of the newspaper, reading the news in reverse on my chips !
Re: Correction / Pets by saison, posted on 26-05-2011 at 19:33:57
Bonjour je me pose une question par rapport à Corrections/Pets. Pourriez vous m'aider. Sometimes I would talk with (6) pourquoi would ca demande pas du conditionnel aussi a pets is deserved pourquoi pas pets deserve merci beaucoup.
-------------------
Edited by lucile83 on 26-05-2011 20:13
Message added here and answer just above.
INDISPENSABLES : 